Summer Nightfalls (Completed) [R18]

19 : Albumin Level

Ivana

I JUST HOPED I won't see him today. Gaya ng aking inaasahan, busy ang ER kaya ganon din ang ward. Dumarami na ang mga pasyente sa ward kaya ayun at paparoon at paparito na naman ang mga nurses.

Sinuot ko ang aking coat at pumasok sa ospital. Buti nalang at natatakpan ng coat ko iyung mga kissmarks ko sa leeg. Walang baterya ang phone ko, kagabi pa kaya dumiretso agad ako sa doctor's lounge upang magcharge ng phone. I literally ran. I still need to see Jed despite the bullshits I've done last night.

" Doctor Montenegro, please proceed to the OR" Rinig kong wila nung announcer. May mga kasama akong interns na tumayo at dumiretso sa OR. I didn't.

Alam kong mapapagalitan ako dahil hindi ako pumasok kagabi kahit duty ako.

I took my things and went straight to the neuroward.

" Uy Doc! Bakit ngayon ka lang? Kagabi ka pa daw hinahanap ni Jed. Pati na iyung mama niya" Wika sa akin ni Chin pagkakita niya sa akin. I have nothing to answer aside from looking at her.

" Can I see Jed's chart?" I told her. Binigay naman niya agad sa akin iyung chart ni Jed. His vital signs are stable but I know better. His prognosis is not doing good. Dumiretso muna ako sa nurses' lounge para dun basahin iyung chart ni Jed bago pumasok sa ICU. Chin followed me.

" He had two seizure episodes last night. Diazepam PRN were given. So far walang seizure episode si Doc Jed sa shift ko. Nag-increase na din si Doc Villa kagabi ng Mannitol niya. Pareho kase kayong wala ni Doc Montenegro kagabi kaya si Doc Villa ang attending." Wika sa akin ni Chin.

" Alam kong wala akong karapatang manghimasok sa kung anuman ang meron kayo ni Doc Luigi. I am a witness to how your romance developed. One in a million ang love story niyo. That's the truth. Pero may Jed ka na, Vana. I'm sorry I have to call you the way I used to. Iyung Ivana kase na kilala ko, alam ang tama at mali. Blooming ka ngayon. Kita ko din iyang mga kissmarks mo sa leeg kahit itago mo pa. Hindi ako pinanganak kahapon para hindi malaman ang ginawa niyo ni Doc Luigi kagabi. Ang totoo niyan, masboto parin ako sa manok na puti. Masbagay kase kayo ni Doc Luigi. Pero sana huwag mong gawing extra rice si Doc Jed. Minahal ka nung tao. Iyun nga lang akala mo mahal mo din. Pero alam kong minahal mo sa paraang alam mo at kaya mong ibigay si Jed. You just haven't realized that you did not give what is due to Jed because you've reserved a huge part of it for Luigi. I can see that you stayed up awake all night. Alangan namang nagjack en poy kayo ni Doc Luigi diba. I cannot judge you because I'm not a judger. Chismosa pero maganda. Maharot pero hindi malandi. Minana ko sa 'yo. That's how you do it. Kita ko mga kalokohan mo nung ligawan stage palang sina doc Ibarra at Doc Ja. But you have a differente case scenario with Doc Luigi now. Jed's in a critical condition. They had a code last night. It was endorsed. Isang beses silang nagbigay ng epinephrine. He responded immediately. He is fighting Ivana. Alam mo ba kung anong bukambibig ni Doc Alfonso? It was your name. He's having seizure yet he's trying to call your name. They tried calling you, cannot be reached. Ganon din si Doc Montenegro. Kaibigan sa kaibigan, Ivana. Doc Jed won't be awake that long anymore. Matagal na tayo sa trabahong ito. Alam natin kung may laban pa o wala na ang isang pasyente. Kahit ayaw mo. Kahit gusto mong humaba pa ang buhay ng pasyente mo. Despite all the equipments we use, anatomically and physiologically speaking, there will come a time that it will fail to comply" Napayuko ako.

" And for the record, Doc Luigi came earlier than you. He checked two charts endorsed to him by Doc Villa and checked Doc Alfonso's chart prior. He visited the patient but did not write anything on his chart. I don't want to think negatively towards, Doc Luigi. He is supposed to check and write an order on all ICU charts since he's the consultant in charge but leaving aside one doesn't seem good for me. Personal reasons. Iyun lang naman ang dahilan diba. Hindi ko rin majudge si Doc Luigi, mahal ka nung tao eh. Kitang kita ko sa mga galawan niya palang. And he checked on the patient. Kahit sabihin nating hindi siya nagsulat sa chart." Kumuyom ang kamao ko dahil sa narinig ko mula kay Chin. Masakit ang loob ko. Luigi will always be Luigi. And I know that, but personal matters should be out from the picture.

Tumango ako bago tumingin kay Chin.

" Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Chin." That was the truth.

Huminga si Chin ng malalim.

" Be selfless, Ivana. The Ivana that I know acts that way. Masiniisip ang kapakanan ng iba bago ang sarili niya. Jed needs you more than Luigi. That is the acceptable truth. Luigi has his own reasons. But Jed, he has all the reasons for you to stay by his side" I really need a friend right now. I need someone who would let me realize the things I fail to realize.

" Go inside the ICU and meet Jed. He needs the truth, Doctor." I took a deep breath.

" That won't happen again" I was very determined but she smiled. A friendly one.

" Come on Ivana. Sa sobrang lagkit niyang tingin sa 'yo ni Doc Luigi? You think you will both end up with just a single night in bed. One night stands exists, Doctor Fajardo." She said.

" I supposed he will do his rounds on Doctor Alfonso with you later. He might use it as a reason to meet and talk with you. We know that we both live in a world were inequality is present, Ivana. Some use it for personal reasons, and it turns out that Doc Luigi's using it in his advantage. That's the sad truth." Napayuko ako. This is all my fault. A single mistake that I did change everything.

" Kaya mo 'to Ivana. Ikaw pa. You survived Doc Ibarra's wrath for how many years. I tell you, sisiw lang ang kamandag ni Doc Montenegro" Nakatunganga lamang ako sa chart ni Jed. Gone is the crazy Ivana. Ang hirap pala kapag ikaw na ang nakataya. I'm used to making fun of other people's love life, pero iyung akin sobrang seryoso. It's something I don't want to play with.

" Deal with like the Ivana I know, Doctor. And impress me once more with your Ivanamoves" Wika niya bago tumango at umalis na dahil may nagtatawag sa kaniya mula sa nurses' station. That was a good encouragement.

Halos mawalan ako ng tiwala sa sarili ko. Kahit baliktarin pa natin ang mundo, kasalanan ko. I cheated. It's the fucking truth. At hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin ang lahat sa kaniya ng hindi siya nasasaktan. Halos mapaupo na ako sa iyak ng makita ko ang kalagayan ni Jed. Intubated and critical, I wish I was with him when he needed me the most. Pero nasaan ako, nasa kama ng ibang lalaki, nagpapakasarap. Lumapit sa akin ang mama ni Jed at sinampal ako ng malakas.

" How dare you show your face, Ivana. Matapos mong iwan ang anak ko ng walang pasabi? Where were you last night? I saw you with that doctor. The one who operated on my son." Napapikit ako. The slap was painful but non comparable to the pain I've brought to her. Masakit din para sa isang ina ang ginawa ko

" I'm sorry po." That was all I can tell her. Lumapit ako kay Jed. He'a unconscious still. The operation was successful. But the patient's prognosis wasn't what I've expected.

Napahawak ako sa kamay ni Jed. Hindi ko namamalayang sunod sunod na pala ang mga luha kong tumutulo.

" You don't deserve this Jed" I whispered as I held his hand tighter.

And I don't deserve you. You deserve better than this. Marami akong gustong ipaliwanag sa kaniya. Last night with Luigi was something I wished did not happen. But it happened. Shit happened.

Nagpaubaya ako sa bugso ng damdamin. It wasn't something I am proud of. How did I end up on his bed? Ang mainit na tagpong nangyari sa amin kagabi ay nasundan pa ng ilang ulit muli. We did not just have sex in his bedroom. We did it on his couch, on his floor hanggang sa matagpuan ko nalang ang aking sarili sa sarili niyang banyo habang binabayo ng mabilis, malalim at matagal. Kahit nanginginig na ang mga tuhod ko dahil sa pangangayayat.

" Do you have something with that doctor?" Ilang sandali pay tanong sa akin ng mama ni Jed. I took a deep breath before answering her.

" Wala ho tita" A shitty lie that I have to pull through. Telling the truth will only complicate things.

I'll do it. I can go through this.

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