Hidden Away

Twenty-Six: Thriving

I'm woken up the next morning by sunlight hitting my face. I groan, rolling over in my bed. My eyes snap open when I realize I'm in my bed and not where I had originally fallen asleep the night before.

When I left Evan's room, I refused to leave his door and let him leave in the morning without at least saying goodbye, so I fell asleep leaning against his door. I didn't care who would walk by and see me.

I quickly get out of my bed and run out of my room, not caring about my appearance. I run to Evan's room and knock on the door, pressing my ear to it. I don't hear anything for a couple seconds, so I knock again, waiting a couple more seconds and getting the same response.

A panic settles within me, making me turn the doorknob and push the door open. The room is just like I had found it last night: spotless. The bed is made, no wrinkle in sight, and there's not a thing out of place. My legs suddenly feel unsteady under me and I collapse to the floor, my body shaking. I'm doing everything to stop a sob from escaping my throat. There's already a lump caught in there, along with all the other emotions I'm trying to keep at bay. The only thing I let escape are my tears. I had said that I would try my best to stop letting my emotions get the best of me so much, but now, I can't help but let some of it escape.

"You really left me, huh?" I whisper to myself, gripping my knees as I rock back and forth on the ground. "You left me, and you didn't even say goodbye," I say, crying. I remember the kiss we shared the night before. It meant so much to me. It even made me feel something new for him. As shocking as it is, this is the first time I'm admitting that I've been starting to feel something new for him. It makes me feel foolish. Evan had admitted loving me for so long, and every time he told me it, I would push him away. I don't deserve feeling something for him. Not after pushing him away like I did.

"I didn't leave, Norah," he whispers behind me, causing me to jump up. I get up from where I let myself fall and turn around, seeing him standing in the doorway with a tray of food in his hands. "I'm not leaving just yet. I wanted to have breakfast with you one last time." Hearing him utter the words, one last time feels like a slap to the face. It makes my heart drop and a heaviness settle in my chest.

"Oh," I say, avoiding eye contact. "I thought you left."

He shakes his head. "I'm still leaving, just not yet." He walks further into the room and sits on the edge of his bed, placing the tray in front of him. He reaches over and pats the spot across from him and the tray, motioning for me to join him. I wipe my tears away and join him. The tray has two plates of pancakes on it, along with two glasses of orange juice. The pancakes have just the right amount of syrup drizzled over them, with a dollop of whipped cream precisely placed in the center of the one on top. Evan hands me a plate and a fork and I take it. I would be beyond excited to try these pancakes if I weren't constantly reminding myself that this is the last meal I could possibly have with my best friend.

We start eating in silence. Well, more like Evan started eating. I haven't eaten any of it or drank any of my juice. I'm just playing with it at this point. I only got as far as cutting the pancakes into pieces, but I haven't been able to put a single piece in my mouth. I'm just moving them around with my fork, staring at them, trying to make up the courage to put one in my mouth. I feel sick to my stomach and I'm not really up for throwing everything back up later.

"You need to eat," Evan says with his mouth full, pointing to my plate with his fork.

I shake my head. "I'm not really hungry," I say, not looking up from my plate. Evan is almost halfway done with his at this point. "I feel kind of sick." My mind keeps reminding me of our kiss. The way I felt during it, with butterflies swarming my stomach, and the way I felt after. I remember not being able to fathom what was going on in the moment until it had already happened. I remember the feelings it left me with, both old and new. I would do anything to feel what I felt again.