Fix Me

chapter eight

"Fuuuckkkk" I groan as I peel my eyes open when I hear my alarm go off. It's always ten times louder when I have a hangover.

I turn my phone off and rub my eyes trying to wake myself up. Even though my body doesn't want to, I force myself out of the bed and groggily walk into the bathroom.

I look at my face in the mirror.

Ugh.

Not a good face, although it perfectly reflects the night that I had. The bags under my eyes nicely compliment what was once the white but now red portion of my eyes. My hair is pouffy and tangled and I overall just look completely horrible.

Not wanting to stare at myself any longer, I hop in the shower and let the hot water wake me up.

Once I'm finished showering I head back into my room to get dressed. I quickly put on some jeans and a t-shirt and slip on my white vans. I shuffle back in the bathroom and take my pill for my leg. I put some eye drops in to clear the redness and then put a bit of concealer under my eyes to cover the bags. Lastly, I put on mascara to make myself look more awake and run a flat iron through my hair. I grab my bag and then walk downstairs.

"Morning" I give Anna and Caroline a small smile.

"You look very chippy considering the night you had" Caroline says eating a bowl of cereal.

"Chippy?" I chuckle at the use of her word. "And what are you talking about? My night was fine"

Deflect.

Ignore.

Gaslight if I need to.

"Do you not remember anything that happened?" Anna asks looking up from her laptop.

Nothing that happened yesterday should have happened in the first place.

I walk over to the cabinet and grab a bowl and a packet of oatmeal. "I thought you had an earlier class today?" I ask her redirecting the conversation.

"It was canceled. Do you seriously not remember anything from last night?" she asks again.

I shrug and put milk in my oatmeal and then put it in the microwave. "I'm not exactly sure what you're referring to"

Of course I know what she's talking about. I was drunk off my ass but I still remember everything. Everything. I just would much rather not talk about it and I want them to forget that even happened. I know I want to forget about it.

"Vanessa you can't be serious" Anna pushes.

Ever since the accident Anna has been a real stickler for my mental health. She is always checking on me and making sure I'm okay, which I appreciate. But some things I just don't tell people about. My drinking being one of them.

Caroline doesn't push me if I don't want to talk about something which is why she has been silently eating her cereal. Anna on the other hand won't stop until I give her answers, which unfortunately for her, she won't be getting. I love her, which is why my drinking problem isn't something I'm about to burden her with. I have to deal with it on my own, it isn't anything she can do about it. It's my problem and for the time being I don't want it to be fixed.

"Anna, nothing happened last night just forget it" I reply calmly taking my oatmeal out of the microwave. I put a little bit of vanilla extract in it and then grab some blueberries and begin eating my breakfast.

"Well let me jog your memory then. You came home piss drunk last night after seeing Mason and then you fought with him outside after drinking some more. Any of that sound familiar to you?" she looks at me sternly.