Subtle Love ~ C.E. (FIRST BOOK)

I'm Fine

Chris's POV
For the next few weeks after her leg healed up, I brought Dodger back home and y/n and I started going to therapy. We went together but, had different therapists. They thought it was better to talk things out by ourselves before talking with each other, which makes sense. We usually go around noon so, I made a quick breakfast. We sat at the dinner table, but farther apart. We would normally sit right next to each other because there was no reason to be so distant but now, we just stare at each other from the end of the table. After breakfast, we took a quiet car drive to the therapist office and went on our separate ways.

"Hello Chris, how are you feeling?" "I've been feeling really down this week. It's been really quiet in the house and y/n's been isolating herself." "And how does her isolation make you feel?" "It makes me feel lonely. I completely understand that she's going through something and she needs her time. We've just been so separate......and quiet. We don't talk as much anymore unless it's a good morning, good night, a question about food, or when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I miss her touch. All I want to do is hug her but, I don't want to invade her space." "I understand that could be difficult. I'm glad that you don't want to invade her space, that's a good thing. Also, especially in times like this, she's going to need that space and alone time. But once she feels that she has enough of it, she'll come around and start communicating with you."

I nod and look down at my hands. "But let's talk about how you feel." "I thought that's what I was doing." "Yes, you are. However, I'm talking about how you felt about the actual incident. So tell me, how did you feel when you realized she was gone?" "I woke up.....in our car. My whole body felt sore and blood was dripping down my forehead. Once I gained full consciousness, I realized she was gone. And by the time I pulled myself out of the wreck, the police and an ambulance came to help. I was angry. Refusing help until I found her. They had to calm me down until the point where I was just crying. I felt like I was losing her all over again."

Y/N's POV
"How are you doing today, Ms. Bennett?" "I've had better days and please, call me y/n." "Okay y/n, how are the dreams going? Are you still waking up in cold sweats or screaming?" "Not as much as before. It only happens a few days a week. The tea before bed that you suggested seems to be working a bit. So, thank you for that." "My pleasure. Are the dreams still the same or have you been seeing something different every time?" "They're still the same." "Are you ready to tell me what they're about?" "I think so." "Please proceed and take your time." "They're usually just dreams about the day I was first taken so..When Chris and I were on the way to the airport, Nick crashed his car into our car and drugged us. He left Chris, took me, and brought me to this abandoned place I've never seen before. When he came into the room, I was....angry. And confused. I asked for Chris and he told me that he was fine. But then he called me 'love'." "What's significant about the name love?" "That's what Chris calls me, ever since we got together. So when Nick called me that, I told him not to say it. Because only Chris says that. Then, he got upset and grabbed my jaw very roughly. And he slapped me."

Oh boy, were the tears coming down now. It's like I've had a never ending waterfall attached to my eyes. "Then, I wake up. But weeks after it happened, he would barely give me food which is why I lost a lot of weight, and he violated me." I said wiping the tears. "It's okay y/n, you can let it out." "No, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm a little emotional but, I'm starting to get over it." I said looking everywhere else but, her. "Y/N." The therapist said slowly as I finally made eye contact with her. "Hm?" "This only happened about a month ago. It's okay if you're not okay." "Yeah, I know." "If you know that, why are you rushing to admit that you're okay?" "Because I am. I'm back home with my fiancé and away from danger. That's all I want and need. So, I'm fine." The therapist slowly nodded and before she began to speak again, I asked softly with my eyes now red, "Actually, can we cut this short? I just want to go home, please." "But Ms. Y/N, what about the rest of the session?" "It's okay, I will come back for our next one. I'm just not up for this right now, please understand." I asked quickly wiping another tear, looking up at the ceiling then looking back at the therapist.

"Okay, of course. I'll see you next time." The therapist smiled lightly. I mouthed thank you and left the room as a panic attach began to arise. I went to the bathroom and splashed water in my face to calm down but, all that did was make me more alert and aware. I look at myself in the mirror as my face was hot and watery, I'm a mess. I bang the counter in frustration before bursting in tears. This hurts. I feel like I'm not myself anymore. My body's not my own. My skin is someone else's. I'm not the Y/N everyone used to know, I've been used and abused. That's all I'm ever gonna see. A knock on the door caught my attention as I scurried to grab a tissue and wipe my face, "Give me a second!" I yelled out, "Y/N? Baby, it's Chris." I stopped in my tracks and sighed before slowly opening the door.

I pursed my lips and looked into his blue eyes, trying my best not to lose it. "What happened, love? Are you okay?" And of course, when someone asks if you're okay when you're a second away from breaking, you can guess what happened. I shook my head and he embraced me as I cried into his arms. He delicately held my head and said, "Shh, shh. Okay baby, I know. Let's go home." I broke away and looked back into his eyes and frantically shook my head again, "B-But what about your session? You need counseling too, bug." "I'll just go to the next session and so will you." "No, it's okay. I'm fine-" "Love, you're not fine. And it's okay. Let's go." He took me in his arms and we hurried into the car and drove home. Once we got back, I went upstairs with Dodger on my tail, and laid down in bed to take a nap.

Chris's POV
I absolutely hate seeing her like this. She didn't deserve what happened to her, no one does. I haven't heard her laugh or even crack a smile in weeks. She's the most joyful person I know and here she is, crying almost everyday and in denial. She still has her nightmares which aren't as consistent as before and we still sleep in the same bed but, it's like we're so far apart. I really hope the therapy helps because if it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do.

(I am so sooooooo sorry for this chapter😭I was having writer's block so, excuse me if this isn't all that good. Also, should I publish the Bucky Barnes story? Or wait until I'm done with this one? Please let me know what you guys think!)