Untouchable

Chapter 33

Louis' POV

I missed Harry.

The cottage was wonderful and my head cleared much more quickly than I had expected it to. The stress melted off as I swam around in the ocean or lounged on the beach and it was much easier to get my thoughts in order. But the entire time, I didn't stop missing Harry. That was my own fault, I knew that, but I thoroughly believed that going off by myself had been necessary. I was in a place of peace and clarity that I knew that I would never have in London.

I worried about him a lot. A good portion of it was worrying if he was upset with me for leaving, which I knew that he had to be, and how his cuts were healing, but a decent amount was just simple little things. I wondered if he was warm enough at night or if we had milk for his cereal or if he had remembered to buy more toothpaste.

Pathetically, I wasn't sleeping as well as I normally did next to him. I'd gotten used to sharing a bed and sleeping alone felt bizarre. But compared to how I had been sleeping in London- which was to say, not much at all- just a few hours were heavenly. I felt well-rested and clear-headed. It was a nice change, not to worry about anything but putting on sunscreen.

I was there for five days when I decided to go back home. I called to arrange a car and a ticket back to London. Truthfully, I was terrified. I knew that Harry wasn't happy with me and I hadn't spoken to him since the night before I had left. I just didn't know how mad at me he was.

I got my phone back from security for the flight home. I turned it on, bracing myself.

Like I had expected, there was a barrage of messages and missed calls from Harry. They ranged from worried to sad to angry.

'Louis, where are you? I didn't know you were going out today. Text me! Love you! xx'

And then a few texts later-

'Saw your note...what??'

'Liam just texted me and told me. What the fuck why wouldn't you say anything to me???'

He got rapidly more and more frustrated.

'Why are you ignoring me?'

'Louis, please answer your phone!'

'I'm worried, please just text me back at least!'

'I can't believe you're doing this right now what the fuck Louis'

'I'm so mad at you.'

'You're in so much shit I can't believe you. Call me!'

And then, eventually- 'Whatever. I hope this is worth it.'

I felt sick as I listened to his voicemails. He was upset and angry, that much was obvious. Apparently he'd tried calling my family too, because calls and texts from my mum and Lottie were sprinkled in among his.

It had been worth it to me, I thought. I knew that I hadn't gone about it the right way because I was a complete coward, but the act of getting away to be by myself had been worth it. I felt good, other than the tension creeping along the back of my neck as I worried about my relationship. I didn't think he was mad enough to break up with me, but I had no way of knowing.

The plane ride went quickly, despite actually being a fairly long one. I dreaded landing and I flinched when we touched down. The drive from the airport to my house was even quicker.

I sat in my car for a good few minutes. Harry had to have heard me pull into our driveway, but he made no effort to come out after a few minutes. I figured he was either giving me my space or he was still incredibly angry- probably both. Even when Harry was mad, he still cared about other peoples' feelings. I felt dizzy with dread as I got out of my car and shuffled to the door like a man with a death sentence. It was hard to fit my key in the lock when my hands were shaking as badly as they were and I almost dropped my keys on the floor when I stepped inside.