After Dusk || Im Changkyun

47. Heaven Or Hell

Chapter Forty Seven

You sat anxiously on the gray couch, tapping your foot constantly on the hardwood ground, your fingers playing with themselves because you couldn't play with the hem of your blouse that was tucked into your skirt.
"Do you want anything? I've got water, coffee, wine, chardonnay, and if you really want, I have strawberry milk." Jooheon chimed from his fridge but you silently shook your head before he retreated, taking a seat right next to you.
"I'd ask you why you're here but I think I can assume why." He chuckled quietly, his tone gentle. You knew he knew what you were here for. It was the only thing you ever really came to him for.
"I need advice, Jooheon."
"About Changkyun?" He raised his eyebrow, and you knew he already knew the answer to his question.
"What are you curious about this time? Past Changkyun? Present Changkyun?"
You sheepishly smiled, holding your hands tightly together as soon as you felt them begin to shake.
"Future Changkyun, actually." You responded, to which Jooheon curiously tilted his head, obviously confused.
"I need you to help me gauge the severity of something. I'm about to do something that's either going to result in a very amazing outcome, or an insanely massive mess." You admitted. Your entire body had been shaking ever since you got the confirmation text from your boss.
Today was the day Changkyun was meeting the chairwoman of the company you were marketing for.
Otherwise known as his own mother.
"What's the situation in gauging the severity for, Y/N?" Jooheon questioned reasonably, seeming to be more than interested to what had gotten you all shaky and tipped over. You opened your mouth, almost about to tell him and then something came over you.
If this went wrong, and Jooheon knew exactly what you were doing or what was going to happen, Changkyun would get mad. The same way he got mad when he found out he knew about Rena. You couldn't risk their friendship. You were risking a lot of things right now, but you couldn't risk breaking their friendship.
You're not sure if they can last another crack.
"How likely do you think it would be for Changkyun to break up with me?" You watched Jooheon's bubbly eyes widen into ones of disbelief, confusion, and almost a slight hint of annoyance.
"Zero percent." He stated confidently, taking you aback with the certainty in his voice.
"I wish you could see the way he talks about you when you're not around, or the way his entire face lights up as soon as someone mentions your name." Jooheon sighed to himself, a sweet smile spreading onto a rosy lips,
"You're his entire world. I don't think he'll ever break up with you."
You smiled softly at that, but you knew very well not to take any comfort from it. It's not that easy this time around.
"Jooheon, what if it really messes up? And I completely break his trust? Then how likely is it?"
Jooheon shifted awkwardly, seeming to be more and more puzzled with each new thing you said. You felt bad, but there was no one that knew Changkyun like him.
You needed an idea or else you'd go insane.
"I doubt there's anything you can do to br-"
"No." You cut him off sternly, your hands tightening in each other's hold.
"This could. It could very much."
"You're going to have to tell me what you did, Y/N. Right now, to me, it's sound like you c-"
This time, Jooheon stopped himself, shaking his head vigorously before uttering something you couldn't pick up to himself.
"No. You wouldn't do that." He comforted himself beside you, which was just making you even more petrified. And then you realized what he was thinking of, your own eyes widening at the thought, placing a hand on your racing heart.
"I didn't cheat on him." You explained, watching his entire body loosen up at your words,
"I could never do that. Frankly, there's no one in this world like that idiot." You snickered to yourself, smiling just at the thought of his face. Jooheon adjusted himself again, his knees facing towards you before he started again.
"What happened? Well, what's happening, more of?"
You still couldn't tell him. You'd taken a few too many risks with Changkyun already, you couldn't take a risk with Jooheon.
"Let's say, I found out something about Changkyun one day, and ever since that day, I've been slowly led to this thing. As if it were fate." You began explaining, your eyes fluttering close.
"And I know, that if I showed him this thing that he's been longing for, it could be so good for him. It could help him, I know it could. But, in the very likely chance that he doesn't take it the way I want him too, it'll destroy all the trust he had in me. It would probably end us right then, right there, and I don't think I can handle that."
You were shaking just imagining it.
"And Jooheon, I mean the best for him." You exasperatedly hid your face in your hands, roughly tugging on your own hair due to all of the thoughts that were running through your mind.
"I want him to be able to fill that void in his heart, the one that's been hurting him for so long. I can't fill that void no matter how hard I try, and I know that, but this thing can."
You felt Jooheon's hand hover above your shoulder, hesitating on how comforting he could be. You appreciated him. You knew that he was probably desperately puzzled at everything you were saying, but you were thankful he was letting you spill all of this out to him. It'd been haunting you for months.
"Y/N," Jooheon started, his voice slow and smooth, making you lift your head up out of your hands slightly,
"Do you love Changkyun?" His jet black hair swished side to side with every new movement of his mouth, his eyes sincere and his gaze as soft as the pillow you were so violently clutching onto.
"So much that I don't think I'll ever be able to convey." You smiled pitifully to yourself, you were dripping in guilt.
"Does he knows you love him?"
"I'd ho-"
"Don't answer. The question was rhetorical." Jooheon cut in, the corners of his lips turning up just the slightest,
"He knows, Y/N."
You watched Jooheon relax into his couch, suddenly radiating confidence, certainty.
"What I know about this situation is very limited but I can tell you this. If Changkyun does get mad, which is very unlikely, it's not going to be for long. I can tell you this with complete certainty that that boy can't live without you." Jooheon's hand finally made it to your shoulder, tapping it comfortingly. It was definitely working. You felt very comforted. You'd normally go to Yuta for panicking about things like this but Yuta wasn't as physically accessible as Jooheon was.
Plus, you needed Jooheon for one more thing that Yuta couldn't provide.
"Before I head out, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
You loosened your grip on the pillow, your finger unintentionally grazing the metal of your ring.
You couldn't remember ever taking it off.
You couldn't remember a time since where Changkyun didn't have it resting in the middle of his left pinky.
"All of you guys are close, it's obvious and I know that, but Changkyun and you seem extra close. Why is that?"
Jooheon chuckled slowly at that question, awkwardly palming his shirt, turning to his kitchen.
"He warmed up to me first. He looked like a tragedy. Black clothes, dark eyeliner, blonde hair, odd piercings. And that was the first time I saw him. A very impactful first first impression." His laughs grew a bit louder as he reminisced. You couldn't even begin to imagine Changkyun dressing like a goth.
You'd prefer if you didn't imagine it at all.
Terrifying.
"Changkyun's a lot like my little brother, when we first started talking, I saw my brother in him. Instinctively, I grew fond of the boy."
You didn't know Jooheon had a younger brother.
"Changkyun means a lot to me, a whole lot to me. He's been there through my ups and downs, even while he was drowning in himself. He probably doesn't tell you, but you helped him out of a pretty tough time." Jooheon handed you your phone that was resting beside him, and you noticed the new message you'd received.
"You mean the world to him, and it might not seem like it, but you've done a lot more for him than you think. You've helped him just as much as he's helped you."
You couldn't help but smile at that.
It gave you a small bit of hope. Maybe this won't completely fail on you. Were you allowed to have that hope? You weren't sure but you were going to keep it buried in the back of your head.
"Thank you, Jooheon. That helped a lot."
Jooheon stood up with you, walking you to the door with a soft smile.
"Anytime, Y/N."
You waved at him before he closed the door and you stood in the empty hallway of the eleventh floor, sighing. You finally looked down at your phone, reading the new message you'd received.
"My sister is waiting at your door. I thought it would be better for the two of them to meet in a place more private." You read out loud to yourself.
A text from your boss.
You nodded while you walked leisurely down the hallway. That made sense. You don't know how wonderful it would be if this went wrong in a public place. But probably not so wonderful.
And that's when you realized.
Changkyun's mother was waiting for you at your door.
You were two floors above your own.
You steady pace through the hallway turned into a rushed sprint as you threw yourself into the elevator and hurriedly pressed the eight floor button.
You probably should've looked at the text earlier and there's only so fast you can run in a skirt.
When the elevator finally got to the floor, you darted out and down the corridor until you got to your door.
And low and behold, she was standing there, waiting politely.
You practically stumbled into your door, catching Changkyun's mother off guard judging by her reaction and small yelp.
"I am so sorry! I was talking with a friend and I didn't see the message saying the change of plans." You apologized frantically, punching in your code before opening your door and offering for her to come inside. She laughed, taking small steps into your household while you gestured for her to take a seat on your couch. You instantly ran to your kitchen, grabbing her a glass of water and placing it down in front of her.
"That's just fine, Y/N. Thank you."
You straightened out your clothes, looking to the door awkwardly while she silently took a sip of the water.
You gasped to yourself, making Changkyun's mother turn to face you.
"I didn't tell him that we're meeting here. If you don't mind, I'll go fetch him. It'll take about five minutes."
"So, it's a him?" She deducted, and you mentally slapped yourself, but you let yourself get away with that. They'll be meeting in five minutes anyways.
She nodded and waved you off, letting you leave through the door. You muttered a quick 'thank you' before walking out.
Your hands totally weren't shaking as you walked towards the elevator. You strolled down the red carpeted floors, humming to calm your nerves before pressing the down button.
Ironically, when the elevator doors opened, you were greeted with the face you were just looking for.
"Good afternoon, Eggo." Changkyun grinned with a small surprise, obviously not expecting to see you.
"Hey, Kyun." You responded almost silently, watching and he instantly went for your hand. His smile immediately faded, his brows furrowing while gently giving you a squeeze.
"Why are you shaking?"
You forced the corners of your lips to turn up, leaning your head on his arm for a split second before taking your sweet time leading him down to your door.
"Just nervous. Why'd you come down here? Did your uncle tell you the change of plans?" You asked, trying to keep your voice from trembling. He didn't notice.
"Yeah. I got the text." He began to laugh, seeming unnecessarily peppy at this very moment.
"I've been in this industry for a while, and this is the first time I've been put into a situation like this." Changkyun ruffled your hair gently, minding not to mess it up too much unlike how he normally did,
"You really are something, aren't you, Eggo? Please don't tell me you have the CEO of Versace sitting in your apartment because that's what this is feeling like." He stopped himself right after he said that, freezing in place and turning to face you directly, giving you a rush of anxiety.
"I have to call you by your name, don't I?" Changkyun questioned, cracking a brighter smile at the thought.
Why was he being so happy? It was hurting you.
"Y/N~" He cooed, making your heart skip a beat at the sound of your own name. You weren't used to it when it came from him, it felt way more exhilarating.
It was just your name. Nothing important.
You adjusted his tie quickly, feeling his grin burn through the top of your head. You both took suffocating steps towards your apartment, well yours were suffocating. It felt like he was practically skipping with no care in the world. Changkyun's hand was tightly gripping onto one of yours while your other was tightly gripped onto the bottom of your skirt. You were feeling weak all of a sudden. When you finally made it to the door, you slammed your hand on his, preventing him from twisting the doorknob.
"What is it?" Changkyun raised an eyebrow at you, his hand trying to fidget underneath yours but you managed to pry it off.
"Just-" you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath before meeting him in the eye.
"I love you, okay?"
Changkyun beamed to himself, his dimples indenting in his cheeks, his eyes bent into those adorable little crescents.
"I love you too, you random cutie."
You took another deep breath, calming yourself before you twisted the doorknob, opening the door.
Heaven or Hell?
You had to walk in to find out.
One step into the room and you saw his mother standing only a few feet away from you.
As soon as they both met eyes, they froze.
The room was filled into a stifling silence as they both examined each other, breaths hitched and faces completely rock solid.
A mother and son seeing each other for the first time in almost a decade.
Yet for some reason, it felt like you were the person in the room that was the most tense.
"Changkyun?" She choked out, the purse that she had once clutched close to her side had dropped down to the floor.
You looked to face him, and you genuinely just couldn't read his impression. His hands were trembling at his side, his mouth was wide open, his eyes were turned down and you could see his knees slowly going weaker on him with each second.
And then he snapped out of it in less than two seconds.
"Hello." He took a step forward, not offering his hand to her but maintaining a two foot distance between him and his mother.
"Im Changkyun, it's nice to meet you." He greeted formally.
It was your turn to mirror the chairwoman's confused expression. He was acting like he didn't know her. You knew for a fact that he knew her. You could see the beads of sweat forming at the nape of his neck begin to soak into his collar.
He was holding it back?
"Kyun?" You took two steps forward, placing yourself in between the two. Changkyun didn't make eye contact with you, his gaze focused on his mother who he was looking at just over your shoulder. His eyes were cold, pitiful even.
The bright smile that you had seen just a minute ago had vanished from his face completely. It was no longer. Now, his lips were pressed into a thin line, his eyebrows furrowed low on his face.
"Yes, Y/N."
He said your name again, but it wasn't as joyful as it was before. There was a twinge of spite, you could tell.
You'd gotten your answer.
You walked yourself into Hell.
"Do you know who that is?" You asked carefully, wanting to place your hand on his gently trembling shoulder but you knew it wasn't your place to at this moment.
"The Chairwoman of DI Fashion, Oh Choa. Everyone knows her." He responded robotically. The chairwoman on the other hand seemed as if she was fighting back tears in her glassy eyes. Her gaze towards him was pain stricken, yet still managing to feel loving. He didn't even make eye contact with her.
You had zero clue what was going on.
"Is that it?" You coaxed cautiously, not knowing when the volcano that was forming inside of Changkyun would burst. His expression was so Rick solid that you couldn't pick up a single emotion from it and be confident in your deduction.
"What else is there for me to say?" He replied casually, and you couldn't take it anymore. Your foot shook violently on the ground, your head throbbing as soon as you finally made out what you wanted to say,
"I know she's your mother."
Changkyun melted at that. His head slowly turned towards you, his eyes seeming more sad or upset than anything as soon as he looked into yours. You felt a piece of your heart break off when he did.
"How long have you known?"
"Since right before your uncle got me to brand for them."
"What?" Changkyun's voice was stern, his mood changing in a millisecond, catching you completely off guard. Yes, he'd told you off before, and yes, you'd heard him get frustrated with someone before.
But he never used that tone with you.
"I can explain myself." You panicked, holding your hands up in surrender frantically, your voice shaking as much as your body.
"This is why everyone's been avoiding telling me what's going on? My uncle put you up to this? And you didn't tell me? You kept something this big from me? For almost four months?" Changkyun's words sped, his voice progressively getting louder and this time you could tell that he wasn't going to tone it down.
"Changkyun, don't get upset with her. Your friend is just-"
"My friend?" Changkyun's eyes darkened, his voice dropping, turning his head to you once again. You couldn't bare to look at him. Changkyun harshly grabbed your hand, practically pulling you off the ground with his force.
"She's my girlfriend." He gestured towards the rings on either of your fingers, letting your hand go roughly. You gently massaged your wrist but as subtlety as you could.
That definitely stung.
"You told her we were friends, huh? Am I just a friend to you, Y/N?" His gaze was piercing through you.
It wasn't warm. It wasn't comforting. It wasn't loving. It wasn't the gaze you were used to.
He was glaring at you.
No doubt about it.
"I-I didn't want to say too much. It felt like an invasion of privacy if I-"
"An invasion of privacy?" Changkyun cut you off, taking a pained step away from you, laughing but not happily.
He was mad.
"You should've been thinking about that when you let the person who let me walk out of her life try to walk into mine. And through you!" His voice was getting louder with each word he uttered out of his mouth, his tone laced with frustration.
At this point, his hands were tugging at his hair, his face buried underneath it while he continued to take heavy steps away from you both. You tried to follow him but he refused to be anywhere close to you.
"But you said that you wanted to see-"
"I may have said it but that doesn't mean I was ready. This is just a different sort of messed up."
You sighed, knowing that there was nothing you could do the get him to calm down.
"Kyun, I'm sorry." You tried to reconcile with him, not wanting to argue any longer, but obviously, he wasn't giving in so easily. You shouldn't have expected him to.
"You lied to me, you deceived me, you've been keeping things from me, you've been plotting things. What else is there? Anything else you want to confess while you're at it?" He taunted, his eyebrows raised, his jaw clenched tight. You shuddered at his stare, willingly taking a step back away from him. You squeezed your hands together, trying to speak without breaking down.
You should've known this wasn't a good idea.
"Changkyun, calm down, sweetie." His mother finally spoke up, his voice trying to coax him into submission but it seemed to make him even more furious.
"You have no right to call me that." Changkyun spat out, rage dripping through his words,
"Or even be here. You let me leave nine years ago, you can't just walk right back in and expect this to be okay, expect us to be okay."
Changkyun groaned, rocking himself back and forth on his heels. His fists were clenched tight, so much so that the insides of his hands were as pale as the walls while the rest were fire red. He was breathless with anger.
"I can't handle this. I'm going." He mumbled, his dress shoes stomping on the wooden floors while he headed towards the already partially open door.
You couldn't let him leave. Not like this.
You lunged forward, tearing up and grabbing his wrist, but that only seemed to make him angrier.
"Please, I just want t-"
"Don't!"
Changkyun's shout boomed across the room, his single word echoing through the walls. You flinched at his voice, faltering backwards but still holding tightly onto his wrist. His own eyes widened as soon as he realized what he'd done, snatching his hand out of your grasp and holding the door.
"I just really don't want to see you right now."
He slammed the door behind him.
You stood there, your hand still in the same position he left it.
In those few moments of silence, time seemed to stop around you. You staggeringly backed yourself onto a wall, sliding down until you roughly hit the ground.
You didn't care about how much your hand hurt, or the red mark that was slowly fading from your wrist from earlier.
What had you just done?