Brotherly Love

32. Dear Mother

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Third Person

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"every girl needs a mother, and damnit I needed you."

~kehlani

Dear Mother,

I miss you.

Though I don't know if I actually miss you or what we could've been. I'll see girls being best friends with their mother, hear the stories where they tell them about the boy they like and then I just start to wonder where we went wrong.

Was it me?

I know we had good times - great times - but we also had bad times, and the bad times really hurt.

I want you to know that I'll always love you, if I'm being honest I never stopped and I don't think I'll ever stop.

But what did I do to you? Did I ruin you that much? Am I really that much of an inconvenience?

I'm tired, I'm so tired. I wanted you to see that I was trying, I was trying so hard but you didn't notice because all you saw were my mistakes. And the worst part is that I could never tell you this because it would hurt me more to know that I hurt you, and I know it would hurt you to know this is how you made me feel. That's why I'll just walk around with all these feelings it never tell you, I'm protecting both of us.

I don't want what's left of our 'relationship' to fall into an utter destruction, I don't want to be the catalyst to our ruination.

But sometimes you make me cry.

I love you, but sometimes you hurt me the most in this world. It hurts. I know you don't mean it, it's just how you were raised. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, too overdramatic. And it's not exactly like I'm the easiest person to put up with.

I wonder if I've ever hurt you, if you've ever cried because of me. If you have I'm sorry.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix this, how to fix us.

This letter doesn't really have a purpose, it's more of a way for you to know how I feel, for me to get everything out without having to see you.

Maybe I just don't understand you.

I don't want to write this anymore, it feels stupid, I feel ungrateful.

But it's so draining pretending that I'm okay with it all when I'm not. You know I told Donatello about you, I cried to him about you. It wasn't supposed to be like that, I'm supposed to cry in your arms when someone else hurts me it's not supposed to be this way.

It's not.

Why couldn't you just understand me, why couldn't you just be there for me when I needed you. I still need you and I can't even talk to you. I don't even know where you are. I don't even know if you're okay. I hope you got the help you need.

Please know I love you but for now I have to let you go.

You're not my favourite person anymore and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I know it's selfish but I want to be happy and I can be, but to do that I need to let you go. It's the only way I'll be able to let go of that pain.

I need to let you go.

I'll miss you.

But this isn't forever, we might find each other when we've both healed. But we're not good for each other right now, we'll only hurt each other more.

Please understand, please don't forget me I just need a little bit of time; please give me that.

I love you.

From Your Daughter (your daughter who's really trying).

* * *

Iris folded the letter, she put in a box along with all the things she had that reminded her of her mother. She was never going to send the letter but she needed to do something that would help her let go.

She wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape her eyes, she wasn't going to cry anymore she wanted to be happy.

Walking out of her room, still in her uniform, she went toward the music room. Her mind was full and it felt like it was about to explode.

She couldn't hold the capacity of her thoughts; overthinking was a curse.

Sitting on the bench she played and played, letting every last emotion melt into the keys.

"I love you," she spoke onto the silence.

She said it for her mother, she said it for Amalea and she said it for herself.

She knew one day she might see her mother again, though she didn't know what she'd say. She till had a lot of time to think about that though.

For now Dear mother, would just have to be enough.

- x -

: (

author's note: I know you might hate Iris's mother, what she did was horrible and Iris shouldn't have been put through that but please try and remember she was suffered too.