The Beauty in Eternity

Chapter 105.

Note: I have provided a list of the songs I listened to whilst writing these next two chapters in the comments; feel free to listen for a fuller experience.

| Warning: The next few chapters contain sensitive topics such as mental health and other issues which may be triggering to some. Please refrain from reading at any point if these things begin to upset you. |

Amara's POV:

I sit, perched on my couch as I try to contain my thoughts. I can't think, I can't do anything. I know Jennifer is experienced, a licensed therapist, she knows what she's talking about—I know I should listen to her, give him space. But the more he pushes me away, as much as he tells me he doesn't want me there, I can't shake the feeling that he needs me. He needs me there. With him.

"Screw this," I kiss my teeth, grabbing my car keys in a hurry.

If it was me, Mason wouldn't stay away. I just know he wouldn't. I need to do the same for him.

The whole drive there is a blur, my heart is pounding and I'm scared of what I'm going to find on the other side of this door. My mason, or the ghost of himself.

I open the already unlocked door and find him in the same place as always, on his couch watching tv. I stand in front of him, blocking his view, but his eyes don't meet me.

"Mason, if you want space I will give you space. But not until I know that you're safe." I say with more confidence than I actually have. There was conviction in my voice, but my whole body is weak.

His eyes don't shift. His leg is bouncing up and down, as mine does when I'm anxious. But this is different. "Mason, you don't have to do this alone. That's what I'm here for, remember? You never have to do this alone again."

Not one movement, he doesn't even flinch. My eyes start to fill, no matter how much I try to hold it back. No matter how desperately I want to control my emotions for him. "Please, Mason. Let me be here for you." I beg, a tear falling from my eye. He is so vacant.

"Mason please," I continue to plea desperately. "Please just talk to me, let me in."

"Enough!" he screams, standing to his feet.

I jump at his action, and can't draw my eyes from the rage that fills his own. His body is pulsating with anger—and I have never seen him less himself.

"I don't fucking love you!" he yells, staring into my eyes with complete faith in his words.

That's not true. I know it's not true. I feel my heart break, but he doesn't mean it. "That's not true, Mason. It's not," I cry. "You're just hurting."

"I've never loved you, Amara, don't you get that I lied?" he continues, his venomous words poisoning my heart. "I didn't even know what love was. I lied. I lied, because I didn't want to be alone."

I take a deep breath and process, trying to let the words roll off of me like I want them to. Pretending that they haven't already sank their sharp claws into my skin and pierced my heart. I reach out my hand cautiously to touch his arm. "Please tell me what's going on."

"Why? Why do you want to know?" he growls, his brow furrowed and his tone harsh. He seems frantic, unhinged. Not himself. And for the first time, I fear it. I fear him.

"Get out!" he screams in rage. "You don't even love me, you never have!"

I stop in my tracks, lowering my hand to my side. I can't find the words to respond. It's like everything just freezes, time just stops.