Fix Me

chapter forty two

Waking up from last night has me wanting to sleep forever. 

Everything hurts. Everything is sore. And I don't even want to lift the covers off to see what I look like right now.

I groan when I try to move even an inch, but I feel an immense need to cling onto Mason for the next few days.

I wasn't expecting Mason to figure out my secret and I definitely didn't know he was testing me this whole trip. Granted he handled it better than I thought he would, and I got a night of the best sex of my life out of it, but a big part of me still feels really insecure about the whole situation.

Doing that to Mason four years ago was one of my lowest points. I shouldn't have done it, and I've never once excused my actions. I know it was wrong, and that's why I've always blamed myself for what happened. I could never truly be mad at him for something that I did.

Ignoring the soreness that runs through me from my head to my toes, I climb onto Masons naked body. I lay down on top of him, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his chest.

Mason releases a deep breath and rubs his hands up and down my sides before they settle on my ass, of which is also very sore from said hands.

I feel him turn his head to the side, probably checking what time it is on his alarm clock.

"Go back to sleep baby" he sighs while softly rubbing his hands over my body. "It's too early for us to be up"

"I can't" I snuggle closer to him.

"Why not?" he kisses my forehead lightly.

I swallow hard before whispering. "Do you still love me?"

I think the question will always plague me. No matter how many times he reassures me, because of what I did, I still fear that he doesn't or that one day he'll just stop. I know that he's forgiven me, but I haven't forgiven myself. I'm not sure when that will happen.

"I've never stopped loving you Vanessa" he replies softly. "Not for a single second"

I let his words soothe me, for now at least.

"I'm sorry for what I did" I whisper. "I haven't forgiven myself for it"

"There isn't anything for you to apologize for. I don't feel any differently towards you" he rubs my back.

"You're not even upset with me?" I ask in disbelief. How can he not even be upset?

"Look at me" he demands softly. I look up and into his grey eyes. "I am not upset with you, and I don't hate you. I love you and will continue to love you more and more everyday no matter what. We are in this forever, do you understand? You are mine and I'm yours. We don't let each other go again. This-" he motions between us. "is for the rest of our lives"

My body relaxes so much from his words, I can feel sleep enclosing over me again.

"You and me forever" I nod in agreement, because forever is the most amount of time you can get with a person.

"That's right" Mason kisses my lips softly.

"Do you mind if I cling to you for a few days?" I ask. "Like spider monkey level of cling"

He chuckles. "You can do it for the rest of our lives if you want"

I smile against his chest, closing my eyes. "I love you Mason"

"I love you" he replies just as I drift back to sleep.

*****

"Can you brush my hair?" I call to Mason from the bathroom. "My arms hurt"