As You Are // D.M.

AS YOU ARE

Song: Lovely by Billie Eilish

I wrote this chapter to like really aggressive music so I wouldn't cry so I'm sorry. If you don't want to cry I suggest the same. 

Anyways, I just want to thank you all for continuing to read this story. This story has meant so much to me and I hope that it means a lot to you as well! I could not have completed this story without your love and support so thank you! 

*****

Armena Malfoy

November 

I watched as Draco disappeared into a cloud of black smoke before I sunk down onto the large cloud sofa. My body gave out the moment he left, my bones aching and creaking in pain. I felt like I had been hit by a hippogriff or a train for that matter. I rubbed at my wrists and my neck, trying to ease the tension that was building.

Was I dying?

There was no way that how I was feeling was normal in the slightest. There was no way that the agonizing ache in my bones was something good. It all seemed like a bad omen to me.

As if to answer my silent thoughts, a black crow landed on the window of the living room. I jumped out of my skin as its mocking cries rang out in the light and airy space. Almost destroying the aura that was pulsing around.

"Shoo!" I hissed, my eyes narrowing at my family's familiar bird.

That damned bird always gave me the most gut wrenching feeling. Legend had it that a black crow would appear when either life or death was to arrive in the Lestrange family.

"Bloody omens" I groaned, throwing an arm over my eyes.

The sound of footsteps sounded from the hall upstairs and I knew Scorp was now up from his midday nap. I rolled my neck from side to side and turned my torso around on the couch, offering the pale blonde haired boy a soft and kind smile. He thundered down the stairs and rested his elbows on the back of the couch.

"You just missed your dad" I smiled, leaning an elbow causally on the pillows to look at the young boy.

"That's fine" Scorpius replied, his smile spreading on his sharp features. "I want to spend some time with you anyways."

I rolled my eyes and hoisted my body up off the couch, the pain in my bones screaming at me but I had to keep going. I had to keep moving and doing something or else I was going to lose my mind.

If I closed my eyes, even for just a small second, I could smell the scent of that Doctor and Healer. I could smell the stench of that steril ward as they performed their magic on me searching for any sign that Draco and I might be able to conceive.

I shook off the feeling as Scorp and I apparated to Diagon Alley.

They told me that there was nothing. No signs of even a magical womb, I was nothing but barren. Draco and I would never have children. I would never be able to hold my small child in my arms. The girl with raven dark hair with grey eyes or the pale haired boy with emerald green eyes. I would never be able to sit in a nursery and stroke that soft cheek, whispering how much I loved them. I would never be able to teach my own child spells or potions or find out what house that they would end up in.

I was barren, infertile, nothing.

I thought about it. I thought about it on those nights that I would just stare and stare at the crackling fire with a bottle of whiskey in my hands. I thought about digging deep within me and pulling out my dark magical core. I thought about performing rituals, blood sacrifices, dancing naked in the moonlight like some savage beast if it meant that I could bring a child— our child into this would.