Untouchable

Chapter 28

Lottie's POV

It was amazing, how different Louis was. Even waking up in the morning to hear him laughing at one of our sisters downstairs was bizarre. Before, he'd have been shut in his room all day and I didn't even know if he had known how to laugh then.
I had been afraid that I'd really upset him when I'd told him about the things that he had done that he couldn't remember. I hadn't meant to scare or worry him, but he had asked, so I had answered. I figured that he deserved to know. I hadn't really known whether or not it was safe to leave him alone afterwards, but I'd walked by his room about ten minutes later and heard him laughing. I had stood outside his door for a few minutes, trying to figure out why, but eventually I realized that he was on the phone with Harry.
When our mum had first told us that Louis and Harry were together, that they were boyfriends now, I had been surprised. After everything they had done to hurt each other, I couldn't imagine how they'd wound up dating. But after the initial shock and hurt that he hadn't told me sooner, I was happy for him. When I had called him, he'd sounded so happy and much more Louis than I remembered.
Even talking to him when he'd come home, he seemed so relaxed, like nothing had happened to him in the first place.
I had always thought the way that he worried about us was ridiculous. He was protective of our mum and our sisters, including me, and I never really understood why. Of course I was too, but not to the degree that he was.
After everything had happened, I understood. I felt like I had to call him everyday in order to ease my worries about him. I constantly checked in on him when he was home because I needed to be absolutely sure that he was okay and didn't need anything. Without him around, I'd assumed the role of the oldest child in the family and I understood his protectiveness of our younger sisters. It was a weird reversal when it came to being worried about him, because he was so much older than the rest of us, but he was still my brother and I loved him and cared about him just like the rest of my family.
It seemed like there was nothing to worry about. Louis was so happy and content that I almost forgot that he hadn't been just a few months prior.
We all noticed the way that he seemed to light up just a little but more every time his phone vibrated. It was amusing, how much he talked about Harry.
When Harry finally came over, I thought that Louis was going to wee himself. He spent the entire day pacing around and frantically making sure that the house was up to the standard that he had in his head. After the third time that he changed his shirt- "Louis, he's seen all of your shirts and it's only been a few days since you've seen him." -the doorbell rang and he went flying past our mum to answer it.
I went after him, not quite in the same rush as he was. I was excited to see Harry, but naturally, as he was not my boyfriend, I wasn't so much as Louis was.
The second Harry came inside, I could hear the change in Louis' voice, the way it became so much happier.
I poked my head in to the front room, not wanting to interrupt whatever reunion they had going on. Thankfully, for the sake of my eyes, it was just a hug.
"Hi," I said.
They looked up and pulled apart-not entirely. Louis stayed tucked under Harry's arm, half-heartedly glaring at me for interrupting them.
"Hi!" Harry said, "It's been ages, hasn't it?"
It was startling, how different he was. The last time I had seen him in person, he'd pretty much been dying. He'd been pale and gaunt, cuts up his arms and looking a minute from keeling over. I'd seen him in pictures and when Louis would skype us since then, but it wasn't quite the same as seeing him in person. He looked so healthy. He had always been handsome- I had to admit that- but he'd grown up more and I was almost jealous of Louis for taking him. Harry was really attractive. I couldn't be upset about it. He had helped my brother be happy again. Plus, there was never anything there other than thinking he was attractive.
When Harry pulled me into a hug. Louis had to back away, pouting. Harry greeted the rest of my family, agreeing to let the twins play with his hair later and complimenting Fizzy on her outfit. Louis was grinning at him.
"Love, why don't you take Harry's things to your room for the time being," our mum said to Louis.
Louis nodded and grabbed Harry's hand before realizing he needed his hand to carry Harry's bag.
"Lou, you don't have to," Harry said, laughing when Louis rolled his eyes and picked up the bag anyways.
"I'll give you the grand tour," Louis said as they walked away.
"I've been here before, you know that, right?" Harry snorted, following after him.
***
They came down whenever my mum called them for dinner an hour later. I'd wandered past Louis' room and all I'd heard was them talking and giggling, but Louis' hair looked suspiciously messy, which. Gross.
I decided that if I ever wanted to lose weight, Louis and Harry would just have to eat with us more often. They were so sickeningly in love that I almost was nauseated by it. But, it was absolutely adorable. Louis kicked me several times in trying to play footsie with Harry. I kicked him in the shin and he scowled at me.
They talked about their upcoming tour and the places they were going to go and I wasn't too blind not to see the way they talked more to each other than the rest of us.
It was insane.
I couldn't stop picturing a different Louis, one who thought that love didn't exist and turned his back on it. He had been afraid of everything affectionate and had refused to be hugged even by our mum.
And yet, it had hardly been any time at all and he was in love and happier than I had thought possible for him.
I should have been grossed out at how sickeningly affecfionate they were, but couldn't stop smiling the entire night. Neither could Louis.
He laughed until there were tears in his eyes and he rolled off the sofa onto the floor when Harry let the twins do his hair and give him a 'makeover'.
Eventually, when the twins were in bed and I knew that the rest of us were on our way, I cornered Harry in the kitchen when he went to refill Louis' glass of water for him. I figured that since Louis was the oldest, as the next oldest, I had the responsibility of giving Harry the lecture on what would happen to his genitalia were he to ever hurt Louis.
"Harry," I said.
He turned around.
"Hi!" he said brightly, as if we hadn't been talking all night, "Fancy seeing you here."
"Harry," I repeated, "I hate to do this, but I think we need to have a talk."
Harry blinked at me, looking confused, and set Louis' water down.
"Okay?" he said, "Yeah, what's up?"
"Listen. Typically the older sibling does this, but since Louis is the oldest, I have no choice but to be the one to give you 'the talk'," I said.
"Oh," Harry said, looking less confused and more nervous, "Talk away then, I suppose."
"Okay. So. You and I both know that even though Louis hates to admit it, he's still not 100% okay and that people need to treat him very carefully sometimes. You're the scariest thing in the world to him, which you probably very well know, because he was bloody terrified of hugging us a few months ago, much less actively being in a relationship. I have no idea what you did to him, but I thought he was going to die; he was so insane and miserable," I said.
I hadn't planned on getting emotional. I had just wanted to scare him a little bit, tease him a little. I hadn't exactly planned on what I was going to say, but it hadn't been that.
Harry stared at me.
"Hey, Lottie," he sighed, tugging me in for a hug, "He's okay now. I'm so sorry. I never meant to do that to him."
I had a profound memory of Liam calling us one day, demanding that I put my mum on the line because he had said that Louis 'wasn't okay'. I hadn't learned what had happened until later, but I just knew that when my mum hung up, her face had been completely white. She told me that Louis and Harry had gotten into a fight and that Liam said that Louis had completely lost it. With Louis, that could have meant anything, and judging by the look on my mum's face, it could have meant the worst.
It had almost meant the worst. He'd gone off the grid for three weeks and Liam had called and said that when he had gotten back, Louis had explained that he had almost tried to jump off of a bridge.
I felt sick just remembering the way that our mum had cried the entire time Louis had been gone.
"It's not your fault. It's our fault for not looking out for him before he hurt himself because he was too bloody stupid to actually talk to somebody and get help. He wanted to die and he was killing himself without even meaning to and now he's- it's amazing, what having you has done for him. Thank you," I said, muffled in Harry's shoulder.
"I haven't done anything that anybody else wouldn't have done," he said, "When I got back from rehab, I didn't recognize him. The boys had told me that he was sad and angry a lot of the time but then I saw it first hand and it was so heartbreaking and I couldn't do anything about it because I couldn't stand to be so close to him so much. When he- I didn't know what had happened to him then, but when they told me- I. There's no-"
And then Harry was crying too. It was absolutely pathetic, the two of us, but at the same time, it was comforting.
"I love him a lot, Lottie, and I swear I'll never hurt him. I've hurt him too much already. I can't just sit by and watch him like that again. I won't let him. I swear," he whispered.
"I really thought he was going to die," I whispered, "I went into his room one night and I don't know if he was asleep or in that place that he went where he was a million miles away, but I sat next to him and told him how much a I loved him and I pretty much told him goodbye because I didn't know if I was going to get another chance. I thought that he was going to kill himself because I heard him saying that he wanted to and I thought he might drink himself to death or just- I don't know. But I was pretty much counting down the days until I had to be the oldest."
"I'm so sorry," Harry murmured, pulling me in more tightly, "I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that."
"Love?" Louis asked, poking his head into the kitchen, "Um?"
I quickly wiped my face off.
"I was wondering what was taking you guys so long, but I can um, give you a bit of privacy if you're having a moment or summat," he continued, giving us a wary, albeit concerned smile.
Harry glanced at me.
"Anyways," I said, "What I meant to say was that I will hurt you if you dare step out of line and I will cut your dick off and auction it off to one of your fans. I think we're done now, Lou. You can have your boyfriend back."
Harry blinked at me.
"Okay," Louis said slowly, "Um. We were just setting up your sofa, love, cause mum's off to bed. Didn't know if you wanted to bring your stuff down of leave it upstairs or what."
"I can go get it," Harry said, "Here's your water, anyways. Sorry I was a bit slow in getting it."
"It's the thought that counts, innit?" Louis said, letting Harry kiss him when he handed him the glass of water.
I made a face at them. Harry smiled. Louis just rolled his eyes.
"I'm off to bed. You can be as gross as you want now," I muttered, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Louis said, "Now that you're going to bed, I plan to have wildly innapropriate sex down here, so hurry up, please."
I grimaced.
"Oh god, please never make me think about that again," I protested, "Goodnight."