After Dusk || Im Changkyun

24. Butterflies

Chapter Twenty Four

Changkyun carried your bags into your apartment, throwing himself onto your couch.
He'd been completely out of it since you ran into... his ex-girlfriend.
He had smiled and he'd complimented your "beauty"  after the show but it was empty.
He looked so unbelievably empty.
"Can I stay here? Just for tonight?" He asked quietly, his voice trailing off, distant as he stared down at his hands.
"Of course. You don't have to ask." You sat next to him on the couch, making a gap in between the two of you which normally wouldn't be there. You may be frightened of angry Changkyun, but empty Changkyun was far more terrifying than anything else you could witness.
You were getting worried.
You wanted to say something. But what could you say? He just met the woman who broke his heart for the first time in three years, and it was safe to say that you were nothing compared to her.
She was successful, she was beautiful, she was professional, she was everything you weren't. She was everything you were insecure about. Changkyun hid his head in his hands, sighing but you could tell that he was trying not to make a sound.
You wanted to comfort him. You wanted to tell him that he was okay and that you were here for him, but what if he didn't want you to be here for him? What if after seeing someone that he'd dated for that long for the first time, someone he'd almost proposed to, maybe he'd gotten the feelings he once had for her back. Maybe, he'd never lost those feelings.
Maybe you weren't the one for him.
Changkyun lifted his head up out of his hands, meeting your eyes for only a split second. You could see the pain. You pulled him into your embrace, letting him ease into your touch.
"Are you okay?" You asked, gently stroking his raven black hair which had somewhat grown out. He didn't say it much but you could tell that he'd always loosen up whenever you wrapped his hair around your finger and carefully massaged his head.
"I'm okay." He rasped out, his cold breath hitting your neck. Everything about Changkyun seemed oddly weak, broken even. You didn't like it. At all.
You reached for his hand but immediately retracted as soon as your skin touched his.
It was ice cold.
His hands were always warm.
You got up, escaping his arms that reached out for you again. You ran into your room, grabbing a fluffy throw blanket from your bed and running back over to Changkyun's, whose body was slowly leaning to the left on your dark gray sectional. You bent down in front of him, kneeling on the ground, tucking his hair behind his ear and carefully wrapping him up in the blanket.
"I'll make you some hot chocolate, Kyun. You need it."
"No, it's okay. I don't n-"
"I wasn't asking you, I was telling you."
He reached out for your arm, most likely to pull you back into the couch, but you expertly dodged him, making your way to your kitchen and preparing a quick hot chocolate recipe that Lila had been kind enough to share with you. She'd picked it up from a friend while she was recovering in the hospital in London. She used to talk about it when she was younger whenever you had the time to call her, but she'd never tell you the recipe since she was so stubborn. You were still so surprised that she was here. Her rehabilitation had ended earlier than expected and your mother was able to fly her out early without you knowing.
She wanted it to be a surprise.
You would've liked to know, but you were glad that your little sister was finally okay.
She deserves to be healthy after all of the things she'd gone through.
You poured the rich chocolate drink into a little Christmas mug, your eyes landing on the expensive Formosa Rooibos tea that he drank when he wished. It was expensive. You wished you knew how to pronounce that ridiculous name but you dared not to ask him. You didn't need a lecture and to be made a mockery. You finally made your way back over to Changkyun. He looked more alive to say the least. He still looked like he'd just seen a ghost, which he basically did.
How else would one react after seeing their ex-girlfriend for the first time in three years? Especially after she left like that. And to think you were starting to like her, though you'd only met twice. And for the better of your relationship, you'd hoped that that was where your encounters ended.
You handed him the mug, smiling pitifully as he weakly took it from you, the corners of his lips barely turning up as he thanked you, slowly sipping the drink. You sat down next to him, creating that gap again, but this time Changkyun noticed. He didn't say anything, he just placed the mug down on your glass coffee table and simply pulled you closer.
"Don't distance yourself. I don't want to be alone."
Vulnerable Changkyun.
You'd seen him multiple times before and yet he always seemed to catch you off guard whenever he came back. As soon as the confidence switch in him turned off, he became a quiet, reserved, almost lost like soul.
"Do you want to talk about it?" You suggested, placing the back of your hand on his forehead, just checking to see if he had a fever cause he certainly looked sickly. His complexion was oddly pale. Changkyun looked like he was hesitating. You could tell that he didn't want to say something that would hurt you, or him, because he was already hurting beyond imaginable.
He may be able to read you like a book but you can see through him just as well.
"It's nothing, just that I was shocked, you know? It's the first time I've seen her in forever, and I never wanted to see her again." He made out, looking out the window blankly.
"You're thinking of something, Changkyun. Just say it. It's about her, isn't it?" You quietly urged. You didn't want to seem like this but you really did fear that he was going to say the one thing you didn't want him to say.
"I never loved her." He confessed, which made your eyes widen in both shock and confusion.
"What?"
"I didn't love her," Changkyun shrugged casually, already seeming to be a slight bit more lively now that he'd said what was on his mind.
"I know it now. I was young and didn't know what love was. I simply just craved the unconditional attention she gave me since I never had it when I was young. The things I felt for her, they were just my mind covering up the fact that I just couldn't feel loved no matter how hard anyone tried. But, I don't think I ever actually loved her."
Boy, were you happy to hear that. You shouldn't be, but you were.
"I know what loving someone feels like now." He muttered, yet somehow, you didn't hear him. You only heard him quietly saying something under his breath, you didn't ask.
He took the blanket you had so carefully wrapped him into and wrapped it around you too, bringing you to lean on his bare arm.
"You seriously need to change out of this." You joked, poking his shoulder blade which made him chortle at your unbelievable self.
You got him to laugh. One point for Y/N.
"I think I look good in this though." He told proudly, showcasing his red silk suit vest by throwing away the fluffy blanket onto the couch and jumping up so he could model playfully in front of you.
Now there's the Changkyun that you knew.
Though the other Changkyun was part of him too. Just, the part you needed to learn more about. When he let you, of course.
"Thanks, Eggo. You really cheered me up."
He chuckled as you grabbed at the blanket that he had so rudely thrown away, not wanting to get up from the couch to get it since you were already so comfortable.
"Why did you do that? I'm cold." You whined, kicking your feet like a child.
"Then freeze." He implied, beginning to walk away. You stared at his back quizzically. You were about two seconds from getting up and finding a way to beat the living daylights out of him but he turned on his heels, diving onto you with a grin on his face. You yelped as he quite literally jumped onto you, happily wrapped his arms around you as you both rolled off the couch, the ground literally shaking as you both crashed onto the floor.
Oh, the people living underneath you were totally going to complain.
Wait, Changkyun owned the apartment directly underneath yours.
Your words still stood.
"I'm just kidding. Are you warm now?" He asked to which you rolled your eyes, completely unimpressed.
"No. What are you? A tiger? We're on the floor, it's freezing." You pointed out, escaping Changkyun's animal like grip and just staring at the man that was sprawled out on your wooden floors like a fricking starfish.
"If I'm a tiger, what are you?"
"Your innocent, unexpecting prey."
"I like Kitten better."
How many different nicknames was this man going to give you?
Changkyun shook his head, finally sitting up, the neckline of his vest just slowly falling down. You inched closer, wanting to fix it, but your hands just barely hovered over the fabric of it before Changkyun placed his hands on yours, stopping you there. He raised an eyebrow at you with that smirk of his.
"And what exactly do you think you're doing, Kitten?"
It took you a second to realize what this situation looked like to him and you instantly retracted your hands, backing away with as you exclaimed in disgust,
"Gosh, oh my gosh, no! You can fix your own clothes. I literally can't be considerate with you." You got up and walked into your room all pouty. That clingy "tiger" following behind you like a lost puppy, waddling back and forth as you annoyingly sighed. You threw yourself onto your bed, hiding your face in your pillow.
He did not just make you flustered like that again.
You felt the bed sink down, which meant that a certain someone was right next to you.
"Fine." He whined, "I'm sorry. You can pick something you want to do. I'll do anything." You giddily shot up from your pillow and Changkyun scoffed at your major mood swings.
He should be used to that by now.