Her First Bite

Thirty Five | Apple

Remember the time when I said that I was in the process getting over Vance for some past weeks? Remember when I had said that I was obsessing about work and not him? Remember when I said, a couple days ago, that nothing else in life mattered because I didn't have Vance by my side?

I was a lying piece-of-shit.

But, I didn't realize it at first.

I was - some say - a drama queen. Life did mattered. A lot of things in life mattered. My parents mattered, my friends mattered, me working in an amazing cafe and having my dream job being in my reach mattered.

I - once again state - that I hadn't realized it at first. I was too caught up in 'love' (Ew). I was too caught up in my one dimensional feelings. Too caught up with a man that didn't even want a relationship with me. Too caught up in a fantasy world that was living inside my head. I had forgotten about my 'other life.' I had forgotten about what life could offer. I had forgotten all about my goals. I had forgotten that my graduation was one week away.

I was going to be a fucking chef.

Had I been so blinded by whatever shit Vance was throwing my way, that I had forgotten about that big milestone? It was actually ridiculous. It was funny. It was pure comedy because that exact thing happened.

Epiphany - That was the exact word that perfectly described how I was feeling when I woke up this morning. It was like a light switch flipped up.

Why should I be wasting my time crying in bed over a man that wanted nothing to do with me? - Which I had been doing before - Why would I spend my days overanalyzing every single thing that man said and replaying every single scene, in my head, with a man that wanted nothing to do with me?

Call the reporters. Call the journalists. Call fucking Jesus Christ himself. - I was having a fucking awakening.

Vance was just one person, during my long journey of life, that was just here to teach me a lesson. Teach me a lesson about falling in love with dumbass men? Teach me a lesson about heartbreak? Teach a lesson about cooking?

Yes, yup, and yeah.

And I was fine with it. I was going to become fine with it. I had a lot of life to live - cough. My heart would patch up with some time - I may need a lot of time - but I was going to get over him, this time for real. I was going to really try. I was going to move on with my life.

Moving on meant forgiving. I was going to forgive Vance for all that shit - would take me some time, but I needed to remember it wasn't good to harbor all of it around anyway. What good would that do me? He said he didn't want anything to do with me, made it very clear, so I needed to move on and forget him.

Could I actually?

I'll try. I'll really try. Erin being his damn sister and living with me was going to mess me up with the forgetting him plan, but I was going to try.

Try was the word for today.

No wait, it needed to be something greater than try. A will, a push, a- commitment.

I was committed to forgetting him. I was committed to getting over him. I was committed to moving on - committed to being with the people who actually loved me; my friends and family. Committed to being a hundred and ten percent focused on my job. Committed to enjoying life and to stop obsessing over one man.

Turning over a new leaf.

Turning a new page.

Taking the bloody pad off and inserting a tampon right up inside my vagina.