(La Mémoire #1) NOSTALGIA

XXIV

XXIV
wish

"Club naman tayo. Stress na 'ko sa school works." Bungad ng text ni Linn nang sumunod na Biyernes.

Weekend naman na at mukhang stressed na talaga siya kaya pumayag ako. I also felt like I could use some unwinding.

It's been days since that night with Stav, but I still couldn't stop feeling a bit guilty and regretful. I felt like I have been too harsh pushing him away like that. But that's too ironic because isn't that's what I've always wanted? To push him away? To express how much I hated him?

Napabuntong hininga ako at pinagpatuloy na lang ang pagpipinta sa tinatapos kong obra.

When I ordered lunch later that day, I found another enevelope in my doorstep. Gaya ng nakasanayan, agad ko iyong binuksan.

Tinungo ko ang kwarto ko upang isabit ang natanggap na litrato sa polaroid wall. Ngunit hindi ko iyon agad nagawa sa pagkamangha sa litrato. It was a photo of a pressed-sunflower necklace. I eyed it for a long time. It was beautiful.

A distant part of my heart clenched for reasons I didn't know. There was something magical about the photo. The golden chain of the necklace and the pressed sunflower inside it looked sadly beautiful. 

How could I feel so sad for a photo I have no recollection of? I spent a few more minutes looking at it, hoping it would spark something.

When nothing happened, I hang it next to the row of polaroids. Nagpatuloy ang araw ko hanggang sa dumating na ang Sabado.

"What? He begged on your doorstep?" Halos lumuwa ang mga mata ni Linn nang ikwento ko ang huling pagkikita namin ni Stav.

Humilig ako sa bar counter at sumimsim sa kalalapag lang na cocktail. Linn, on the other hand, could not keep her eyes and ears off me. Kung sa bagay, ngayon lang ulit kami nagkasama at nagkausap ng ganito. The bitch's studying in Ateneo but goes home every day in Manila.

"Ang O.A. naman ng beg, pumunta lang siya sa studio."

"But that's almost like that. I mean, you told me about Zach's warning, na may kinalaman ang pamilya ni Stav sa pagkaasidente mo. I get that you're mad at Stav for not telling you about it but I didn't think you'd push him away like that."

"What? Gano'n ba katanga ang tingin mo sa'kin na hindi ko kayang magalit sa kaniya?" My forehead creased, half-offended.

"No, Lia. You are very smart! You'll give him the benefit of the doubt!" Panay sigaw nito dahil sa ingay ng musika sa club.

"I gave him so much benefit of the doubt.."

"But what if he didn't tell you because he's afraid you'll judge him and you'll do this? You'll push him away before you could even hear his side. Maybe he has his reasons and you didn't even listen."

"But he lied to me, Linn. He had all the time to tell me. He knew so well I was trying hard to remember my past and he didn't tell me a single thing. That's because he knew what his family probably did!"

"God, Lia. I don't think his family's capable of doing that. And do you really think that badly of Stav? To the point that he could lie for his family's crime?"

"Well, maybe! It's his family." I mocked sardonically. Linn remained unconvinced.

"Maybe that's what you have to find out. It's either his family's innocent or he's lying for his family." She remarked slyly.

"How could I possibly know that?"

"Get on his pants," Linn smirked.

"Alam mo? 'Di na ako dapat nag-expect ng matinong idea sa'yo."