(La Mémoire #1) NOSTALGIA

XXVII

XXVII
art

Stav was frozen in a daze when our palms touched. I filled the gap between his fingers with mine until we were firmly holding hands. But that didn't last long.

"What are you doing?" Parang nakuryenteng binawi niya ang kamay.

Kapwa kami napahinto sa paglalakad sa dulo ng daan. Na sa harap na kami ng stoplight at sa dalawang bahagi ay ang patuloy na traffic.

"What? I held your hand."

"Don't do that again." He warned darkly.

I can't believe him. He doesn't like to hold hands but he had the guts to kiss me when he was drunk?! And what was last week? He was trying to seduce me with a goddamn cup of coffee. Now I could never drink coffee the same way again.

"What? Hindi ba pwedeng maghawak kamay ang magkaibigan?"

"I told you I don't want to be your friend."

Mabilis ang mga sasakyang dumaraan sa highway na na sa gilid at harapan namin. Ngunit ano mang ingay ng trapiko ay patuloy kaming nagtalo.

"I get it Stav. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you're so good with words but you can't handle a little skinship." I argued.

Hindi naman pwedeng magpatalo ako, ano? It's my first time to reach out and he called me for it! Nakakahiya.

Umawang ang labi nito. Mukhang may sasabihin pa siya ngunit bumuntong hininga na lang at kinuyom ang panga.

"I can be bold with my actions too."

"Really? What can you do right now then? In the middle of this highway?"

Tiningala ko siya. The passing cars behind him continued to blow a polluted air, making his hair dangle on his heavy eyelids.

He advanced towards me. For a moment, I prayed he wouldn't do anything. We're in the middle of a fucking highway. Baka mamaya mavideohan kami rito.

Halos mawalan ako ng balanse kakatingala nang sobrang lapit na niya. Yumuko ito sa akin. Nahigit ko ang hininga nang kabigin niya ang braso ko at iginaya sa crosswalk.

"Red light na."

He held on to me as we crossed the pedestrian lane.

Nabunutan ako ng tinik. Akala ko kung ano'ng gagawin nito. Habang naglalakad na kami patungo sa train station, pilit kong dinudungaw ang mukha niya, nanunukso. He seemed so pissed now.

"What, Zhalia? Don't you try to do anything again."

"Bakit ba kasi ayaw mo ng holding hands? It's a normal thing for friends."

"Yes, but I'm not your friend. I like you."

"And so?"

"And you don't like me back, don't you?"

I looked away guiltily.

"See? If you don't like me back yet, don't give me hope. You're giving me hope when you're holding my hand."

"Well, I'm sorry. Hindi ko alam na big deal pala iyon."

"It is. Paano kung si Lyon ang gumawa noon sa'yo?"

I imagined Lyon holding my hand. Well, nakakakilig siguro iyon. Pero parang hindi ko maisip ang posibleng madarama ko.

"If he holds your hand, you'll be happy and you'll assume that he likes you back, right?"

My brows met. Hindi ko talaga maimagine ang pinupunto niya. I mean, at least I can't imagine it with Lyon. I did liked him but these days, I tend to forget that I actually did.