Confidence Not Found (DNF)

Too good to be true

((Slight TW: this chapter mentions self hate, bad eating habits, and suicidal threats. I'll put the TW before certain parts of the chapter))

The rest of the school week passed slowly, the winter weather coming along as snow now dusted the ground early Friday morning. Clay hated the cold, it made him feel emptier than he already felt.

((TW: bad eating and coping habits))

He hadn't been eating much, skipping breakfast, lunch, and picking at his dinner when with his parents. Clay also stayed quiet even if he could feel George's concerned eyes boring into his soul at school. He felt awful for not telling George anything that had happened with Simon. He did get what he wanted, he got George's phone back and he finally overpowered Simon. His comment shouldn't have affected me. He thought while driving to school, that morning.

With his sudden change of eating habits and ignoring his boyfriend's concerns, he also separated himself from his friends. Nick would come up to him, knowing exactly what Clay was doing, but Clay would say all was okay and that there was nothing to worry about. He thought about this while driving, wondering if he should finally talk to someone. It took him the whole drive to decide not to.

Clay entered the school, taking in all the students which littered the halls. In reality, no one was looking at him but to Clay, everyone had their eyes on him. Judging him inside and out. They can see I'm not myself. My hair must look terrible. The dark circles under my eyes prove I haven't slept much. He looked at his clothes, which were pretty average for him. A grey hoodie, blue jeans, and some simple shoes. They hate how I dress, I'm sure. How am I supposed to be perfect if everyone notices every mistake, I carry with myself?

((TW over))
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George was standing by his locker, putting some things away also grabbing some things out of it. He was awfully cold from the recent snow, even while wearing Clay's green sweater he felt the goosebumps cover his arms. When he swung his backpack around one of his shoulders, he spotted Clay. Clay definitely didn't look like himself at all today. He had dark circles around his eyes, his skin was paler than any other day that week, and his smile (real or not) was no longer on his face.

George put on a warm smile and rushed over to the tired blonde. "Hey, Clay!" he said in a cheery voice, hoping Clay would be happier today. Clay didn't return with a smile or a cheery voice, instead his straight face continued, and a raspy morning voice replied.

"Hey." Clay stumbled over and George grasped his hand. George wanted to keep eye contact with the yellow-toned eyes, but they had returned to their intimidating gaze. He kept his eyes on their hands which slightly swung back and forth as they walked.

They walked to the commons and took a seat with the other's, silently listening to Alex, Karl, and Nick joke around about being Husbands, calling each other sexy and handsome then breaking into loud laughter. Clay kept quiet, like he had been ever since Monday. George needed to know what was happening.

"Do you just want to skip school today?" George brought up the idea like it was nothing. Clay could hear his worried tone but ignored it and focused on why George wanted to skip school in the first place.

"What? Why? What about homework and such?!" Clay spoke in panic. He didn't want more people judge him or worry about him. Including teachers.

"I don't know. I guess I just want to go out and have fun." George tried convincing Clay, but he just raised an eyebrow at George. "What? Am I not allowed to take a break every once in a while?" George questioned with a joking tone.

"No, if you need a break then go take a break." Clay sighed; he didn't quite realize but his tone of voice had a tint of annoyance in it. George heard it, looked up at the clock which showed they had about ten minutes to do whatever, then he grabbed Clay's hand and began walking out the school. Clay tried to pull away, "George, did you not get the hint?" He said purposely with anger.