(La Mémoire #1) NOSTALGIA

XXV

XXV
walk

The candle lights continued to flicker in the shadows of the dim room. Amid their tiny flames, Stav held me in his gaze.

"Seriously Stav, make a wish." I said just so he would stop staring.

Batid kong kapag hindi niya pa binawi ang mga mata niya sa akin ay mabibitawan ko na ang cake sa kaba.

"You should sing a happy birthday first." He drawled.

I couldn't tell if he was taunting for he appeared utterly serious. His deep brown eyes were still glued at me like I'd slip if he look away.

"Ano ka bata? I won't sing you a happy birthday."

Hindi ito natinag, nanatiling nakatitig at seryoso kaya lalo akong naging tensyunado. Tumikhim ako at napalunok.

"Happy birthday to you..." Nanginginig ang maliit kong boses.

Saktong pagsimula ko ay gumuhit ang ngisi sa kaniyang labi. His smile looked too genuinely innocent, like a little kid who had just received a present.

"Happy birthday to you.." I continued to sing.

"Happy birthday to you.." I remember myself singing in one summer afternoon.

Sa pagitan ng maliliit na segundong iyon, tila ibinabalik ako ng sarili kong awitin sa isang malayong panaginip kung saan kapareho ngayon, mayroong kandila at cake at mayroong pag-awit ng happy birthday.

But the blue skies and Acacia tree vanished as soon as I finished singing. Then there was nothing but Stav, his wounded face and his razor sharp eyes that are now piercing against me. I felt too small under the intensity of his gaze. My frail hands held the birthday cake unstably due to my growing nervousness.

He leaned in closer, pursed his lips and in one fluid motion, killed the candle's flame.

"Do you still hate me?" Bigla niyang tanong matapos kong ibalik sa lamesa ang cake.

"Yes."

"Is that what you feel right now?" He taunted darkly.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil alam kong hindi iyon ang nadarama ko ngayon.

"Do you honestly have no feelings for me, Zhalia?"

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit bigla niya akong pinauulanan ng ganitong mga tanong. Napako ako sa kinauupan habang bayolente ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

"I've said it before..."

"Yes but I want you to say it again now."

"Why?"

"Because you chose to stay despite the fact that you're scared of me. You said it too, Lyon's hurt and you like him but you're here with me."

Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa arm rest ng sofa at humilig papalapit sa akin. I flinched as I felt my heart lurch with his new proximity.

"You probably know to yourself why you're here. But you just can't admit it."

Tinipon ko ang lahat ng lakas loob habang sinasalubong ang kaniyang mga mata.

"No, Stav."

Tinitigan ako nito bago tumango, wala ng lakas makipagtalo.

"I may be all the bad things but I'm honest with what I feel." Makahulugan niyang sabi.

Napalunok ako. All of a sudden, there is this increasing tension between us. He was too much. His dominating presence in this dim-lit room and his words that couldn't be more true are all making me lose myself.