Flickering Hope.

15. He knows what He's doing and you gotta trust Him.

"...It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." (Al Baqarah 2:216).

[Note - I think this is the first time I'm quoting or should I say copy-pasting from my personal journal, at least for the write-ups to post here in this book and platform, maybe I've posted some poetries like 'Recompense' or 'I Rise' but not a journal entry as far as I can remember and it's awkward/scary to say the least.

The reason I've typed out the above entries isn't for complaining about those trials or for gaining some sympathy/duas. Let me explain the logistics because c'mon we've all seen people judging and jumping to conclusions without a second thought, haven't we?

I write about Hope (primarily, + pain, endurance and faith as related topics), so be assured I shared them for Hope itself.]

8/2/2021

/I want it to go away, completely/ Journal Entry

I am tired of life coming around in circles, in those exact arcs I escaped or You saved me from, You made me stand there again. Here, I am again, standing in the exact same place still afraid to face it.

I know there's ease, small doses of ease showing up, smoothening a part of the journey. But I'm ungrateful, I want it to go away completely and not in portions. I know there's hikmah (wisdom) in it, I'll become a stronger and better person when I overcome this but why is it so draining, so exhausting.

I agree that I'm not seriously doing anything but you can't blame me, I am also human, I feel like I'm made to work as a robot. My lips are seconds away from screaming out the complaints stuffed within.

***

24/3/2021

/He knows what He's doing and you gotta trust Him./ Journal Entry

Nothing else, no other way out.

I don't know till when can I keep calm, my lips are sealed because I don't wanna scream. I've grown numb, not willing to open my mouth and spill all the sourness of this situation.

It's challenging, He has made us get this far and He'll do so for what lies ahead.

You still got this Boo, the game is strong but so are you.

Love ya,

Xx.

***

You know how life goes around in circles, sometimes you are afraid of certains arcs that stand before you, you are stressed about how in the world are you even going to get through it,you think through in circles and circles and not find a way out, you complain and cry and give up, but He saves you and you sigh a long breath of relief. Then comes another season, which brings you to the exact arc you're afraid of facing before and this time along with no way out, there are other factors which makes the situation even more stressful.

You seal your lips, to keep in the complaints and grow numb, to suppress the emotions bubbling in. Every passing day drains the colour from your face gradually, your heart grows heavier, your mind isn't able to see a way out and like that, you lower your armour and give in.

Or you take that leap of Faith and trust Him.

At least for me, things were extremely stressful compared to the last time I wanted to escape that particular arc and it was only getting worse to a point that I didn't understand what I was supposed to even do, but I just did one thing for which I'm grateful for, I decided to trust Him.