the feelings that we hide | SPENCER REID

19. back again

Vanessa's small break from work had finished, which meant she'd be back in Quantico the next day. She didn't want to face her co-workers, especially Emily, who knew all about her life with Nathan.

She threw on a quick outfit: loose fitted, light blue straight jeans; a sage green cardigan with a white tank top underneath; ankle high socks; and white sneakers. Her hair was straight and parted down the middle, making sure to brush it through again on her way out. And the entire time, she made sure to be quiet as to not wake Nathan.

"Oh my god," gasped Penelope, sitting on Spencer's desk with a coffee mug in her hand. Him, along with Derek and Emily, looked over at the entrance as they saw Vanessa enter.

With a straight face, she walked up to Hotch's office without giving a glance at the team below. She looked so serious to the others, but Emily knew she was still upset— she somehow always knew.

"Come in," said Hotch from the knock at his door.

Vanessa entered and brought her go-bag into both of her hands so it rested on the front of her legs.

"Just came to let you know I'm back," she said, trying to smile, and Hotch nodded.

"Glad to have you back," he answered, not looking up at her. "Same desk as always, Rhodes."

Nodding, Vanessa gave a small thumbs up with a smile and left the office, her smile quickly fading once she turned.

"Well, hello," said Penelope, and Vanessa pressed her lips into a straight smile with a wave. "You look adorable." Garcia was clearly trying to cheer her up, but it wasn't working.

"You alright?" Emily asked as Vanessa sat down, kicking her go-bag under her desk. She nodded and swiveled her chair away from them all. That's when the other four exchanged worried looks, most of them looking at Spencer.

Really? he mouthed, and they all nodded with wide eyes.

"Ness?" Spencer said softly. "Come with me to get a coffee?"

"Coffee isn't really my thing anymore, but thanks Reid," she replied, not turning over, with a cold tone.

Emily, Derek, and Penelope furrowed a brow at her, then to Spencer, who shrugged and shot his hands up in defense.

"Tea?" asked Morgan, but Vanessa shook her head.

Penelope gasped again, more excitingly, "Water!"

Vanessa managed to chuckle making Spencer's heart feel fuzzy, and bringing smiles to all their faces.

"Right you are, Pen," said Vanessa, scribbling down on some case files.

"Maybe you and Pretty Boy can go get some water together?" asked Morgan, jokingly this time.

"I'm okay," she responded, and the team went silent now.

Spencer was fidgeting way more with his pen and couldn't seem to sit still. Every now or so he would kick under his desk unexpectedly, Emily and Derek giving him weird looks whenever he did.

Later throughout the day, the team decided to give up on asking Vanessa any questions. They all knew she wouldn't give in that easily, so it would be useless trying. But, according to Morgan, he believed Spencer would be able to; Emily believed she could do it on her own.

When Vanessa stood up, the three pair of eyes followed her over to the back of the room where they figured she was going to grab a coffee.

"Go!" Morgan whisper shouted at Spencer, who jumped and almost fell out of his chair.

"I thought we agreed on Emily?" he fought back.

"No, Spencer," Prentiss drew out. "Try it?"

Spencer rolled his eyes and looked over at Vanessa, brushing his hair out of his face. Both of her hands were pressed against the counter as she waited for the coffee to brew. Everything around her seemed so loud. From the key boards clicking, to the telephones ringing, she was about to lose it. Then a hand touched her shoulder, bringing her back into reality.

"You alright?" asked Spencer, looking at her with concerning eyes and letting go of her shoulder.

Vanessa nodded. "Fine... Spencer..."

Spencer nodded too and rose a brow quickly, leaning his back against the counter and facing Emily and Derek, who were both so obviously watching.

"I thought coffee wasn't 'your thing' anymore," he chuckled.

"Give me a break, Spencer, I need this..."

He smiled down at her, not knowing what to say now.

"What about you?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Ye— Yeah... Why wouldn't I be?" he answered back a bit more suspiciously. She knew him well enough to know something was wrong.

Instead of barging into his business, she grabbed the hot coffee and poured it into a disposable cup, pressing the lid down.

"Thank you," she spoke suddenly again, looking down at her cup, "for checking on me when I was out..."

"Oh— yeah," Spencer shrugged with a smile.

Vanessa smiled back. A small one. More into a straight line, but he could tell she was trying. And then she started to leave. Since their desks were close to each other, he followed behind her. And when Vanessa sat down, she faced away again. Derek and Emily both gave Spencer a look of 'so did it work?' but he shook his head knowing he didn't even try to get through to her.

Emily scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Hey, Nessa?"

"Hmm?" she replied, scribbling again.

"The girls and I are going out this weekend... do you want to come with us?"

Vanessa turned her chair around to face Emily, giving her a bigger smile than the one she gave Reid.

"Just us girls," Emily repeated, "Me, you, JJ, and Garcia?"

"Where too?" said Vanessa. She seemed genuinely intrigued, and Derek and Spencer stared baffled.

"A club."

Vanessa's smile and mood went down. She knew Nathan wouldn't let her go, especially not to a club.

With a sigh, she said, "Maybe next time..."

"Oh, come on," Emily whined, "It's one night, and you've had over a week off... We miss you, Vanessa."

"We'll see," she said with another sigh.

"Great! I'll pick you up at 7!"

Vanessa's mouth gaped open. She didn't say she was going, but it was too late to say anything since Emily was already walking off, most likely to tell Penelope or JJ.

"I didn't say I was going—" she said startled, looking at Morgan. "Did I say I was going?"

Morgan rose his brows and shook his head, swinging side to side in his chair. Then Vanessa looked at Reid who also shook his head.

"Geez..."

And at that, Spencer cracked a smile before getting back to work.

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