Untouchable

Chapter 24

Louis' POV

Within a day, Lottie called me.
She'd always had a bit of a crush on Harry and naturally, she wasn't very pleased that I had stolen him from her.
But she ended the call telling me that she was glad that I was happy.
And I was.
Harry spent a few days with Felix and it was bizarre, how much I missed him. I'd always missed Eleanor when we were apart of course, but it was different with Harry, stronger.
I found myself constantly texting him and I called him before I went to bed at night. It was disgustingly cute.
He brought Felix over one day, explaining that as much as he had wanted time with me, Felix needed to get out of his house for a while. I knew about his sister and his parents, so I let it happen. It didn't make it any more ideal though.
Sure, Felix and I had bonded slightly over our phone call, but it didn't make me like him any more. And with him over, Harry was hyper-aware of what he did with me. The only time I got to kiss him the entire night was when Felix went to the toilet. Harry was just as clingy as I was and the few minutes he got to touch me were frantic, desperate to get in as much as we could.
"I can't do this to him," he murmured between kisses, "His feelings matter too, you know. Don't want to rub it in his face that I've got you."
I mumbled something unintelligible.
Much to my distaste, he stopped whenever we heard Felix coming back. I shuffled off of his lap, breathing hard.
When Felix came into the room, he gave us a tight smile. It was incredibly obvious that we hadn't just been sitting around and chatting while he had been gone. Harry had this stupid, love-drunk smile on his face and that was enough to give it away, much less the way his hair was messed up and the way his mouth was much darker than normal.
"You know, I do know you guys are together. You don't have to pretend you aren't in front of me," Felix said, sitting down.
I immediatly grabbed Harry's hand. I knew he was mine, but I still didn't appreciate the way he acted with Felix. Harry didn't appreciate the jealousy, but I supposed he would just have to deal with it.
I didn't really hold back from there. There was nothing much that the three of us shared an interested in, so we put in one of Harry's horribly sweet romance movies.
I could feel Felix staring daggers at me when I spent the majority of the movie finding ways to keep Harry's attention. I ran my hand up his thigh and kissed his neck, played with his hair and even nipped at his ear when he started to talk to Felix.
"You're being annoying," he muttered, batting my hands away.
"So is he," I hissed.
Felix gave me a look. I hadn't really tried to be quiet.
"Well if you don't want to be around us, you can leave," Harry snapped.
"You're going to kick me out of my own house?" I snorted.
He rolled his eyes.
"I meant go upstairs or something. Felix is my friend and I'm sorry you don't want me to have other friends, but I do," he spat.
I blinked.
"That's not what I...," I said slowly, then scowled, "Whatever."
I didn't go upstairs. I didn't want to give Felix that satisfaction. Instead, I got up to get a glass of water and when I got back, sat as far away from Harry as I could. I felt more than saw him glare at me.
When the movie was over, Felix left. I figured that he had been planning to stay longer but didn't want to with me around.
I heard them talking quietly by the door and ignored Felix when he called goodbye to me.
Finally I heard Harry slam the door and a second later, he was in front of me.
"Are you happy now?" he snarled, "Now that he's gone?"
I looked determinedly at his feet.
"What was that, Louis? I get you don't like him and you get jealous but was it really necessary to rub me in his face? God, you're such a child sometimes!" he yelled, "Look, I'm not saying you have to like him, just don't be so bloody inconsiderate! It always hurt when I saw you with Eleanor and I know you don't like that, so why do you intentionally do it to him? I've always been okay when you're with Stan or any of your other friends, so why can't you be okay with him? Am I not allowed to have friends?"
I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes when I looked up at him, but the way his expression softened, just slightly, for a moment told me that he wasn't convinced.
"My friends aren't in love with me," I said.
Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
"Louis, he's my best friend," he said, "Can't you give me that?"
"Ouch," I muttered.
"He's my best friend but you're my boyfriend, Lou, you're like one of my favorite people ever," he said, and for a moment, it sounded pleading, "Louis, please. Why don't you like him, anyways? Other than you don't like that he's in love with me."
I shrugged and picked at a loose thread on my sofa.
"Louis," Harry repeated, sitting down next to me.
"He replaced me," I mumbled, "You know he did. Like Cher says, 'everything you and I did first, now you're doing them with her' but it's a him in this case. It's not fair. You ignored me for six months and you came back with a new best friend."
"Louis, he gave me what I needed at the time. Now you're what I need and he knows that. But I still need him too," Harry explained, trying and somewhat failing to pull me into his lap.
"Can we just drop this?" I asked, "I'm hungry. And you haven't eaten much today."
I couldn't take much more of the look on Harry's face or how upset with me he sounded. I knew I was being stupid but I couldn't help it.
Harry sighed and nodded. He kissed my shoulder.
"I love you," he murmured, "And I love him. I just want you both to be happy."
"I know," I said, twisting a strand of his hair around my finger.
"I'm sorry," he added, "I didn't mean to yell."
"You had every right. And I'm sorry too," I said, "Now go make food."
Harry laughed and only hesitated a moment before kissing me. He was improving.
"I really love you," he said quietly, "Like, I really, really love you."
"I really, really, really love you, then," I countered.
A slow smile spread across his face and he snorted.
"We are not doing this," he mumbled, but when he looked at me, his eyes were bright and his cheeks were pink.
"You're such a sap," I said, untangling me from him and standing up, "Now, seriously. Make me food."
***
Three days later and we were having a barbeque at Niall's house to celebrate the upcoming tour. It was just the five of us. Liam had wanted to invite everyone, the musicians and the crew, but Niall had said he had just wanted it to be us.
I kissed Harry before we got out of his car and he gave me the stupidly in love smile that he gave me every time I kissed him, without fail. He'd told me once that he had no idea why Eleanor had ever broken up with me when I was so amazing. I had proceeded to tell him to never bring her up again when he had his tongue in my mouth.
I let go of his hand when Niall opened the door and waved us in but I had a hunch that he had seen something when his grin was even bigger than usual.
We were the last ones there, which wasn't a surprise. Harry had almost refused to let go of me before we had left my house. It was very, very difficult to stop kissing him once I started. A quick peck on his cheek could turn into hours of just kissing him. I was so pathetic.
Niall gave me a look when I sat down all but on top of Harry but I pretended not to see it. I squeezed Harry's hip when I made sure nobody was looking and he turned to smile at me.
I eyed the beer that Niall held. I wasn't insulted or anything; I didn't want to keep them from having fun. It just took me back a moment to the time when cheap beer and strong liquor seemed like the only things keeping me alive.
I didn't want it, was the thing. I honestly didn't.
I must have stared too long. Harry caught on to it and narrowed his eyes.
"Niall," he said, his voice low, "Don't you think that's not a great choice?"
Niall blinked at him, confused.
Liam and Zayn walked in together from somewhere in Niall's house, probably the kitchen. They were holding their own beers too.
Harry scowled.
"Do you remember when you told me I couldn't drink because I had to support Louis?" he said flippantly, settling back on the couch.
Liam glanced at the bottle in his hand and then back at me.
"Oh, shit, Louis I'm so sorry. I didn't even notice," he said quickly, "Here, um. Niall, Zayn give those to me- I'll throw them away."
"No," I snapped, and a lot more loudly than I had meant to.
Liam froze.
"I mean, no," I said again, more quietly, "Don't. I'm fine. I really don't mind."
"No, Louis. Really, it's okay. It's rude, I'm so sorry," Niall said.
"Niall, drink the fucking beer and shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.
He sat down.
"Look. I don't want it. I really don't. I have no craving for it. I'm fine, okay? Seriously, I'm better off if you pretend like nothing's wrong with me," I added, "It's uncomfortable like this."
Liam studied me, then deciding that I was being honest, sat down next to Niall.
I felt the burn of Harry's gaze on the back of my head but I purposely avoided it.
"Really, Louis. If you decide you don't like it, then-"
I silenced Liam with a look that decidedly shut him up.
Zayn sat down next to me and carelessly threw his legs over my lap.
"Where've you even been this week? Hardly have heard anything from you," he said.
I could almost hear Harry's smirk and he dug his fingers into my back, which his hand was stuck behind.
I shrugged and Zayn nodded, taking it as an answer. He couldn't really say anything; he usually disappeared during breaks and only resurfaced when they were over.
Niall glanced at the clock.
"Gonna go start the meat. You lads are welcome to do whatever; you know that," he said, getting.
"FIFA?" Liam suggested.
I remembered the last time we had tried to play it together. I hadn't wanted to. Harry had been absolutely cruel the entire night and I had been tired and sad. And now, I was destroying him at it. And I was happy and so was he.
He turned to me when the game ended and I nearly leaned forwards to kiss the pout off his face. I caught myself, but not before he noticed. His eyebrows furrowed and he leaned back a little when I did. I prayed that Liam and Zayn hadn't noticed. I glanced at them quickly and Zayn smiled back, but it didn't look like anything unusual.
"Sorry," I murmured to Harry when we tossed them the controllers, "Just forgot for a second."
"Thought you wanted them to know," he said, his pinky curling around mine.
"I do. Just...not like that, you know? What if we looked over and they were having a bit of a snog with absolutely no warning?" I said.
Harry snorted, moving his hand away when Niall came into the room.
"Food's ready, lads. Just eat in here. I haven't played yet," he said.
There were times that Harry had trouble eating, even still. It wasn't that he didn't want to eat. It was just if he ate too much or the food was too rich or heavy in his stomach. He would get horrible stomach cramps and I hated not being able to do anything about it but try to massage them away and let him lay in my lap.
I expected the barbeque to be okay, but I didn't reprimand him when he took a little less than I would have liked him to. He handed me a glass of water and I looked quickly at the others before swallowing the pills that I was supposed to. I had three- ones for anxiety, ones for depression, and ones to help with the violent mood swings I had. I hadn't had one in a while, but I was supposed to stay on them for a while anyways. Anxiety was to be taken once a day, depression twice, and the mood swings once. I had other anxiety medication to take if I was ever feeling especially panicky but I really never did.
There were times when Harry would leave to go back to Felix's and I'd find myself overthinking everything, but that was basically the worst it would get.
I balanced my plate carefully in my lap when I sat down and handed Harry the beer I had gotten for him from the kitchen. I knew he wouldn't get it himself with me around.
He narrowed his eyes.
"No," he said.
"Take it. You're allowed to have fun, you know," I said.
Harry snorted, "I already am having fun. I don't want it."
"H, I watched you almost take one. Please just drink it; I know you want to," I sighed, "Stop treating me like I'm so fragile."
Harry looked like he was about the say something but he stopped. He took the beer from me with his jaw right and mouth pressed into a thin line.
He opened it and took a sip, then put it on the ground next to him and ignored it. I rolled my eyes.
"You're being annoying," I said.
"So are you," he countered.
I was supposed to be irritated, I knew that, but something about him made me smile and shake my head.
"You're such a pain," I murmured.
"I'm your pain, though," he said.
And just like that, everything was okay again.
"Yeah, you are," I agreed, "And I'm yours."
Harry grinned.
I wanted to kiss him so much.
"You're the best kind of pain," he said.
"Hurts so good?" I asked, and he laughed, that sharp cackle that he always did when he found something exceptionally funny.
"Something funny, lads?" Liam asked.
Harry shook his head, still laughing to himself.
"It wasn't that funny," I said.
"Yes it was," he replied.
Liam gave us a bemused look before turning back to the game that Niall and Zayn were viciously playing.
Harry set down his empty plate and took mine to set it down on top of it. Lovely boy, he was.
"Do you want anymore?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"Lads, if you don't want any more, we'll take the plates to the kitchen," I said.
Harry stared at me and I gave him a pointed look.
"Are you feeling okay, Louis?" Niall asked, pausing the game, "Since when do you ever clean things up?"
I shrugged.
He handed me his plate slowly, like I might bite him or something. Liam and Zayn did the same, looking incredibly confused.
Harry collected their bottles and promised to bring them new ones.
I tossed the plates into the sink and once Harry set the bottles into Niall's recycling container, I walked towards him, grinning.
"What?" he asked.
I didn't reply.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his shoulder.
"You're very lovely," I mumbled.
His hands carefully rested on my lower back, not daring to go any further.
"Can I kiss you?" Harry asked.
"You don't need to ask, love. Why do you think I made you come in here with me?" I asked.
Harry smiled, catching on.
"How long do you think we have?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"They probably won't notice for a while. They're too absorbed in their game. We have a few minutes," I said.
He nodded.
"So I can?" he asked.
"Yes, you dork," I snorted.
His smile only grew bigger. It made it hard to kiss him for the first few moments, but I didn't mind. I was smiling just as hard.
"Love you," he sighed between kisses.
"Yeah?" I asked, "I love you too."
One of his hands ran up and down my back and over my side and the other traced the edge of my jaw.
I really didn't mind being touched, I didn't. It was just where he touched that mattered to me.
"Perfect," Harry murmured.
I hummed a indistinguishable reply but he must have felt my face heat up. He laughed.
"Quit it. I can't kiss you when you're laughing," I complained.
"Maybe I don't want you to kiss me," he said.
"Bullshit, Styles," I snorted, "You always want to kiss me."
"True," he said, almost dreamily.
He leaned in again and sighed when I kissed him back.
I backed up and hopped up onto Niall's counter. Harry settled in between my legs. A strange look passed over his face but it was gone as quickly as it had come.
"How much longer, do you think?" he asked.
"I don't care," I muttered, curling my fingers into his hair the way I knew he liked.
The way he closed his eyes for a moment proved me right.
"God," he said, his grip on my back tightening when I opened my mouth and let him slip his tongue in.
We were venturing into dangerous territory and I knew it. Harry got wound up so easily and it was risky, letting him kiss me like this.
Someone clearing their throat stopped it from getting too far, luckily.
Or rather, unluckily, judging by the expression on Liam's face.
Harry turned bright red and stepped away from me.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," Liam replied slowly, "Louis, can I talk to you for a second?"
My stomach twisted. I knew it couldn't be good.
"Yeah," I said anyways, "Love, go back with the others, okay? I'll just be a minute."
Harry nodded and I kissed him quickly before hopping down from the counter.
Liam dragged me down a hallway before all but shoving me away from him.
"What in the bloody hell do you think you're doing, Louis?" he hissed, "Leading him on like that. How could you be so irresponsible? He isn't your play toy, Louis, do you know how much damage this'll cause? Do you care?"
I winced.
"Liam, he's not my play toy. He's my boyfriend, okay?" I snapped.
I stepped away when Liam's face went so red he looked like he might explode.
"Are you joking? You've got to be! Louis, you're not- Jesus Christ, what the hell do you think you're doing? Neither of you are fit to be in a relationship, much less with each other! Louis, you don't have feelings for him, you know that! Whatever you think you might feel, it's just because you're so dependent on him, don't you know that? And once you realize that, you'll destroy him! You're leading him on. You've got to stop this right now," he yelled, "Even if you did have feelings for him, it wouldn't end well! You get in a fight or break up and he could try and kill himself!"
"You have no idea what you're saying! You don't think I don't know the risks? After we first got together, we spent entire days talking about it and whether or not it's safe and the risk involved with it. Fucking hell, Liam, I'm in love with him, okay? I know you think I'm tricking myself into it, but I'm not! You don't know what it's like so stop acting like you do! I'm sorry you had to find out like that, but I'm in love with Harry and he's my boyfriend and if you can't accept that, deal with it, because it's not changing," I spat.
"When did you first get together?" Liam asked, his voice low.
"Few weeks ago," I answered carefully.
"And you didn't think you maybe should tell us? Did you not want us to know? Are you scared? Harry doesn't deserve that, Louis! You are literally the worst person for him to be in a relationship with, you know that? You can ruin him so easily and I don't like it," Liam growled.
I tried to blink away the burn in my eyes but it was useless. His words hurt. Especially because I knew they were true.
"I doubt Niall or Zayn will like it either, and what then, Louis? Is it worth breaking the band apart? Is it worth breaking Harry if something goes wrong? What about when you decide you're really not in love with him after all? I can't believe you, Louis. I would have thought a lot better than you leading Harry on like this. Don't tell me you suddenly just realized you're in love with him after all this time because that is such bullshit, Louis, don't even try. That's not realistic. What, have you really been in love with this whole time but not known it? Was Eleanor just a cover-up? Funny, Louis, really funny. God, just go break up with him while you can, because you and I both know this is such bullshit," Liam continued.
"You know, Liam, this isn't just me saying Harry and I are in a relationship, which is true, believe me. I started having feelings for him a few months ago, actually, when I realized I'd do anything for him and I wouldn't do that for anybody else. It just took me a while of making sure that I really do love him and I do, okay? I'm sorry it's so hard for you to believe. But this isn't just about that! I'm coming out to you too, you know. I'm not straight, obviously. And I'd love for you to support that because it's not an easy thing to do and what I'm hearing is you laughing at my sexuality and saying it's a joke and a lie and I don't appreciate that, okay? So thanks a lot, thanks for the support and making this a lot harder than it needs to be," I said.
I hated the way my voice wavered and the way his expression softened when he saw the tears in my eyes.
"Lou, I didn't see it like that, I'm so s-"
"Go fuck yourself," I said, pushing past him.
"Louis," he sighed.
"Go fuck yourself."