King of the court (bxb)

Tsukishima (pt18)

A/N
TW!!! Mention of self harm & abuse!!!

"You're quiet today Tsukki." Yamaguchi stated observantly, as we approached the gym.
"I'm tired." I lied.
"Oh I won't bother you. Gomen Tsukki!"
He always apologises. He doesn't need to. It's not like continuous apology makes it genuine- but who am I to talk about being genuine.

We arrived outside the gym and Yamaguchi opened the door for me, "Thanks." I nodded.
Hinata and Kageyama were both there.
It looked like Kageyama wanted me to initiate conversation with him but in all honesty, I couldn't look him in the eye after everything I saw yesterday. It was too much.

I walked in the opposite direction from where he stood and sat on a bench. Almost instantly, the doors crashed open and Tanaka and Nishinoya walked in hollering, followed by Sugawara, Daichi, Asahi, Kinoshita, Ennoshita and Narita. Everyone was here. Now practice would start straight away and Kageyama wouldn't be able to initiate conversation with me. Good.

"This morning we will be doing rotations in receives and serving!" Coach Ukai echoed throughout the gym, "We will start with Yamaguchi serving and Tsukishima trying to receive his serve!"
Yamaguchi looked over at me with a face of determination. He was probably going to do a float serve. Since he can't do jump floats yet, this should be manageable- he's no Oikawa.

He walked over with the ball in hand and the whistle blew. He threw the ball up and hit it light enough to give it a slight spin but hard enough to allow it to travel quickly and firmly. I was quite slow but managed to get the ball up and sent it near the net to the imaginary setter.
"Well done Tsukishima, nice serve Yamaguchi. Nishinoya, swap with Tsukishima and Kageyama replace Yamaguchi." Coach ordered.

I walked away from the net and sat back down on the bench, I could feel Kageyama's eyes on me. Did he know I was avoiding him? He couldn't have figured it out that fast right?

I looked up to where Nishinoya squatted, overly enthusiastic about going against Kageyama. I guess it was interesting to see how this all played out. Kageyama was very particular- almost as if he were calculating his every move in order to get the ball where he wanted. That was about the only smart thing he could do.

Kageyama spun the ball between his hands before he threw it upwards, jumping with an arched back. The same back which was engraved with those deep crimson scars. The thought of them made me feel sick. What happened to him? Was it abuse or did he do it himself? What if he was depressed and it was self-harm... hence the pills? Or what if it was abuse and his coping mechanism was to numb himself with the pills? Was that why he lived alone? Because he was abused by his parents? But how would he get prescribed pills? He's not 18... My brain overflowed with questions that I began to mentally answer with unstable reasoning, contradicting each thought I have ever had. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and let out a quiet groan.

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi yelled, running over to me, "Are you alright? You look pale, do you need to go to the nurses office? What's wrong?"
I instantly looked up at Yamaguchi who had caused everyone to direct their attention to me, including Kageyama, who had messed up his serve because of it.

"I'm fine Yamaguchi. I told you earlier that I was tired." I scowled at him.
Daichi ran up to us, "Are you okay Tsukishima? You don't look too good." he asked.
"I'm fine, Yamaguchi was causing a scene for no reason." I said
"Well if you need to you can sit out the rest of the practice. Your serves and receives are adequate enough at the moment anyway." he responded. Gee thanks Daichi, I'll just sit my adequate self down and not worry.

I merely nodded and told Yamaguchi to go back to practice. God he was so annoying sometimes. I could feel Kageyama's gaze on me. Don't do that. Stop looking at me. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself first.

By the time practice was over, I was the first to head out. I knew Yamaguchi would want me to wait for him, but that meant that Kageyama would probably see me and join us. Then he would ask if I was okay. Then he would ask why I'm not looking at him when he talks to me. To top it all off, he's not the best at expressing himself. So it makes it ten times worse when he's clearly trying to help.
.
I was in my fourth class of the day, lunch was around the corner. I grabbed my headphones out of my bag and put them around my neck for easy accessibility later. I knew Kageyama would try and approach me at the end of the class. I didn't like that idea.

Why was I avoiding him? I don't know. Maybe seeing him up close will make it real and may confirm my suspicions. We hadn't even fucked properly but I felt this attachment that shouldn't be there. How to get rid of it? Get with someone else? That's a good idea, right?
Right.

The bell rung and I immediately stood up and put my earphones on before walking straight out of the class.

I didn't hang out with many people except for Yamaguchi and the rest of the team. However, there was one person who didn't annoy me, that wasn't on the team.
A girl.
Akari Kikuchi.

Yes.
It has to be her.