How Do I Say I Love You?

Why are you crying?

Waking up from a nightmare is never easy. It lingers in your mind for days afterwards. It's like a pit of tar from which you cant claw your way out of no matter how hard you try.

Groaning, I clenched my fist, feeling something in my hand. My eyes opened once again, only to see darkness. My mouth was dry and I could hardly speak. A slight ringing echoed in my ears. Something warm was under my fingertips. I then realized that I was holding a hand.

I squeezed the hand tighter and tried to imagine that it was Izuku. I hadn't seen him in so long, it felt like years. I wanted to hold him close, to be able to wake up from this dream. I wanted to kiss his lips again, to feel his skin under my hands.

I started to smell something sweet. Like strawberries. It made me smile, my stomach full of butterflies. I started to see his face in front of me. I could almost touch him.

"Kacchan? You're awake?" I glanced over to the figure and saw that it was Izuku. Though my head throbbed painfully, I sat up and hugged him.

Kissing his face, I said, "I missed you." I didn't know why my head hurt and why we were in the dark. "Where are we?" I looked around the dark room, trying to make out any objects. I felt him shiver, almost pushing me away.

A sharp prick in my arm made me think of an IV. The sharp smell of bleach confirmed my thought of being in the infirmary.

Crystalline tears formed in his eyes. He shakily brought his hand to his mouth as though to hold in a scream."Why were you doing that to yourself?!" What was he talking about?

I grabbed his hand, tightly, so that he wouldn't yank away again. "Why did I do what to myself?"

I quickly scanned my arms, searching for anything that I may have done. But there was nothing. No burns, no scratches, no bandages.

His face went pale and he looked grim.

My chest ached and I asked, "Baby, what's wrong? Are you sick?" I painfully reached out to him, my hands aching.

I held his face in my hands, watching as I could see his heart break. He shook his head and continued to sob. Large tears rolled down his cheeks as I tried to wipe them away with my hurting and shaky thumbs.

Why is he crying? Did I do something to him? If I did, I'd....

No.

I can't do that. It'd hurt him more than me.

I pulled him into a gentle hug, stroking his hair. "It's gonna be okay Izuku." I soothed him, pushing back the immense headache I had. It felt as though the room around me was spinning but I held myself firm.

I kissed his cheeks, wiping away his tears with my hands. He soon calmed down and laid in the bed next to me. Worriedly, I pulled him to my chest so it could be like old times. I could feel my heart racing but I knew something was wrong with him. He just needed to tell me what it was.

I love him. That won't change. But why does it feel as though I've done something terrible to him?

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The next few days were agonizingly slow. Doctors constantly came in, checking on me but I didn't know why. None of them would talk to me unless they had to.

And it was getting pretty annoying. I would ask them why I was there, but they all left at the first opportunity.

Even Izuku had left. He hadn't come back since I first woke up. With each new day, I was more and more anxious to see him again.  I tried to call him, but he never answered. I cried when he did not answer. I cried at night, hoping that he'd be beside me when I woke up again.

The first day that they let me walk around on my own, I was ready to go home. I was sick of being trapped in the hospital, where people were dying all around me. It made me feel sick to my core.

As I started packing up the things that Izuku had brought on his first day there, I couldn't seem to find his things that he left. I looked all throughout the small rooms that we were allowed but then realized that I hadn't checked the bathroom.

Walking in, the lights were off. The tile was ice cold beneath my bare feet, sending a chill up my spine. I switched the light on, only to see a broken boy. He looked like a child in the middle of a war zone.

Everything felt so wrong, so different.

His once violent, lively ruby eyes were nothing more than burgundy blots of ink. Glistening tears welled up in his eyes, rolling down his face and dripping onto the tile. His ash blonde hair was cut shorter, stitches sewn neatly around his hairline. His cheeks were sunken in slightly, and he looked ill.

His skin was pale, all the blood from his face had been lost. His once plump coral lips were now chapped and thin. Dark circles rested under his eyes, and I couldn't tell whether it was from exhaustion or pain.

His body was frail and thin once more. His body lacked proper nutrition, begging the starving boy to feed it. Bones were visible when they weren't supposed to and he was shaking.

His lip quivered, eyes narrowing. Slowly, this boy raised his hand to the mirror, as though he wanted to see if it was real.

He knew that he was more than this body, that there was an entire world in his mind, love to be shared. Heartache and heartbreak seemed to flow from his soul. Emotions poured from his eyes, too many to count.

His fingers pressed against the cold glass, hesitating before yanking them away.

His face was twisted in a frown, mixed with fear and confusion. Who was this boy?

This boy was nothing more than a shell in which a flicker of life remained. He looked so familiar, the expression, the face. It was until I had seen the bandage from which my IV had been placed that I didn't know who he was.

I shuddered at the realization, refusing to believe. My mind tried to put the pieces together as to why it was him. Why? Why? Why? My lip quivered as I accepted the cold truth.

This was me.

(Summary: so Baku wakes up with no memory of the previous night and does not understand why Izuku is crying. He tries to comfort him but feels guilty for some reason. He then is discharged from the hospital and is collecting his stuff when he goes into the bathroom. He sees his reflection, not understanding that he is seeing himself. He has no clue as to why he looks so messed up and is terrified, thinking that it is a hallucination)