Addicted to You

The Struggle to Speak

You were laying on the couch of the jet. Staring at the floor. Your mind was blank and your body was numb. Your doctor said you were psychically okay but emotionally... it was best that you reached out for help. But you didn't want anything. Sometimes you thought it was better if he had just killed you. So you wouldn't feel the ache in your heart.

You remembered watching the look on Claire's fiancés face as you were rolled out of that garage. You were hooked up to oxygen and she was in a body bag. You did that to him. Because you were useless.

You watched JJ walk over to you and crouched down to meet your eyes. "I got you some hot chocolate"

You lifted the blanket from your waist and brought it over your head. You didn't want to ignore her but you couldn't do it. Your body wouldn't let you move your lips. You felt too exhausted for it. Instead you closed your eyes. But regretted it instantly. All you saw was Claire. With her lifeless body staring at you.

You began to hear the conversation happening near you. You heard Spencer's voice

"I'll take her home"

"She's not talking, she hasn't talked since she left the hospital" you felt JJ's presence leave you and she joined their conversation

"She doesn't have to talk, I just want to make sure she gets home safely"

"You are a good friend Reid" it was Emily's voice now "Do you think her pain will ever go away"

"I think it will take time" Now it was Hotch's voice

"I mean what she saw, can anyone really get over that" JJ's voice meant well but you didn't want them talking about you

"Let's not talk about this here" it was like Spencer read your mind. He was a good man.

...

Spencer opened the door for you and you entered your apartment. The door slipped behind him and it slammed shut causing you to flinch.

"I'm so sorry" Spencer reached for you but he quickly stopped himself. You felt filthy. Like he didn't want to touch you anymore because you were now broken.

You just stood still. In silence. You didn't want to move.

"Come on I'll run you a bath" he quickly removed his coat and shoes and sprinted towards your bathroom

You slowly removed your coat and hung it on the hanger. You looked down at your wrists. They were discolored and bruised. Your eyes could still see the cuffs holding them together. Preventing you from being able to do anything. You decided to kick off your shoes and socks and another reminder was there again. The bruising left from the chain connected to the wall. Preventing you from moving towards Claire to help her.

You slowly made it over to your bathroom where Spencer stood. Checking the temperature of the water. But you didn't bother acknowledging his presence. You were standing in front of your mirror and you saw the hand prints around your throat. There were even small crescent moon shaped from his nails. You slowly unbuttoned your shirt and began revealing the cuts across your collarbone and chest. Once you reached the bottom button you saw the large bruises from his kicks. And the one diagonal gash that rested above your belly button.

You slowly unbuttoned your pants and dropped them to the floor. The mirror didn't reveal anything from the waist down but when you looked down to step out of your pants you saw your knees. Bruised and scabbed from being forced onto the floor and trying to drag yourself closer to Claire. You looked back up at your face. There was a bruise sitting on your cheek and a cut below your eye. You felt disgusting. By the time you were done you looked at Spencer through the mirror.