Just Kissing

E P I L O G U E

Song: Love me or leave me - Little Mix

........................................

Hailey

Only the spring breeze and fawn in the field shattered the silence. A calming silence that only made his actions more loud: his steps, his shuffling, the sharp slam of the back of his truck being shut... Each one was like a new nail into my heart as I could only stand on the porch, watching him move.

Not a word was spoken.

He was leaving and there was nothing I could do to make him stay. He had no reason strong enough not to go.

Not even me.

Everything happened in the past months, every kiss, every feeling... was this really the end of it all?

My heart couldn't bear the answer of such a horrible realization. Little naive me had fooled herself thinking this was forever, we were meant to be and we would be like those couples from novels that  mated once and for life. Wouldn't this be a beautiful picture?

Yeah, we fight at times, and we didn't always see eye to eye; but we see heart to heart. Or that's what I'd thought. We had our disagreements, but that made us more complete, that made us more real and we find a middle term.

But no. I'd been kidding myself, gaslighting the reality. Nate said it from the beginning, he didn't want something serious. This was never meant to last.

I watched as he packed the last bag, my stomach a horrible knot that tightened as he neared Letty's door.

This is the end.

He is leaving.

He

Is

Leaving.

I tried moistening my dry lips, but it was useless. "Would you let me know when you get there?"

"I..." Nate hesitated for a second, his voice hoarse and he cleared his throat trying to soothe it uselessly. "Hailey I think it's better if we put distance between us too. I really need to do this on my own."

On his own as in vanishing me from his life. Like I'd never existed. Not only we won't see each other and the long-distance thing was completely off the board, he didn't even want to keep in touch as friends. Erased me completely from his immediate life. I would be reduced to far memory that would eventually fade away as well.

Because he's leaving.

He stepped opening the door, but halted for a moment before entering. My heart spluttered in hope, watching him battling himself, all his muscles stiff. But then he spoke again without even glancing at me.

"Please, don't call me-"

"I love you." I blurted out, uselessly, tho; as I could practically feel physically how he was detaching from me, slipping through my fingers, further with each heartbeat.

His shoulders tensed for a second, making me hold my breath as he deepened his; and that stiffening didn't go away even when he responded, still not turning around. "I didn't ask you to."

Everything in me shut down, cold spreading torturous and slow through my veins, struggling to process it all. Nate sent me one last glance, furtive and fleeting, as if he didn't dare to stay there any longer and quickly got in the car, slamming the door after himself and turning on the engine.

I just sat there, watching the fading truck disappearing on the road in a cloud of smoke, unable to believe the words we've just shared. A weight heavy on my chest making it harder to breathe, because maybe that's what all this was indeed: me pushing things too far.

I tried to force feeling in something that was never meant to have them. I pushed the limits of a just kissing deal that was overwhelming and never meant for me to follow through. And now all that was left were my pieces to pick up. 

TO BE CONTINUED . . .