Graffiti Night

"You Start Tonight..."

It's like speaking in tongues. To all of you now. When will we ever (when will we ever) get what we deserve? -Mr. Highway's Thinking About The End, A Day To Remember

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I wake up screaming and crying. Mac sits up and wraps his arms around me immediately.
"Amber, Amber, shhhhh. It's okay. It was just a dream. You're safe." He says softly. I sniff and wipe my tears away. I grab a fistful of his shirt and hold it, trying to calm myself down. I look around Mac's dark room. The window is open and through it you can see the damp and dark street, dimly lit by street lights. It's storming. Lightning flashes across the sky, lighting up the room for a split second. A loud roll of thunder follows and I snuggle into Mac more. Mac holds me tighter. One thing I'm afraid of, is thunder and lightening. It freaks the shit out of me.
Mac lies back down with me still in his arms and starts stroking my hair. I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes.
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" He asks through the dark. I nod and take a deep shaky breath.
"It was me and Ryan. We were in the car and the headlights appeared again. We got smashed, but this time I wasn't unconscious. I was awake. I could see everything. And as the driver of the other car got out and ran to our car," my heart beats fast as though I was in the dream again, "it was you. You had smashed our car." I feel Mac's chest rise as he takes in a deep breath.
"You know I would never do that, right?"
"I know, but it was horrible."
"I know, I know. But you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you. No one. I promise you. Not your dad, not Dylan. No one. You're safe." I hug him tightly and drift back to sleep.

When I wake up in the morning, I feel Mac playing with my hair. His twirling it around his fingers. My eyes flutter open and I look up at him. He smiles at me.
"Morning sleepy head." He says.
"Morning. What's the time?" I yawn.
"12:53."
"Shit! We have school!" I go to get up but Mac holds me down.
"Since when have you ever wanted to go to school?" I don't reply. I don't have a reply. I guess it was just instinct. I relax.
"I don't know." I shrug. "How long have you been awake for?"
"Since 10:30."
"And you just lay there?"
"Well, I didn't want to wake you up. You have had a rough week and shit, so you know. Plus it was funny listening to your tiny snores and mumbles." He chuckles. I shake my head and smile.
"Shut up."
"How's your ankle feeling?" He asks.
"It's still sore. I think I slept on it funny." I reply.
"Do want to put some ice on it?"
"If it's no trouble." He gets up and I lose my only source of warmth. He runs down stairs and then comes back in half a minute with a ice pack. He wraps one of his t-shirts around it and places it gently in my ankle.
"It's looking less swollen." He says getting back under the covers and scooting next to me so I can rest my head in his chest again.
"Well that's good." I say, not really meaning it. It all just hit me again. I feel like shit. Everything has been fucked up. My whole life, tipped upside-down.
"You okay?" I hear Mac ask. I look up at him.
"Do you ever feel like dying? Like just getting a knife and stabbing yourself in the gut?"
"That's it. I'm removing every single sharp thing in this house." He states. I manage a half smile. He rubs my back.
"You didn't answer my question." I say.
"I used to. When I was really depressed. But then you helped me. So I'm here to do the same." A tear escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek onto his shirt. He wipes the trail away and caresses my cheek.
"Thank you." I manage to choke out. "It means a lot to know that I have at least one person to live for."
"You have so many more people to live for! Don't say that!"
"Name five." I say shortly.
"..."
"Exactly what I thought."
"C'mon. Amber, everybody goes through this sort of thing. Losing someone close to them. And everyone gets through it, so you need to do that too. Now if you self-harm, or kill yourself, I do that same. Got it? Your putting my life at risk." I nod. Goddamn it! He always does this. When I'm feeling depressed, he says that if I harm myself or try to kill myself, he's going to try it as well. He knows that I won't do it because I love him so much. I hate him!
"I hate you." I say quietly. He chuckles and sits up.
"C'mon. Let's get some breakfast. Mum and dad are at work." I nod and let him help me downstairs with my crutches. We gobble down breakfast and then head back up to his room. He turns on his stereo system and plugs in his phone.
"Which song?" He hands me his phone with all his songs on screen. I scroll through to the songs. I stop and click on Mr. Highway's Thinking About The End by A Day To Remember. The song comes through the speakers and I flop onto Mac's bed with his phone, looking through all his songs. As I'm scrolling through them a Kik notification comes up along the top. I read who it's from. Bridget.
I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I click on it. The whole conversation comes up. I read from the top of the page.
Two weeks ago
Bridget: Hey ;)
Mac: Hey
Bridget: You wanna do something naughty?
Mac: Depends on what it is...
Bridget: It's fun and adventurous... ;)
Mac: Explain
Media file
I click on it and a picture if Bridget in a push-up bra and lacy underwear. My eyes widen. I quickly click off it and continue reading their conversation.
Mac: Shit!
Bridget: Good, right? Come over... I need someone to help me...
Mac: I can't.
Bridget: :( Why not?
Mac: I'm meeting up with Amber
Bridget: Fuck her. You don't need her. You have me, I'll be your slave ;)
Mac: I'll be over in 5
Today
Bridget: Hey babe ;)
I lock his phone and sit up. That was the night me and him were supposed to go to a small gig at a pub. He stood me up. Didn't even tell me where he was going. The next day he sent a quick text saying his mum was throwing up and he wasn't sure if he was sick as well. I feel my heart shattering even more then it already is.
"Hey Mac?" I say. He looks up from his book.
"Yeah?"
"You know how you stood me up that night about two weeks ago?" He nods and frowns.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"You didn't tell me you went to Bridget's." I say, narrowing my eyes. He hesitates before answering.
"I didn't go to Bridget's. I told you, my mum was sick and throwing up and I wasn't sure if I had it and I didn't want to pass it on."
"Really. Because your phone is telling me something completely different." I say. He glared at me.
"You went through my phone?" He asks. I nod, father proud of myself.
"Yep, and to be honest, she really isn't worth your time. Oh, and those underwear she had on really weren't her size..." His glare narrows and he stops the music.
"You know what, the past is the past."
"Oh wow, nice quote. I wonder how many times you'll use that one on me before you start telling the truth." I sneer. He laughs coldly, but then stops and rubs the back of his neck.
"Can we please just not fight?" He asks, sitting on the bed. I sigh.
"I just have one question..." I say. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Don't be like that! You know exactly what I mean. Why'd you do it?" He hesitates. "The truth." I add. He squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds and then looks at me.
"I-I was confused. I didn't know what I felt at that moment. I liked you, but then Bridget has been in the back of my mind ever since we broke up." He rests his elbows on his knees, leaning forward, and then places his head in his hands. "She sent me that photo and it turned me on so fucking much and I just couldn't decide betwe-"
"Between seeing a band with your bestest friend that you've known since grade 3 or going to fuck a slut who hooked up with every single fucking guy in the school, including teachers, and you've only known for 2 years?! Yeah, extremely hard decision!"
"Look, Amber, I'm so so so sorry and I completely regret it now. I feel dirty and disgusting." He sighs. I chew the inside of my lip and nod.
"Fine." I say quietly. "I forgive you. But no more secrets. I wanna know everything that goes on with you. Please." I say. "And block and delete her from every social media app. I hate boys that stay friends with their ex's." He nods and I hand his phone to him. He blocks and deletes Bridget on every social media app he has and then locks his phone without hesitation. He flops onto his back. I grab his phone and put the music back on. Then I lye back down, resting my head on his chest. His arm wraps around me.
"I'm the worst best friend ever." He sighs.
"Nah. I still love ya." I kiss his cheek and hug him tightly. "Just promise to tell me everything. It's the only that keeps me thinking, your problems. Otherwise my brain would be dead." He chuckles and kisses the top of my head.
"Close your eyes and try to sleep. 'Kay creep?" He says. The last word makes my throat tighten. I feel like someone's strangling me. Wrapping their hands around my neck and slowly squeezing their hands tighter and tighter. I choke and gasp for air as tears flood my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. I close my eyes and try to calm down but all I see is the headlights, speeding towards me. I want to run and hide. I want to curl up and forget about the world. I want to die. I feel Mac sit up and his arms wrap around me. I hear him trying to calm me down. I feel him pull me into his lap and stroke my hair. I hear him singing. I hear myself screaming and sobbing.
"Breath. Breath. In... And out... Amber," I hear Mac say, "Amber everything is fine. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I just picked it up from your... I'm sorry. Just breath and try to calm down. Your safe. Nothing's going to happen." I breath in and out for a while, calming myself down and then I wipe my tears away. I look up at Mac. He still has me in his lap. He's still stroking my hair and he's still singing.
"I don't like it." I say, a tear trailing down my cheek.
"Neither do I." Mac replies. "I hate seeing you like this."
"Thank you for being here for me."
"It's okay. Anything for you." He smiles. I nuzzle my face into his chest and close my eyes.
"You know what?" I murmur sleepily.
"What?" He says softly.
"I really appreciate you blocking Bridget. It makes me feel better."
"As I said before, anything for you." I yawn and drift off.