For Good

I'm right here

*one month later*

The team had been beating themselves up in the bullpen for half an hour, the case they caught today was tough, especially on jay. It involved a 9 year old boy being shot and killed all thanks to gang violence, it tugged on jays heart strings since these types of cases felt personal to him ever since he shot that little girl by accident a while back.

Abbie finally caught jay alone in the break room for the first time in hours so she took this as her chance to check on him, "hey...how you feeling?" She smiled and walked up to him as he leant over the sink, clearly deep in thought.  He jumped a little at the sound of a voice but calmed down when he realised it was only his partner, "I'm fine" he lied.  Abbie frowned and leant on the counter next to him, "jay..." she spoke softly.  Jay stood up in a huff, "i said I'm fine" he repeated himself, only this time his response sounded a little more abrupt then he would've like it too.  Abbie flinched a little at his tone since she'd never heard that side of him but smiled at him sadly, "alright, well if you need me. You know where I'll be" she placed a hand on his arm and looked down before leaving him alone again.

Jay clenched his eyes shut in regret, he knew not to use that tone with her because she found it difficult to deal with thanks to her past, he cursed himself but he had no clue what to do. He was torn between the case, his PTSD was making a comeback again after it had finally settled down a little, life was just setting him up for failure at the moment. He stayed in the break room for a few minutes before walking back outside into the bullpen with the rest of the unit, he avoided eye contact with anyone, especially Abbie since he felt bad. "Go home guys, today's been tough. Get some rest, I don't wanna see your faces tomorrow, I'll see you all on Wednesday" he smiled, they all sighed in relief that they had tomorrow off since they all needed it.

"Jay I don't wanna push but I'm worried about you..." Abbie admitted what had been on her mind which took him by surprise. He turned his head to her direction, "like I said before. I'm fine. Just go home and rest" he sighed and pushed her away again. Abbie watched him get into his car and drive off, she hated seeing jay like this and she had a pretty bad feeling that his PTSD was worsening too. She huffed and got into her car before driving home, only she worried about him all night. She decided that she would kick herself if jay was struggling on his own and she knew about it but chose to let it slide so she grabbed her shoes and slipped them on. She made sure jet would be okay on her own, she always was since she was used to it from swat. She grabbed her phone and left her house before getting into her car as heading to jays apartment even though it was around 9:30pm at night.

                  She found herself stood outside of jays apartment door, she took a deep breath before knocking quietly since there were other people living in the apartments nearby.  She looked around while she waited for the door to open.  Jay was sat watching a hockey game on the couch when he heard a gentle knock on the door, he frowned and got up as he trudged over to the door.  The person who was stood in front of him when he finally opened the door shocked him, "Abbie...?" He furrowed his brows in confusion.  She shot her head in his direction and smiled as he opened the door for her to come inside.  She smiled again and stepped inside as he closed the door behind her.  "What're you doing here?" He looked at her as he stood there in his PJ's. 

                 Abbie smiled, "I know you're not okay so I'm here to check on you" she held up some ice cream she bought at the store on her way over.  Jay smiled slightly as she walked over to his kitchen and put the tub of ice cream on the counter, mint choc chip, his favourite.  "Thanks for this but really, I'm fine" he leant against the wall.  Abbie stood there staring at him with a raised eyebrow, "no you're not, and you're not staying alone tonight so you're either coming with me back to my place or I'm staying here" she grabbed two spoons from his kitchen drawers.  Jay looked at her in shock, he hadn't seen the protective caring side to her yet, "abs..." he started but she cut him off again, "it wasn't a debate so what's it gonna be?" She held up the spoons with a smile.  Jay looked at her thankfully, "you can stay here" he smiled. 

                    The pair sat down on his couch and watched the hockey game as they ate the ice cream and laughed, jay didn't know what he did to deserve such a good partner, best friend even.  "You look tired, go get some sleep" Abbie looked at him as he barely kept his eyes open.  Jay looked at her blankly, "but what about you?" He frowned.  She laughed, "I'm taking the couch, now go rest up" she sensed the sleepless nights he'd been having.  Jay smiled at her for a few seconds before walking over to a cupboard and pulling out a blanket, "goodnight" he smiled weakly and handed it to her, there were already pillows on the couch, "goodnight jay" she smiled and watched him walk off to go to his room.

                   She was half asleep until around 3am in the morning when she heard mumbling and movement coming from jays room, she immediately jumped up and ran into his room.  The sight she was greeted with was heart breaking, he was rummaging around under his sheets, his body was fighting battles with his mind.  She carefully walked over to him and spoke gently, "jay it's okay, you're at home. It's me, Abbie" she whispered.  Still nothing, "hey it's okay, you're okay" she spoke a bit louder and placed a gentle hand on his arm.  Her touch caused him an immediate reaction as he snapped back into reality, his breathing was all over the place, "it's okay, you're at home" she kept her hand there as jay looked at her.  His breathing was still chaotic, "it's okay, just breathe for me" she smiled even though he probably couldn't see her in the dark. 

                  "I'm sorry..." he apologised.  Abbies heart broke in two, it was as if he felt like a burden for having feelings, "you've got nothing to be sorry about, c'mon let's go watch cartoons or something" she smiled and gripped onto his arm a little.  Jay smiled and nodded before following her out into the living room and over to the couch, he had no idea how she knew about cartoons being his go to channel when he needed something to calm himself down. 

                   The pair watched cartoons in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before jay spoke out, "it's just too much sometimes..." he revealed his feelings.  Abbie looked over to him sadly, "you wanna talk about it?" She smiled, the tv was the only source of light in the room.  Jay looked down but shook his head indicating it was too hard for him to talk about, "that's okay, you can tell me when you're ready if you want" she smiled reassuringly.  Jay looked back up with teary eyes and nodded weakly so Abbie shifted around on the couch a little bit so she was in a half sitting up, half laying down position, jay didn't really know what she was doing.  "Come here" she put her arms out, jay looked at her in shock, he was hesitant so he just stared at her blankly.  She smiled and waved her hand, "come here" she said again with a bigger smile this time. 

                His worried slipped away as he finally done as she said, he laid down on her chest with his hands around her as she wrapped one arm around the side of his head and the other on his arm, "I'm right here" she whispered as she held him supportively, this was a method that hank used on her to calm her down when she was younger.  After a few seconds of silence she felt him relax fully, "I'm right here..." she whispered tiredly again.  That was the last thing jay heard before he fell asleep.  Abbie fell asleep not too long after he did.