Hear Me Sin

Chapter Thirty Four

THE SHARPNESS OF THE SUN HIT FRENCH in the face, making him curse and rub his eyes. He hated when he was disturbed from his sleep before he was ready to get up. He made a mental note to replace the curtains so they were thicker. Feeling something on top of his body, he glanced and went tense staring into Inola's face.

Right away flashes of last night played through his head like a movie. Remorse flooded French as he immediately looked away from her and gently eased himself from under her. He sat up in the bed and looked around as if trying to confirm they were in his room. They definitely were.

French covered his face in regret and just sat there for a moment. When he gathered himself he went straight into his master bathroom and twisted the shower pipes on. He stepped inside and did his morning routine of showering, shaving and brushing his teeth. When he came out he got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He entered his room again and couldn't help but stare at Inola on the bed. He felt instant anger. How could he have done this? He made love to this woman. He had let her get close enough for him to think it was okay to want to feel love again.

She was in his room, in his bed. He had wanted her here last night. It got him hard that she'd been here. Now he was just disgusted with himself. How could be bring a woman in the bed he use to share with the love of his life? How could he make love to another woman? It was one thing with the other women. They were randoms he fucked. Women he took the the guest rooms. He had brought Inola in Uki's room. He had disrespected Uki's name and the history of their marriage.

Yet even right now, part of him enjoyed it last night, cherished it even.

"Fuck!" French screamed at the top of his lungs, pacing back and forth in the room. He glanced over at Inola who hadn't moved an inch. He was frustrated with himself, coming to grips with the fact that he felt something for this woman. He looked at her laid out on his bed completely naked as she slept soundly.

This wasn't suppose to happen. He was only suppose to protect her to clear his conscious for all the lives he took. This was only suppose to be a mission of keeping her safe until he killed the man who wanted them all dead; but last night proved otherwise. Right now proved otherwise. It would all be so easy to just feed her to the wolves, but he knew he wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that.

French's breath was sharp an audible as he sat down on his side of the bed. He scratched the sides of his head with both hands, thinking about his next move. The funny thing was he wasn't even worried about the enemies coming after him. He was more so worried about the situation right now.

This was becoming too much for him. It would be easier to just let her leave and protect her from a distance. If he cut his losses now it would bother him less. The longer he took, the longer she spent with him, the harder it would be. He bent his head all the way down, covering his ears like music was blasting.

Why'd you have to leave me, Uki? I'm not strong enough for this shit. French thought. Just as he picked his head back up, he was met with slender arms wrapping around his neck from behind. He felt a kiss on the back of his neck, making him unclasp her arms from around him as he got up to face her.

Stop. He signed.

She didn't look stunned by his reaction. Which meant she wasn't that naïve or she had a bit of common sense for a woman her age, to know their situation was complicated. But she did look slightly hurt. That same innocent and confused look is what weakened French's defenses in the first place.

You and I can't happen...we can't ever do this again. I can't touch you. He signed, defiantly.

Inola knew what his issue was. He felt guilty for what they did, guilty for the things he said to her last night. He still wasn't over his deceased wife and he felt ashamed for liking what they did and feeling the way he did about her. He felt like a piece of shit that never loved her and was moving on and forgetting about her.