at long last, peace (medtech series #1)

thirty six

"Natakot ka ba no'ng nakita mo ako?"

Ngumiti si Olly habang may kinukuha sa bag, "Oo, hindi ko naman ma-de-deny 'yun," sambit niya. "I really thought..."

Napangiti ako at tumingin sa kalangitan.

"Alam mo ba... there was this fleeting thought to jump off the rooftop fence habang nakatingin ako sa baba," sambit ko. "I always get this kapag nasa mataas akong lugar kaya umiiwas ako madalas. Kasi... kasi baka matukso rin ako. You know, it's been so hard to cope up for me. And remembering Reen... I just, I just really don't know anymore."

Olly looked at me and smiled, "You can fight through these, Telly. You have yourself to trust, you have us... and kapag hindi mo na kaya, just pause for a while and then breathe. And then keep going."

Ngumiti ako.

"Tubig," sambit ni Olly nang mahimasmas ako. Napangiti naman ako at nagpasalamat bago kinuha 'yung tubig at uminom. "Nagulat ba kita kanina?"

Natawa ako nang bahagya, "At some point naisip ko rin na baka puntahan mo ako."

Olly chuckled, "So ine-expect mo ako?"

"Grabe ka talaga mag-twist ng words," sagot ko bago inubos 'yung tubig. Ewan ko ba rito kay Olly, may stock na ata siya ng mineral water sa kotse niya dahil sa'kin. "Pero thank you, ha? I really needed that."

Olly smiled and tucked away the few strands of hair covering my face, "Even if you try to push me away, I'll always run to you. Okay?"

Natawa ako.

"Crush mo ba'ko?" Saglit akong natigil nang ma-realize ko kung ano'ng lumabas sa bibig ko dahilan para umiwas ako ng tingin kay Olly at iniabot 'yung soda na dala-dala ko kanina bago nilagok. Mas lalo akong nahiya no'ng tumawa nang malakas si Olly.

"Bakit, obvious ba?" Dahan-dahan akong napatingin sa kaniya at pinaningkitan siya ng mata. "What? Obvious na ba?" natatawa niyang sabi.

"J-joke lang 'yun," nauutal kong sabi. Biglang uminit 'yung paligid kaya napapaypay ako ng mukha at napatungo. Ang hilig talaga niyang makipagbiruan.

"Hindi naman ako nakikipagbiruan," sambit ni Olly at ngumiti. "Or maybe it's not just a crush already or something... but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me, Telly. I mean, I guess I don't have to hide it anymore, but... what I'll always want for you is to find yourself first, to find the peace you've been longing for, and if in the future, I won't be in that picture anymore, I will still root for you, Estelita Isabel. For me... what will always matter is your happiness, even if mine comes after."

Olly just looked at me with so much sincerity in his eyes making my heart pound so much. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng dapat kong sabihin... Just hearing him say that what matters to him is my happiness melted my heart.

But I knew I'd be unfair to Olly if I can't even find myself in the midst of my war.

Napatungo ako para umiwas ng tingin, "I... I don't know what to say." Bahagya akong napahawak sa dibdib ko sa sobrang lakas ng tibok. Pakiramdam ko sasabog na lang bigla.

Olly smiled and patted my head, "You don't have to answer me, Telly. It wasn't a question. I only stated what was in my mind and what I feel," he uttered. 

Tahimik lang ako habang nakatungo bago napatingin kay Olly.

"Do you think... do you think you can wait for me?"

Olly's expression suddenly changed. Biglang gusto kong matawa kasi ang cute pala niya kapag nagugulat, "What... what do you mean?"

Napa-buntonghininga ako.