31 : Barium Enema

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Ivana

Which part of the process did I not understand? I have done everything wrongly. I am no fit to assist right now dahil gulong gulo ang isip ko. It's not even functioning right. I cannot swallow the truth of me pregnant with Luigi's child. I knew it from the start that he is determined to knock me out into pregnancy. He did a very good scrutinization of my body and planted his genes well.

Nevertheless, who am I to be someone negligent besides knowing the risks of what I have done? Alam ko nung una pa lang na hindi laro ang pinasok ko. At sa ilang taong pagsasama namin ni Luigi, dapat ay alam ko na isang sugal sa relasyon namin ni Jed ang ginawa kong pag-alay ng sarili ko sa kaniya.

At hindi natapos ang lahat ng iyun dun. My body craved for him. My soul searched for its missing part. And my heart never beated for someone else after him. Dahil kahit ano pang gawin kong paglimot sa kaniya at bigyan ng puwang si Jed sa puso ko, alam kong bumagsak ako sa larangang iyon.

I thought I love Jed. God knows how much I tried loving him. Pero hindi ko lubos maisip na masmasakit pala kung puso mo mismo ang kakalimot sa taong naging sanhi din ng sakit na nararamdaman mo dahil hindi nito kaya. My tongue speaks lies. But my heart never did.

I cannot forget Luigi because it is more painful to forget him than to let him go. Truth is, I let him go but had never forgotten everything about him. He still holds a huge part of my heart. Ikakamatay ko kung pipilitin kong burahin siya sa systema ko. My system was used to knowing him that forgetting him would lead me emotionally damaged.

Napahawak ako sa puson ko ng sikmurahin akong muli. Diretso ako sa banyo at duon muling sumuka. My vomitus takes like sour liquid and I hate. Probably full of hydrochloric acid.

Baby if you continue making mommy vomit we will lose potassium. We're going to have a problem in electrolyte imbalance. I thought to myself. Baliw kong kinausap ang anak ko sa aking isipan.

Janine came inside. Napamura ito ng makita ang sitwasyon ko. I am not even pleasant to the eyes.

" You're pregnant, Dra. Fajardo" She verbalized immediately. Seems like a confirmation.

" He knows" Muli niyang tugon. It wasn't even a question. I wiped my tears and looked at her. Nag abot siya ng tissue upang mapunasan ko ang labi ko. She embraced me.

" I'm not ready for this, Ja" I whispered.

" Well you have to be. It's no longer you and Luigi only, there's a baby involved. And knowing Luigi, he isn't someone you must take for granted." Janine said.

" My first pregnancy gave me ambivalence. I wasn't also prepared to be a mother. But Ibarra was very much prepared that time. He helped me with everything. Halos gabi gabi akong naghahanap ng kung ano ano pero ginawan niya lahat iyun ng paraan" She told me. Umiling ako.

" Iba si Ibarra kay Luigi. Luigi-" hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko ng marinig ko ang boses ni Ibarra sa pintuan

" Dr. Montenegro is head over heels in love with you Dra. Fajardo. I am a witness and I'll testify to that. Itataya ko ang lisensya ko. He came back with a single purpose. You. Nothing more nothing less. I already cleared both your schedules just for Dubai" He muttered. I gazed back at Janine who is also looking at me.

" I will not go." I stated calmly. The odds are different now. Ngayon alam niyang buntis ako. I even planned to ignore him for the whole duration of our trip. Now, I don't know if I can still be able to do it.

Hindi na nagsalita si Dr. Ibarra. He just pulled Janine in his arms and kissed her infront of me.

" I'll be at OR 14 for a brain surgery. Call me when you need me, I'll answer it. Take care Ja. I love you" He stated. Napakasweet parin nila kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas

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