Confidence Not Found (DNF)

Talking

Clay looked up at Nick's doorway, not wanting to talk to Nick at all. What if he thinks of me differently? I mean he already knows my other issues so why should I care so much? With that he took a deep breath in letting the brisk air fill is lungs, letting it out slowly he knocked.

"Hello, Clay! You had me worried again!" Nick stepped closer to wrap his arms around his taller friend. Clay simply hugged back and felt the warm comfort take over. Since it was just a friendly hug, Nick ended it but took notice of Clay's saddened features. "Come on, lets head inside before it starts pouring out." He gestured to Clay to walk inside as he looked passed his blonde friend towards the growing storm. Clay inhaled and entered the warm house.

Nick's place was always very nice and tidy, probably because his mom stayed at home while his dad worked. Nick has the perfect family, no wonder he's so chill, Clay thought to himself as he walked through the hallway. He looked into the kitchen, where Nick's mom was preparing supper. She waved and smiled, and Clay returned, but his smile wasn't genuine like normal. Nick grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs and towards his room.

It was quite a large change, going from a pristine and clean house to a room which was littered with clothing, backpacks, computer parts and more. Though it was slightly tidied with everything pushed to the side or in boxes.

Clay took a seat on Nick's bed as he watched his friend take his seat in a gaming chair which sat by a very cluttered desk. "So, what's up with you Clay?" His voice showed true concern, waiting for an answer Nick fiddled with an eraser which used to sit on a pile of paper.

"Nothing much." Clay finally responded.

"That's such a lie and you know it." Nick tried to glare at Clay but was unable to connect their eyes. "Tell me the truth." Clay brought his knees up to his chest, unaware of how he looked like a child which was crying in a corner.

"Well, I-I don't really know. I g-guess you could say I feel out of control." Clay rambled, "Like I'm under so much pressure that my body has given up?" he questioned himself.

"That's not good, Clay. Can you tell me why?" At this Clay shook his head no. Nick sighed, not being able to help his friend made him feel guilty. He had it pretty easy in life with a nice family that was chill. All it took was good grades and sports to make his family happy. This kept his life pretty simple if you couldn't tell. Clay on the other hand, had parents that expected only the highest out of him. He needed good grades, to get a good job, to then support a family after college. They never really took what he wanted seriously other than football. Even that he felt pressured by, due to the fact it would give him a scholarship in the future.

"Clay?" Nick broke the tension that was thick enough to cut a knife through.

"Yes?" Clay paused at his friend's sudden change of mood. Nick went from serious to curious really quick on him.

"Do you like that brunette you stood by? I noticed as I passed you in the halls. You don't have to tell me right now. I just don't want you to add onto the already outrageous pressure you have on yourself." Nick rambled obviously a little shocked by what he had said. Nick had yet to know that his friend was secretly gay.

Clay was also a little shocked, his face turned to a deep shade of pink almost immediately. Do I have feelings for the short brit? He was too flustered by the thought, but he couldn't keep anything more to himself.

(Small TW// Anxiety attack)

"I don't know.  I don't even know his name. I don't fucking know why I do. I just don't know." Clay felt his eyes burn and water, but he didn't feel like having a panic attack right then and there, so he just started to take deeper breaths hoping to calm himself.