THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME

Chapter 35

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CHAPTER 35
Listen while reading imperfections

Brian POV

I am so furious with everything and worst of all myself. Why wasn't I on top of things? Why didn't I check on him more? He looked to be fine when he left after my wedding. When I heard him a few weeks back sounding not of himself, I should have trusted my instincts and check on him.

Jinettes is the last person I want to take out my frustration on. She's only trying to help. I know that but I can't help my emotions and the way I feel. The more I think of him suffering and alone doesn't sit right with me.

The moment those words left my mouth and I saw the look on her face, my heart constricts. I knew I made a mistake and shouldn't have taken it out on her? I flip all my pent up emotions on her and I shouldn't have done it after she's trying to help me cope with it all. I know all this but yet I'm here hurting her feelings because I can't control my emotions and anger towards this situation. It only makes me feel worst and I'm not fulfilling my duties as a husband and son.

I stood there moments ago watching her walk away from me and it's like I couldn't breathe. This can't be happening today. I don't need this and I need my house in order, to handle what's happening with granddad and around me. So I went after her. Today we were to get some work done and spend the rest of the day together. I wanted to romance her after we worked so hard the past couple of weeks trying to transition her into her office and shearing the workload. Then I received the email that changed my day and probably my life forever.

I lean on the bedroom wall trying to think and calm myself. She knows I love her, I wish to keep it that way. When I notice she's zipping her bag, it hit me like a ton of bricks. She's leaving, she can't walk away from me. I walk up to her.

"Jinette....." she didn't answer.

"Jinette..." I call again. Yet she didn't answer me and continue to zip up her bag. She turns and tries to walk away but I stop her placing my hand on her baby bump gliding my hand to her midsection.

"Baby, you didn't deserve that. I can't believe I said those words to you in the manner I did. You didn't deserve it. I have my imperfections too and I let my anger out on you. It wasn't called for and I shouldn't have taken this out on you, can you forgive me." I look at her with sincerity in my eyes and show her my true feeling.

She shakes her head gripping her bag tighter as tears settle in her eyes but she didn't say anything. So I continue to put her mind and heart at ease.

"You deserve a man who can put your feelings above his own, especially now. I wasn't that man a while ago. Hurting your feelings is something I cannot accept. The moment you walked away I knew the mistake I'd made. I'm sorry baby."

"Are you blaming me for this Brian?" She asks meekly looking into my eyes for the truth.

" No, I don't blame you Jinette."

"Hmm," is all she hums to my response.

"I'm here to fix it please let me. The only one I have left is you and your love and I made anger clouded that love a moment ago. Please don't leave me to. Don't go, baby."

"Why shouldn't I Brian?"

"You've comforted me by just sitting outside my door and not walking away when I needed you most. Please let me comfort you now baby, don't push me away as I did to you."

She just bent her head and silently tears run out her eyes. I know I hurt her feelings. I could kick myself for it now.

"I didn't mean it Jinette, I know my actions damage the bond we've built these past months. I cannot live with that and I can't live without you. Forgive me, please."

I put her bag onto the floor. I cup her cheeks lifting her head to me. I wipe away her tears. Looking into her eyes. My own eyes are clouded by tears.

"It was never my intention to hurt your feelings or make you cry this way. Please, please don't leave me." I plead with her.

She returns my gaze, wiping the teardrop that rolls down my face hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry you're going through this, my husband."

I groan with the intensity I feel in her embrace as our body connects. I was hugging my wife with emotions so high it is suffocating and I've never felt this way. When I pull away I lean my forehead against hers closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry wife," she nods her head.

"Am I forgiven?"

"I understand and yes I forgive you, Brian. I just want you to talk to me. We can go through this together if you let me in."

"I would like that very much, Mrs Chesney."

"Then we shall Mr Chesney."

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Ice cream for our bean and pasta with extra cheese for me," She smiles brightly.

I chuckled. "You're too perfect for me, you know that."

"I know," she says rolling her eyes.

I look into her eyes with a serious expression, still cupping her cheeks.

"I'm serious, I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on you."

"Brian I know that wasn't you and your hurting, how it was done wasn't the best so I understand perfectly."

"You're forgiven you don't have to keep explaining."

"Wait...... did you know about this."

"No, I didn't know. You think I would know about your grandfather condition and not tell you about it. I talk to you about everything baby. Grandpa told me when he came over a while ago they both kept this from us."

"You called Sean last night."

"Yeah, when I heard you breaking stuff. Since you shut me out, I called him to see if he can get through to you."

"Sean and Cindy are going through a bit of a thing so I don't want him to bother with this."

"I know, Cindy told me but I was only thinking about you at the time."

I nod she's incredible to put up with me.

"Brian, I'm your wife, when you're hurting, I'm hurt, please don't shut down on me ever again."

"I know, I just don't know how to deal with any of this. I'm not prepared for any of it."

"I know that, but we can figure it out together."

"Yes, we can."

"Should I arrange for us to go to France tomorrow, after my OB Visit?"

I shake my head in agreement. I forgot about her appointment date.

I put my hands to my waist leaning my head back closing my eyes. I look at her and nod walking out, I close the door behind me heading to the kitchen.

While I prepare pasta for Jinette, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

What I'm about to see in France? I lean against the kitchen island wondering if he's in pain or worst how far spread is his cancer and what course of treatment are the doctors taking.

I sign rubbing my face. I'm so tired.
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The end

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