Fix Me

chapter twenty two

I rush into the hospital and ask the nurse at the front desk for the room number Mason is in.

She tells me the number and I quickly thank her and head off to look for it. I really hate that I missed the first half of his appointment, especially because I know he really needs me with him and I told him I would be there for him throughout this entire thing. I know technically it's not my fault because I had class...but it still doesn't make me feel any less guilty.

I finally find the room and knock on the door before entering it. When I close the door behind me I turn around to see him lying flat on the bed and hooked up to an EKG machine. He looks over at me and I give him a small smile. The nurse monitors him for a few more minutes before he flicks the light back on and tells Mason that he can sit up.

"Okay that's it for today and I believe you have your final round of tests next week on Wednesday" he says removing the cords that are attached to the stickers on Mason's chest.

Mason just nods his head not seeming to care much about what the nurse is telling him. I thank the nurse as he walks out and then immediately go over to Mason who is sat up on the bed peeling the white stickers off his chest.

I help him peel off the last sticker and then throw them in the trash can that is sitting on the ground next to my feet.

"How are you feeling?" I ask delicately pushing his hair back off his forehead. He wraps his arms around my waist while shrugging his broad shoulders.

"M'fine" he mumbles.

I nod my head even though I don't believe him. He snakes his hands around to my ass and squeezes it as he pulls me closer to him. I give him a kiss but I don't expect it to turn into a full make out session.

He kisses me hungrily and I kiss him back not being able to resist him. I don't have much self control when it comes to Mason, I never really have. It takes all my willpower for me to break the kiss and even then I think about just forgetting my morals to kiss him again.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this in here again?" I ask with my fingers still dancing lightly in his hair.

He smirks leaning forward into my neck to place kisses all over my skin.

"I'll lock the door this time" he mumbles using his mouth to distract me from my previous mission which was to get him to talk to me about how he's feeling about all of this.

I lean my head back, instinctively allowing him more access to my neck. But as soon as he attempts to lift me up I snap out of the daze that he created in my mind and plant my feet to the ground. I place my hands on the sides of his neck and lift his head to give him a gentle kiss.

"Mason," I whisper making him look up at me. His grey eyes shining with the emotion he refuses to let out. "it's okay to not go through with this if you don't want to"

He sighs deeply and rests his head on my shoulder holding me tight against his body. I delicately run my fingers through his hair doing my best to soothe him.

I know he's fighting his emotions, he does it all the time. Or he used to, not so much now. He's actually been pretty open with me and I'm really proud of him for it. Still, there is something he isn't telling me right now. I won't force him to say anything but I just want him to know that it's okay too.

"It's hard to do something this...big, for someone I don't care about" Mason finally says. He lifts his head up to look at me.

I continue running my fingers through his hair and listening to him intently.

"I just can't stop feeling like I'm betraying myself" he mumbles.

My heart clenches at his words but I try my best to stuff my emotions inside or I might cry which is something I'm not interested in doing. I place my hands on his neck and rub it lightly in an attempt to soothe him and even myself a little. Touching him always makes me feel better.