Stuck in Time (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 23 - Louis

Louis had been feeling this way since they had arrived in London. Anything he would do was making him more tired every time, he couldn’t even jog on the field with the kids without being out of breath and dizzy, couldn’t keep up with Harry all the time, couldn’t stand too much anxiety... He knew the car accident would have left some sort of damage, and he had never been this scared his whole life.

Louis had grown up knowing there was a risk of him having a fatal heart attack one day. He had what they called a Coronary Heart Disease or CHD where a waxy substance called plaque builds up inside the coronary arteries, which supply oxygen-rich blood to your heart muscle. Although it’s something that develops over the years and is not fatal per se, if too stimulated by a shock or stress or even too much fatigue, it can lead to heart failure.

He had never told Harry that though. He didn’t want him to worry about him, to think whatever he’d do wrong would cause Louis a heart attack. He knew Harry would blame himself and no matter how hard it was to not share that with him, he thought he was just protecting him, thinking it would never get that bad anyway.

The first time he felt dizzy and thought his heartbeat was unusual was when Eleanor came in to ruin everything. He had been doing well, kept his stress and fatigue to a minimum, trying not to fight Harry for little things and not think too much about his dad’s behaviour. But when Eleanor told him the only person who made him feel safe could be lying to him, he felt his heart drop. He could barely see properly, his sight was getting blurry. It had taken him a few seconds to recover and he was glad he did, thinking it was just the news that had made him feel that way.

After that, he pretty much felt it all the time. He felt it when he saw the scars on Harry’s arms,  he felt it when he was told Eleanor had taken everything. He couldn’t bear the idea of not being able to cater to Harry’s needs. Even though he’s never thought he had to take care of him financially, he did want them to have everything and not having it was a massive trigger. He  even felt it whenever they had sex to roughly. He could never tell Harry to slow down but he would always need a few hours to recover. He’s always wondered if Harry noticed how fast his heartbeat went whenever he pressed his back against his chest, if he could feel it weaken and lose oxygen. But he couldn’t tell him, no, because it wasn’t that bad.

After he got fired and had to spend more time home, he was relieved, it meant resting and taking care of himself. During that time he went to see a doctor. But the latter didn’t bring him the news he would have expected. He’d told him to not push it, to not get into too much stress, to not get too stimulated, to not eat too much junk food bla bla bla…But Louis didn’t listen. He wouldn’t let it affect him, or Harry. He didn’t deserve to have him be that careful for him. He was so happy for him, seeing that he was experiencing things, making mistakes, growing up. But at the same time, he couldn’t take the constant anxiety that went with it. He didn’t want Harry to get hurt or anything.

He thought it had gotten better when his parents visited him. He was happier than ever, was reunited with the ones he loved, his dad finally accepting who he was…But when Harry told him about cheating, he couldn’t take it so much. It wasn’t because of Harry. It wasn’t because he had cheated. It was just because he felt like they were growing apart. And he was contributing to it as well by not talking to him. So when Harry finally confessed everything, even though he should have felt better, he felt worse, knowing he would never be able to tell him everything.

When they got home to Doncaster, he found his happiness again. They were going to have a baby and he was going to make money again. He thought he could do it, that everything would be okay again, so he didn’t need to tell him. However, he would go home more tired every single day after work. The days were exhausting, he couldn’t even see the right numbers and Zayn always had to repeat things to him. He had to deal with Eleanor’s case, benefit the company, be in charge of the workforce….It was just too much.