I Know And I Don't Care (Cedric Diggory x Reader)

Chapter 41

It was incredible, how Hogwarts always seemed to be cloaked in some sort of unionized air. My father would joke it would take years to hear the fall of an ink bottle from the other side of the castle. Despite the distance from one end to the other, every student eventually recognized the sound. The feeling. The dread.

But I wasn't like every other student. While my classmates celebrated geared up for the third task with thrill only ever met with a holiday, I sat in a dull state, with the knowledge of what was to come.

I hadn't had a fortune. I didn't know the outcome of the Triwizard Tournament. I barely knew what to expect for the following meal. Still, something told me to hold my breath. Something was going to happen. There wouldn't just be one winner and three losers. The Triwizard cup would be held up...but at what cost?

Shaking my head as a combination of all my worst fortunes combined in a guessing game, I forced myself to stand still. Stand tall. Look myself in the eye and tell myself there was no point in thinking of the future. My entire life I'd been asking for this. To not know what was going to happen. I didn't want to know. Right?

I walked over to the room mirror, stuck a finger in my face and waited for the words. The statement that I had been living by. I didn't want to know. I didn't want this. I don't want this. Present. Presently. Or for the future?

It never came. The voice of my wavering belief. My finger lowered as the weight of the truth settled over me. Suffocated me. Made me struggle for breath.

I looked worn down. Discouraged. Alone.

I looked like a seer with nothing to know.

And I hated it. I cared. I didn't know and I cared.

The window burst open, the heat swarming into the room. There was no breeze, only my heavy breathes gasping for air. A laugh trickled through the air, bouncing off the stones. Ricketing its way to Gryffindor Tower. Pushing me back into the room.

My hands went for the doorknob only for the idea of running into a professor sending me back to the window. I had had my fair share of awkward run ins this morning. Dumbledore had a way about him of making me wish for the term to be over.

This morning in the courtyard, I had run into my Head Master. Distracted by someone reading out the Daily Prophet's bets on the tournament, I had literally run into him. My apology fell on deaf ears as he simply said I should be more present and not so concerned for the future.

If only the old man knew.

With a glimpse at the tournament's outcome I wouldn't have been sticking my head out the window in an effort to feel something.

Anything.

Still, his words followed me. Through the halls, up the stairs and had seeped through the bottom of the door. I wanted to know. I needed to know.

The thing was, could I welcome the future after putting it off for so long?

My powers were always at the forefront of my mind, but hadn't exactly been in the most positive of light recently. I had ignored them more, digressing that I wouldn't let fortunes come and therefore they couldn't. A quick change of heart, in some stuffy dormitory, wouldn't exactly convince the future to follow Dumbledore's words and find me here.

I was as unlucky as they come. There was no way it could happen. While many believed me as an off brand 'Chosen One' with my timely knowledge, I wasn't favored to have everything I wanted. I'd only succeeded recently with warding off all my fortunes. It couldn't work both ways.

My head was spinning as my heart flip flopped to the side I was on. To fortune, to not fortune. To fortune, to not fortune.

I felt like a first year, picking off flower petals in asking whatever loving force if my prefect really liked me more than the other girls. He loves me, he loves me not.

Suddenly it all came to a halt - the memories of the floral pickings, the silly wants, the lack of certainty on what I wanted, what I needed. The sunlight overpowered my vision and thoughts. The light that had casted rainbows into the room now turned stark white. Glassy. Blinding.

Everyone who had asked me, encouraged me, enticed me to tell them about fate, had gotten their wish. Maybe even I had. For a fortune came when I asked it to- seconds after. Maybe it had just been waiting for my acceptance. My invitation was received and so it came.

I stumbled back as the future began playing out in front of me. The images of tomorrow fluttered as I longed for the past.