I Know And I Don't Care (Cedric Diggory x Reader)

Chapter 29

I had never felt more out of touch at Hogwarts. Even in the first week of the first year, notoriously known as no-mans-land as you navigate your new House, school, and world for the Muggle-raised, I didn't feel this isolated.

At least then I had at least a roommate to talk about all the wonders around us. I had teachers and classes to distract me and fill me with complete fascination.

And most importantly I had Cedric. He caught my eye every passing period, checked in on me across the dining hall, and attempted a visit to Gryffindor Tower. Hogwarts was large and ever-growing at the age of 11. With Cedric, the place seemed to slow down in doubling in size and the amount of fear it could hold.

Now, the golden boy was testing the boundaries, just wishing for the walls to expand to avoid me a little bit more. And that was a success in of itself, with how the entire school seemed to spread finely along the grounds in the final few days of the winter break.

It had been six days since the Yule Ball and people were still buzzing about it. I couldn't take so much as two breathes before I heard someone uttering on about "the party to end all parties" or "the best night of their lives".

I tried to tell myself to be happy for them. At least someone had a good time. I just wished they could be quieter about it. If not for my sake, for Hermione's.

While the clash between Alex and Cedric (and me in between) was about as civil as it could get, Hermione got dealt a collision only talked about in the books on the greatest of wars. While I wouldn't wish the tension I experienced between the two boys onto anyone else, I wouldn't be so quick to switch with Hermione and end my night crying on the stairs.

Still, we were both feeling it. Evident in how the Gryffindor New Year's Eve celebration was raging beneath our feet as we sat on our beds. Neither of us had to say it, but we were both dreading midnight and the knowledge that people were making out right below our feet.

"Are you finished?"

"Hm?" I looked up at Hermione from my perch on the window sill.

She smiled gently, maybe thinking the same thing I was, before stepping toward me. "With the book?"

I looked down at the book sitting lamely in my lap. I couldn't even remember my reason for having it.

Hermione, in an attempt to make me feel better, said if I needed to look over the chapter for our next charms assignment again that I could keep it.

"No, you can take it." A jolt of energy had me shoving the book in her hands as I made my way across the room to my dresser. Charms was the word that had sent me up from my seat. Followed closely by the name ever-present in my head, my body had forced itself to move, as it always did in attempt to thinko of something new.

It usually worked, a change in location. Of course, everywhere reminded me of him at this point. I worked hard to find a reason to think of him, despite the sickening feeling I got when I recalled our last conversation.

His grey sweater was hanging out of one of my drawers and I couldn't help but run a finger across the white line across the chest.

The white reminded me of snow, bringing a smile to my lips. We spent a majority of the break together, neither one of us wanting to be stuck alone with our parents. While the adults busied themselves around the fire we'd venture out into the snow. Fresh air and downtime were hard to come by with so many students. At home, we could just enjoy the snow, with all its snowball fight possibility, without a care in the world. It was fun with school on the horizon.

The thought sent a weight to my stomach. Not only would school start up again, but so would the tournament. He had a month a half left before the next Task. And Merlin knew he wasn't ready. I didn't want to assume his mind was occupied by me, I had no right with the way I had let Alex treat him and the way even I treated him, but something told me it wasn't a one way street with him on my mind.

"5 minutes!" Someone yelled downstairs.

The smile of mine fell immediately. There was too much and it was all happening too soon.

"I, I'm going to, uh, walk, outside."

I was already on the third step by the time Hermione ran to our room door to see me off. I didn't blame her as my spurt of energy didn't make much sense to me either.

All I knew was suddenly the walls were closing in and the music from the common room was too loud and I needed space. I needed out. I needed him.

The tears didn't well up in my eye until I slammed the Fat Lady shut. While the painting yelled about her sleep being disrupted, I was happy no one in the common room caught on to my state. They were all too hyped up on stolen liquor (courtesy of none other than the Weasley twins) to care at the freaking out girl running through in a T-shirt and jeans, carrying some grey sweater in her hands. I made a mental note to thank the redheads for them inebriating the whole House. I knew something was wrong when I couldn't even form a smile at the thought.

Sounds of laughter drove my direction, seconded by a known balcony I could go to. Fellow Gryffondors could respect my panicked state, but I couldn't be sure about other party-goers. While Puffs and Ravenclaws might simply give me a look of pity, and Slytherins would all in all stop me for a poke or two at my appearance, any interaction had to be avoided.

The halls twisted and turned as I curved away from the sounds of laughter than scattered the near-empty halls. While professors and prefects were usually less harsh during the break, the recent Dark Magic had put a knife to their backs in regard to students out too late. I didn't care though. Besides, most students were having their own House fun while the professors did the same. New Year's Eve was in the hands of the individual, with Christmas being the big holiday celebration. If anyone stopped me, I'd just say this was the way I was ringing in the New Year.

No one did stop me, allowing me to make it to the Fourth Floor balcony. My feet were leading more than my brain but I was thankful nonetheless. Out of breath, I leaned on the balcony. The wind swept air into my lungs and I took the wholeheartedly.

I closed my eyes, willing my breath to go back to normal. To deny this was scary was a lie, and I had had enough of lying. I didn't know why this was happening. I'd be lying if I wasn't waiting for a fortune. Panic sometimes settled as the unwanted future awaited to be seen. But the only bright light I could see was the moon, glowing in the sky all alone.

My lips hugged each other as the word alone hit me hard. It had barely taken the place of the panic when I heard a footstep behind me.

I spun around, reaching for the wand that I had tucked in Cedric's sweater.

"It's my shirt, ya know. If anyone should be casting a spell it would be me to you, wouldn't it, love?"