Crown of a Prince (Finn Shelby)

76.

Finn was still working in his office when Ailbhe went looking for him that night. Tommy had walked her as far as her door on Watery Lane but she had other ideas. So, once Tommy had disappeared into the darkness and his warnings about staying safe and staying vigilant stopped ringing in her ears, she headed for the betting shop. All the other lights were off letting her know that everyone else had gone home but the light at the end of the hall was still glowing. It was almost midnight, but he was still there.
 
“Hey” she called out, his head lifting immediately out of the papers he had stacked on his desk. His confused and bewildered expression didn’t fade completely when he saw her as it usually did.
 
“Hey” he grumbled back, throwing his pen down on the desk and throwing himself back in his chair, sulking and running his hands over his head in frustration.
 
“What’s the matter?” She asked, approaching him and taking the seat in front of his desk so she was sitting opposite him.
 
His sour expression and the full ash tray beside him did little to explain his foul mood but the papers in front of him did. They were forms for the betting pitches, applications and confirmation letters that made sure the Shelby Company Ltd betting shop was all legal and above board. Since John had died, Finn was named head bookmaker, but the paperwork and the administration side of things were never his strong point.
 
“Nothing” he muttered, shoving the papers aside and standing up to get a drink.
 
He poured her one too, putting it down in front of her before he sat back down across from her and stared into the bottom of his glass instead of at her.
 
She didn’t particularly like this side of Finn, the brooding and the sulking where he was cool and distant because he believed that he was an island that couldn’t accept help.
 
“How did your meeting with McCavern go?” he asked, clearly wanting to talk about anything but his own problems and Ailbhe would indulge him, even if only for a minute.
 
“Fine… He’s taking ten sacks to test the water. Mosley will sign a cheque guarantee and we’ll have a definitive link between them” She told him, trying to catch his eye but he didn’t look back.
 
He stared down at the pages in front of him that were the cause of his impatience and frustration.
 
“He’s a pig though” she muttered, taking a sip and realising Finn had thankfully added ginger ale. The other boys liked to drink it straight and always forgot to add it for Ailbhe.
 
With this statement, Finn did look at her. His eyes weren’t soft and loving like they had been earlier with her, when they laughed and held onto each other. All soft skin and spontaneous kisses, happy sighs and easy laughter. It wasn’t like that now; in the matter of a few hours it had changed again. But Ailbhe knew this was the deal. Shelby men were as unpredictable as the weather and Ailbhe had learnt to navigate it in all her years being Finn’s best friend and whatever she could call herself now. She could get him past it, she just needed a few minutes.
 
“What did he say to you?” Finn asked, needing to know what McCavern had said to her and whether Finn should take his eyes or his hands first.
 
She laughed lightly, rolling her eyes at the memory of what McCavern had said to her since they met, none of it was funny but none of it bothered Ailbhe. She had heard a lot worse said about her.
 
“I’m Irish tinker Catholic scum apparently Finn” She scoffed, taking another sip and seeing how Finn’s eyes narrowed.
 
He knew she didn’t give a shit what anyone called her but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
 
“And I’m a woman” she added bitterly, drinking down the rest of her whiskey quicker than Finn had anticipated.
 
“What’s that mean?” He asked her, knowing that she wasn’t laughing at the last part. Something seemed colder about her for a moment as she looked down into her glass before putting it back on the table and looking back at him.
 
“Nothing” she replied quickly, it wasn’t easy to explain, nor did she feel like explaining it.
 
Lizzie and Polly understood. The men didn’t. It was the look men gave them when they would be both impressed that they were intelligent and still had the desire to shut them up by bending them over a desk. It was how no one could fathom why Tommy would bring Ailbhe as his advisor, or Ada or Polly. It was the world they lived in, but she didn’t have to like it.
 
“I’m gonna have to buy a mouth guard soon if I’m going to keep having meetings with McCavern and Mosley. I keep biting my tongue to stop myself from saying things and soon I’m going to be end up biting it off”
 
 She sighed, leaning forward and accepting the cigarette he held out to her. She was glad to see Finn almost smirk, almost laugh at her. She would crack him sooner rather than later.
 
“What’s all this?” She asked, passing back the cigarette and standing up, moving around to his side of the desk so she could stand beside him and see what was bothering him so much.
 
She skimmed through them, looking at the mess he had made of all the different documents but they just needed to be filled out, proof read and signed.
 
“Nothing” he muttered, finishing his whiskey and looking away from her. But she didn’t need to know him as well as she did to know he was lying.
 
“Finn” she grabbed his attention, tilting his chair towards her and making him look at her.
 
“It’s these fucking papers... I can’t understand half of what they’re saying and I don’t know what the other half want from me” He muttered, quietly but she still heard him.
 
He avoided her eyes, looking down at the papers that were baffling him. He didn’t want to ask for help. He was embarrassed about how long it was taking him, how hard he found it. He could read and write, of course he could. But these contracts and forms were next level, they used words Finn had never seen written down and spoke about things he had never considered. He ran the race tracks, he knew horses and numbers, jockeys and odds. He didn’t know this. And he felt so dumb he didn’t want anyone to know, especially not Ailbhe who seemed to be the smartest person in Small heath apart from Tommy.
 
“Let me help Finn” She whispered, not wanting to be patronising or to vex him but genuinely wanting to help. She stepped behind him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her chin on his shoulder. The way his head fell back on her shoulder and his hands gripped her arms she could feel him starting to relax.
 
“Alright” he conceded, so grateful he wanted to kiss her. And he would.
 
 He tugged her back around to the side of his chair. His hand instinctively reached out towards her, resting on her hip and gripping onto her like she was what kept him steady. Whatever it was about her, he could feel himself loosening up. She looked at him so sincerely, so softly that it was hard to believe people thought she was frightening. He tugged her down onto his lap, feeling her warm body settle in against hers as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he hugged against her middle, her cheek against his.
 
She leaned forward, picking up his pen and starting to fill out the forms. She paused every few seconds to ask him questions, all of which he knew the answers to but just couldn’t articulate himself in the correct way to write it down. He had left school too early to understand it all and while the Shelby Company Ltd had given him an excellent learning experience, none of it included spelling and grammar.
 
It was perfect. She didn’t make him feel dumb for not understanding the questions but simply reworded them in a way he would understand, without all the jargon. She sat across his lap, the smell of her perfume and whiskey in the air as she wrote for him and put everything he said into proper words.
 
He loved her so much in that moment, in such a soft and pure way that he didn’t think he was capable of. Earlier he had loved her in a physical and almost primal way, like they belonged to each other body and soul. Then afterwards, when they sat at his desk wrapped around each other it felt so light and happy, so utterly carefree he felt almost giddy. But in that moment, with her explaining everything to him in words he understood while he just watched her and couldn’t stop himself from being almost in awe of her, of wanting to cling onto her and never let her go. It felt so soft, so gentle, something Finn didn’t think he had in him.
 
 
“How can you do all this?” He asked her eventually as she handed him the pen to sign his name on the forms so they could finish up.
 
She looked back at him, resting her arm around his shoulder and relishing how he pulled her in tighter with his free arm. It was starting to almost annoy her that he was getting more and more handsome every day, it was hard to get anything done when he looked like that.
 
“London helped, I took a lot of classes and did some night courses...” She admitted.
 
London had been lonely when she first arrived. She had been sick of Birmingham, tired of the pity and the sympathy about her mother and she felt so lonely she wanted to scream. She was only sixteen and she realised that her life was extremely empty without Finn and the Shelby’s. John and Arthur moved out to the country, Niall moved into his own flat above a pub, Ada left for Boston and Polly just went off the rails.
 
“Do you ever think we just got lucky?” He asked her, still looking down at the papers but a look of deep thought on his face.
 
She leaned in, resting her forehead against the side of his head and deeply inhaling. She would never understand what it was about Finn Shelby that made her life bearable and worth it all. But she did understand she didn’t want to give it up, no matter the cost.
 
“No” She whispered, having thought about it for a moment “We make our own choices and this life was our choice... we deserve it”
 
She wasn’t sure how else to phrase it but they deserved everything they got, whether it be good or bad. People got what they deserved when they took it for themselves, and this life was theirs so long as they wanted it. Ailbhe knew that. She wasn’t born to be normal and a good little wife. She couldn’t be that, she never wanted it. This, power and influence, money and business, it was her life and she didn’t want it to change.
 
And then there was the best part of that life. Having Finn, someone who was up there with her, who loved her and wanted their life to be theirs always.
 
“So, we deserve each other?” He asked her, a glint of humour in his eyes as he pushed out the end of his cigarette and wrapped both arms around her middle. There it was, the side of Finn she wanted back. She knew she could get it out of him.
 
“Most of the time” She replied, not waiting for a response before leaning in and stealing a kiss. His hand flew to the back of her head, holding her against his lips before she could get away from him.
 
He wanted to delay the inevitable goodbye when he walked her home to her door. Niall and Liam were home and therefore would expect Ailbhe to sleep in her own bed, alone. They bent the rules regularly and more frequently than they wanted to ever have to admit to but they tried not to push their luck. The following evening was Lizzie’s birthday and Lizzie had invited them all to stay the night therefore Ailbhe was sure that Finn would creep along the corridors to find her room like the last time.
 
The idea of a night including Mosley filled her with dread and she didn’t want to think about having to have another conversation with him, nor what he would say in front of Finn. She just hoped she wouldn’t have many dealings with him, but she knew it was just hoping, it wouldn’t come true.