Untouchable

Chapter 35

Louis' POV

I woke up with Harry's arm around my waist and his mouth on the side of my neck. His hair was tickling my face and it was a little too hot under the covers with him, but I couldn't bring myself to move away. I was fairly sure he was drooling on my shoulder.

I busied myself by messing around on my phone and trying not to make too much movement. Harry had been tired after the show the night before and I wanted to let him get his sleep. I had been absolutely exhausted, but sometimes it was still hard for me to sleep for as long as him. Old habits died hard.

I tried not to think too much about how I had absolutely lost it before the show. I had no idea where any of it had come from, just that one moment I was perfectly fine and the next I was yelling about nothing and everything at the same time. Harry had already known that I was still bothered by a lot of things, but I knew that he had still been surprised to hear it all coming out at the same time. I had started thinking too much about Ben and then somehow it had become thinking too much about Harry and then everything else.

Sometimes I thought that I was finally relatively okay and then something would happen to make me realize that I really wasn't at all. It wasn't like I was anywhere near as bad as I had been, but a lot of the time I found myself expecting to be magically all better and never have to worry about my mental health ever again.

I gave up on playing with my phone and lay back down next to Harry. Time never passed slowly when we were together, regardless of how conscious we were.

It was so quiet in the room and it gave me an opportunity to really think about things. I was so happy with Harry- that much was obvious. I couldn't have asked for anybody better for me. I didn't doubt that he was happy with me. I did wonder about how confident he was with our relationship. In the beginning, he had been seriously apprehensive, and he wasn't at fault for that. But we'd been dating for months and I couldn't help but wonder if he still felt like that. Obviously I wasn't helping at all, leaving him the way I had. I felt like he was still too concentrated on helping me that he was in danger of forgetting about himself. I was still worried that his relapse into cutting and purging would resurface. He was sure that it wouldn't, but I was a little more hesitant. I knew as well as anybody that people didn't just magically heal overnight. It was a lengthy process.

He hadn't hid the cuts at the show the night before, and I had been perusing our social media to see if anybody had noticed. Of course our fans had. There were HD pictures zoomed in on his wrist and a lot of our fans were really upset about them. I was too. Seeing them made me feel sick.

Generally, most of our fans were worried about it. There were entirely too many to be accidental, and they were all much too big. A few pointed out that Harry had seemed perfectly happy on stage, so there probably wasn't any big issues like there had been when he had taken to cutting in the past, but those fans were few and far between.

Harry was going to have to address them in an interview and I didn't think he would mind. I knew that he had gotten tired of talking about it when he had first come back from rehab, but he had been seriously thinking about making a difference. I knew that he would find some way to put a positive spin on it.

"G'morning, love," Harry murmured to my shoulder, interrupting my train of thought.

"Good morning," I said.

He squinted at me, still not completely awake. I had to bite back a laugh at the way his hair was sticking up in every direction. I found Harry incredibly sexy a good portion of the time, but when he first woke up in the morning, he was absolutely adorable. I kissed him, grinning helplessly. It was quick; I was wary of our morning breath.