Falling Apart...

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Worms come out of the woodwork. Leeches crawl from out of the dirt. Rats come out of the holes they call home, I fall apart.
And the snakes start to sing.
If you can't soar with the eagles, then don't fly with the flock. Are you still getting high?
Did you catch your own reflection, in the knife my mother held? Or the hell in my father's eyes?
If you can't soar with the eagles, then don't fly with the flock. Are you still getting by?
Was I your knight in shining armour? The apple of your eye? Or just a step to climb?- And The Snakes Start To Sing, Bring Me The Horizon
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The week goes by pretty quick and it's Saturday. The night of the party Dylan's holding.
Right now I was in the bathroom of Mac's room, looking in the mirror, trying to assure myself that everything is going to go as planned and that Dylan's not going to cheat on me. There's a knock on the door.
"Come in." I say. Mac opens the door and rests against the door frame.
"You ready?" He asks.
"Is it that time already?" I ask.
"Yep. C'mon." He holds out his hand and I take it. I take one last look at myself before he pulls me out of his room, down the stairs and out of the house.

We walk to Dylan's and as we stand at the font of the house, we can both hear the loud pumping techno music. My heart is beating so loud I swear Mac can hear it over the music.
This is the first party I've been to since I started high school. About 6 years ago. This is a big deal.
Mac releases my hand as we walk up the steps, but stays close to me. We knock on the door loudly and some random dude opens it. They have a beer in their hand and look wasted already. This might be a long night, I think. Mac walks in and I follow. We walk into Dylan's living room and it's so squished, I can barely move. I shuffle past people, apologising as I bump them, praying that no one notices how awkward I am. I look up, seeing where Mac is leading me, but I can't see him. Shit! I reach a corner of the room and observe everyone. They're all drinking and bobbing along to the music. I close my eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths, and when I open them, a guy is standing beside me exceptionally close. I can't shuffle over anymore because of the wall, so I'm stuck with this idiot standing next to me. He shoves a drink in my hand and smiles.
"I haven't seen you at any parties, I'm Josh." He shouts over the music. I give him a small smile and nod.
"I'm Amber." I reply, just as loud. "And I don't do parties."
"Then why are you at this one?"
"Dylan wanted me to come."
"Oh, you know Dylan." He says.
"Yeah, he's, uh, he's my boyfriend." I tell Josh. He nods.
"Ahhh, right. You're the girl he doesn't shut up about." Josh chuckles. I smile at that.
"He talks about me?"
"He doesn't stop! It's just Amber this, Amber that, I love her." I suppress a smile and chew the inside of my lip. "He's changed, you know. He used to be a real misogynist and he wasn't very appreciative of women. But I think you changed him all of a sudden. When you two had that fight and didn't see each other for half a week, it opened his eyes and he realised just how much he needed you." I nod.
"Well, I'm happy. Have you seen him?"
"I think he's in the kitchen. He's had a bit to drink already so just watch him." I smile and nod and find my way to the kitchen. When I walk in he's there sitting on a chair, a beer in his hands. He stands up when he sees me, a grin plastering itself to his face. He wraps me up in his arms and kisses the top of my head.
"How's my baby girl?" He asks. I smile and kiss his lips.
"Good." I take a sip from the bottle of beer Josh had pushed into my hand.
"Ahh, you've already found yourself a drink."
"Yep, and I've already met Josh. He told me some things about you." His eyes widen.
"Like what?"
"Like the fact that you don't stop talking about me." I say, suppressing my smile.
"That's because you're amazing." His arms wrap around my waist and he kisses me.
"Wooo! Dylan! Getting into it." A males voice laughs. I pull away from our kiss and blush. I look up at the guy who had just spoken. He has dirty blonde hair, grey blue eyes, tan skin and a killer smile, which he flashes me as Dylan does the weird handshake thing that guys do with each other.
"Matt!" Dylan exclaims. "Dude, how are you?"
"Good good, man. Who is this lovely lady?"
"Oh, Matt meet Amber, my girlfriend." Dylan introduces us. Matt smiles as he kisses my cheek. Dylan wraps an arm around my waist and glues me to his side protectively.
"I'm going to go find a drink." Matt says, walking away with a wink at me. Dylan releases me.
"I'm just going to check that everything is alright around the place." He says. I nod and watch him as he walks away. I walk the opposite way and back into the living room. I look over at the corner that I was originally standing in, hoping that I can return there, but a couple have occupied it and it looks like they're doing something nasty.
I roll my eyes in disgust and find a free seat at the bar in the huge living room.
"So, where's your Prince Charming?" A familiar voice asks beside me. I look and see Mac. He has one arm snaked around a girls waist and the other carries his beer. He looks drunk already.
"He's gone to check up on things." I say. "Mac, you're drink. Don't do anything stupid and don't drink anymore or you'll end up losing your v-card."
"And what makes you think I still have it?" He asks. I laugh and turn away from him. He walks onto the dance floor and starts dirty dancing with the brunette. I sit by myself and grab another beer. Tonight, I had one rule for myself, to not let any guy trick me. I'm probably going to break it, considering I'll get extremely wasted, but at least I've set it. As I drain the last drops from my second beer, I feel a hand brush away my hair from my neck and start kissing it. I smile to myself and turn around to kiss who I am guessing is Dylan, only to be surprised by it being Matt. I take my hands from his face and clear my throat.
"Uh, what are you doing?" I ask.
"Shhh. Pretend I'm Dylan." He whispers in my ear. I turn away from him and get off the chair walking back to the kitchen. Dylan is pouring a bag of ice into an esky already full of alcoholic drinks. When he sees me he grins and I peck his lips.
"Your friend Matt is quite the douche." I say. Dylan's face drops and he puts the empty bag that was filled with ice on the table.
"What? What'd he do? I'm going to kill him." He snarls. I put hand on his upper arm.
"It's fine. It was nothing. He just kissed my neck and when I asked him what he was doing, he just said "pretend I'm Dylan."" I explain. Dylan laughs.
"He's drunk. You're lucky he's not full on drunk, otherwise he'd pick you up and whisk you away." I laugh.
"Well, thanks for the heads up. Is everything as it should be?" I ask. He nods and takes my hands.
"Let's take shots."
"Are you sure? I've seen what vodka does to you."
"Shh, let's just do it." He smiles, pulling me to the bar. He grabs the vodka and the shot glasses. Then he fills them to the top and we each grab one. He grins at me as we loop arms and take it. I wince as the liquid burns my throat on the way down. He grabs another and so do I. We take it on three. I laugh as we take another. And soon we've had about 5 and I feel like the world is spinning too fast. I hold my head.
"I need to lye down." I shout over the music. He chuckled and nods, taking my arm and pulling me upstairs to an occupied guest room. He locks the door behind us and I flop onto the bed.
"The world is spinning! Stop it! Dylan! Make it stop!" He laughs at my instruction and kisses me. I kiss him back and everything stops spinning. He pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. He's about to kiss me again, but a loud bang on the door stops him.
"Dylan? There's a huge fight! You need to do something." A girls voice shouts.
"Shit!" Dylan curses, climbing off the bed and throwing the door open.
"Crap! Where?" He asks her.
"Living room." She says.
"Thanks Kat!" He races downstairs and I get off the bed slowly. The girl waits at the door and I stumble and she catches my arm.
"Woah. Had a bit to drink?" She laughs.
"Hahaha, yeah, I had a bit too much..." I laugh.
"It's a party! You're supposed to. I'm Kat." She smiles.
"I'm Amber." I reply.
"Oh, you're the one who's brother died in that car accident. And you mum took her life about 10 years ago?"
"Yeah, I don't need a fucking run down on how my life has played out so far. I remember both of those days like they were yesterday." I hiss. She glares at me and clears her throat.
"So, how do you know Dylan?" She asks, as we walk down the stairs. I can hear the chanting of fight, fight, fight, fight being repeated over and over again.
"Um, he's my boyfriend."
"Oh, you're also that bitch who took him." She smiles fakely. I'm tempted to punch her, but hold it back.
"I'm sorry?"
"You heard." She says, not looking at me. This girl was going to die tonight, I think.
"Well, obviously he saw nothing in you." I shrug, shoving past her, leaving her standing there with an open mouth. I smirk but stop when I see who's officially in the fight.
Mac.
The little shit! He probably called someone a dickhead and then got a worse insult back and so Mac punched him. I want to punch him. I see that Dylan is trying to stop the fight without getting hurt himself. It isn't working. So I push through everyone to the front of the crowd and cross my arms, glaring at Mac. He doesn't notice me. I wait for a gap between the two boys before stepping into that gap, my arms still crossed. Mac stops his fist flying through the air, when he sees me, so it just hangs there. He slowly retreats his arm to his side and looks down at the ground. I raise my eyebrows at him. Everyone stops changing fight and the room goes silent, the music stopping. I clear my throat, my head still spinning a bit.
"Mac, a word." I say. I grab his wrist and pull him upstairs into the bedroom Dylan and I were just in. I slam the door shut just as the party comes back to life, the loud music floating upstairs. Mac sits on the bed and looks at me guiltily.
"What the hell was that?" I ask. He stays silent.
"Mac! You can't go around punching people! You may be drunk but it's no excuse!" I yell. Silence.
"More silence. Great." I sit next to him.
"He said something hurtful about you and Ryan." He says quietly.
"Wha... What did he say?" I ask. Mac looks at me.
"He said that you were my fuck toy and also that I should be the one who was dead instead of your brother or be the one in prison for the collusion." He says, looking down at the ground.
"Why would he say you should be in prison?" I ask, alarmed.
"Because," it looks like he can't say what he wants to say. Silence coats his words before they leave his mouth.
"Because... I... I was in that car that smashed into yours." He finally says quietly. I shake my head in shock. I must have heard that wrong.
"Wha-what did you say?" I stutter.
"I was in that freaking car that smashed into your brothers! I was in the back seat with my mate and the driver and we were all high as fuck! And we both thought it would be funny to speed towards a car and then screech to a halt right in front of it and then speed off! I was the one who came up the idea!" He shouts at me, standing up. "And somehow that secret got out." He adds quietly. I swallow the speech like taking a pill dry. I'm speechless.
"Amber. Say something." He whispers. But I can't.
"SAY SOMETHING, GOD DAMNIT!" He demands. I flinch.
"I-I... Uh... I don't have anything to say." I pause, thinking. "Except for the fact that you are sick for not telling me! I've slept next to you since my brother was killed by you and your stupid idiot's of friends! I can't believe you!"
"Amber, just-"
"Just what, Mac?" I snap. "Just what?" I almost sob.
"I-I don't know,"
"I'm going." I stand up and open the door.
"And where are you going to go, huh?"
"I'm staying with Dylan. And if not with Dylan, I'll stay with Oli!" I walk out, slamming the door behind me. I stop just outside the door, and take a deep breath, blinking back tears. I walk back downs stirs and into the kitchen. I find a bottle of vodka under the kitchen sink, and 20 minutes later, I'm feeling much better. I walk into the living room, into the life of the party, the bottle still in my hand. I stumble around, bumping into people who then tell me to "watch it". I just flip them off and start dancing. With my hands up, moving my body to the music that I don't usually enjoy listening to. I feel hands on my waist and look back to see the guy who I met earlier. I forgot his name. M... Mac? No. Matt? I think so. Then he mouths it go me. Matt. I nod and keep dancing as he grinds against me. I take another drink from the bottle and wince as the liquid stings my throat. I look around and my heart jumps into my mouth when I see my boyfriend making out with some blonde headed bimbo. I stop dancing. Matt turns me around to him and raises an eyebrow. I look back at Dylan and that girl and then back to Matt. He sees them and then gives me a look of sympathy. Then he takes my arm and pulls me off the dance floor and into the backyard. There are only a few people outside. He sits me down on a banana lounge beside the big pool. I start crying. I put the bottle of vodka onto the grass as Matt sits next to me. I bury my face into his chest and bawl my eyes out. His arms wrap around me.
"I should've known." I sob. He rubs my back.
"Shh, it's okay." He says.
"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that that isn't Dylan making out with that blonde hair bimbo-"
"Veronica." Matt cuts in.
"...Veronica against the wall." I finish. Matt stays silent.
"Fuck!" I curse.
"Personally, I think you're much prettier than her."
"I don't care about looks! He said he loved me! And he said it with meaning! How did I fall for that jerk!" I cry. "I should have known that he'd just... just fuck things up."
"It was him, not you. Just remember that." I look up at him, studying his face. He has a defined jaw line, grey blue and dirty blonde hair. His grey blue eyes are soft and kind and his dirty blonde hair is messy, giving him that... "rustic" look. He gives me a cute smile and leans down, placing his lips on mine. I don't do anything to stop him. I kiss him back. Dylan needs to know that his little make out session with Veronica doesn't faze me. But deep down inside it does. It kills me. Matt stands up, his arm wrapping around my waist as he keeps kissing me. Then he grabs my wrist and pulls me upstairs to a different room. It looks like a study. There's a couch against the far wall. I shut and lock the door behind me and just as I turn around, Matt pushes me up against the door, pressing his lips against mine. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He walks us over to the couch and lays me down gently. Then he starts kissing my neck. I run my hands through his hair as he pulls off my top. He pulls off his top as well and returns to my neck. He kisses down my stomach and his hands stay at my waist. He undoes my jeans and pulls them off, then he does his. I bring his face to mine and kiss him. He kisses me back and my arms wrap around his neck, my fingers twirling in his hair. He pulls away, his breathing ragged, and rests his forehead against mine. He looks deep into my eyes.
"Are you sure?" He asks. I look into his eyes, a small smile creeping onto my face. I peck his lips.
"Yes. He needs to know I'm over him." I say. He buries his face into the crook of my neck and kisses it.
"But are you positive?" He asks, looking into my eyes again. "Because if you don't want to"But are you positive?" He asks, looking into my eyes again. "Because if you don't want to, we can stop. I'm not going to force you."
"What? Don't you want to do it?"
"No, of course I do."
"Then what are we waiting for?" I ask rhetorically.
"We're probably not going to remember this in the morning." He chuckles. I peck his lips.
"Hurry up!" I urge. He let's out a small laugh with a grin and then I'm off in dream land.

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