Untouchable

Chapter 32

Louis' POV

The nice thing was, I didn't think about Ben once before I went onstage.

I didn't really have a say in whether or not I went on, because we were playing it off like Harry had the flu and couldn't go onstage so that the fans wouldn't know what had actually happened. If I had gone with him to the hospital, I wouldn't have been at the concert and the fans would have known that something more was going on. Besides, we weren't out yet and it would be incredibly suspicious if we both missed a concert. From the way I was acting onstage, it was probably suspicious anyways.

I tried my hardest to convert my nervous energy into something positive but the other boys gave me worried looks more than a few times when they thought I was acting too wild.

I couldn't stop thinking about Harry and I felt physically sick from the guilt. No matter how hard I washed my hands, there was a little blood under my nails that I couldn't get out and every time I looked at them, I wanted to throw up. I wanted more than anything to get off of the stage so that I could get to the hospital. I frantically checked my phone any time that I could without it being blatantly obvious. I could only imagine him scared and sad in a hospital without me. I needed to get to him and it was upsetting to stay onstage.

When I got offstage after the encore, the first thing I did was take Zayn's cigarettes. The second thing I did was call Harry. When he didn't pick up, I asked every crew member that I passed by if they knew who had taken him to the hospital. Nobody did. It had all happened so fast and they had had to take him quickly because they weren't sure how much blood that he had lost or why he was spitting it up. By the time Liam found me, I was panicking. He led me back to my dressing room, a hand on my back so that I wouldn't collapse. I felt like I would, anyways.

He had me sit down and waited until I was breathing fairly normally to calmly explain that Harry was going to be okay, that the doctor that had checked him out had thought it might have been a severe panic attack. I had already known that, but I didn't bother interrupting Liam to tell him so. Harry was alert and talking to everyone and the only thing that was wrong was that he was still shaky and kept asking about me. They wanted to keep him overnight at the very least and were going to have a psychiatrist evaluate him.

"Louis, can I ask what happened?" Liam asked gently when he was done.

I was standing up to change into post-concert clothes.

I sighed, eyeing the package of cigarettes on the sofa. I didn't smoke regularly, only when I was exceptionally stressed. Harry wasn't fond of it but we both agreed that it was better than drinking.

"Get dressed and we can go outside," Liam said, noticing, "You don't have to tell me anything. I just...it was pretty shocking to me, I guess. I never thought he'd do something like that again, you know? Shit, I'm sorry. I'm making you feel worse, aren't I?"

I nodded. I pulled on a pair of joggers and the first t-shirt I could see. It was massive, so I suspected it was Harry's.

I checked my phone again as Liam led me outside. He told me that there was a car waiting whenever we were ready.

My hands shook when I tried to light the cigarette.

"We've been stressed lately. I've been really difficult to deal with and I know that I was being hard on him. I guess I forget sometimes that he's human too and that he can get frustrated," I said quietly after a few minutes, "So I was being mean and stupid like I usually am before a concert and I went too far."

I'd let Harry think that we weren't okay. I didn't know why. If anything in my life was okay, then it was my relationship with Harry. I remembered how hurt- how scared he'd looked when I had tried to walk away from him. I felt sick all over again.