the feelings that we hide | SPENCER REID

12. wreck of our hearts

The two colleagues walked up to steps of Spencer's apartment complex before getting to his door. He jammed his key in the doorknob, slowly opening it. The security alarm started to beep as he quickly turned on the light and went over to press in his pin.

Vanessa closed the door behind her and locked it. She actually had a good habit of locking her front door, unlike Hotch or Emily who'd walk in and forget to lock it. You'd think they'd take better safety measures considering the fact that they're FBI agents.

"Have a seat," Spencer said to her, motioning his hands towards his sofa when he realized she was standing there, examining his apartment.

His apartment was nice. It was cozy and warm, and had books everywhere she turned.

"Where do you wanna start?" She questioned him, taking a seat as he sat in the armchair across from her.

"The beginning, I guess?" He didn't know what to say. It all felt like a dream then, and now it's like reliving the trauma.

"Hotch sent you and JJ to talk with Tobias," Vanessa started out, resting her elbows on her knees. "Then what."

"He wouldn't let me use his bathroom." A small smile plastered across his face, causing the girl to smile with him. "JJ was upset because I didn't tell her that I had to go." She was still holding her grin while listening to him. "But then I ran around back and saw all the computers Tobias had set up," both their smiles went down. "He had the computer cameras of other victims...and that's when I knew that he was the unsub...anyway, Tobias ran out back into the barn and JJ and I went to go check it out."

"You guys went without backup?"

"I figured Hotch would've came looking for us if we didn't come back—and that's what happened."

Vanessa pressed her lips together and scrunched her eyebrows. He took a huge risk with Tobias without any back up, and she hated that he didn't wait for them.

"But—I went around back and that's when...you know," Spencer spoke softly—Vanessa nodding her head in response.

"What happened after he took you?"

"You saw on the video, didn't you?"

"Yes...but only parts."

Spencer didn't want to answer that question. He didn't want to tell her about the drugs, even though she had already known.

"You don't have to tell me," she said after seeing him tense up. "But I kind of figured out what happened...and you can always talk to me—about anything." Reid had his head down as she kept her eyes locked on him. "I know this could get you fired...so I won't tell anyone...but please, you are going through so much, and I don't want you to go through this alone...you have a bad habit of locking in your emotions."

"You do too."

That was true. Vanessa hid her feelings just as much as Reid did.

"This is big deal, Spencer," she stated. "I wouldn't want anything to get out of hand and you end up—" Her voice cracked just thinking about Spencer being gone. Gone as in dead. Spencer immediately looked up after hearing her sniffle. "You know what I mean." She took a deep breath and starting picking at her nails again, staring at them.

They both sat in silence for a minute. Vanessa needed a second to cool down and avoid any tears dropping—and Reid was trying to process everything that had just happened.

"What about you?" He broke the silence. The girl looked up at him with a raised brow. "You've been tense lately."

"I'm just—sore," she fake smiled while nodding her head.