I Want You

Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today)

Back in his apartment, he saw that Regina was calling him again. Just seeing her name felt like nails on a chalkboard. How he'd stayed with her for two whole years was beyond him. "Yes?" He said with bite in his voice.

"It's about time you answered."

"Regina, I asked you a simple question and you hung up on me, remember?"

"I know, baby, but—"

Ben felt like throwing his phone clear across the room. "I'm not your 'baby'. We're not anything. How many times do I have to tell you that?" The comment was harsh, but he couldn't stop himself. He was so mad at her, at himself.

"Did you see the pictures I sent of my sonogram? From last month." He took the phone from his ear and began scanning the messages. He saw that it was dated two weeks ago with her name printed at the bottom. "Yeah. That's our baby." There was clearly a human forming inside of her. The picture made his stomach swirl. With happiness and sadness.

His alarm was going off and was making his phone buzz. "I, uh, have to get to work."

"Can we meet tomorrow?"

"Uh, what time?"

"What time works best for you?"

"Can you do...?" Checking his watch and going over his schedule in his head, he said: "Can you do eight?"

"Dinner at Doro's?" Regina said cheerfully.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He ended the call and ran to get in the shower. His head was spinning and he felt woozy. Steadying himself against the wall, he stepped out of the tub gingerly. This news had rocked him. Miranda was devastated and that was something he never wanted. Ben couldn't stop thinking about the baby growing inside of Regina. A baby with his DNA. He was so fucking conflicted. He was pissed, but also slightly... happy. Both thoughts made him sick. He spent most of the day looking for Miranda. But when he couldn't find her, he was relieved to have interns that he could take out his frustrations on.

His phone ringing woke him up early the next morning and he dove for it, thinking and hoping that it was Miranda, but Angela's name popped up and he felt so low. He answered. "Benji," she said, her voice familiar and deep.

"What's up, Ange?"

"What? I can't call and check on my little brother?" He stayed quiet. "Knox called me."

Ben rubbed his face. "I'm okay." Another lie.

"Really?" She asked sounding unconvinced.

"Yes, Ange. Thank you for calling me though." Angela didn't respond and he could feel a diatribe coming on. And while he usually appreciated her wisdom, he wasn't in the mood. "Ange, listen—"

She cut him off. "You're 'okay'? But your ex is pregnant and your girlfriend isn't talking to you?" Ben felt his nails pushing into his palms as his hands balled into fists. "That about sum it up?"

"Just about," he admitted falling back on his bed.

"Start at the beginning," she told him. Ben exhaled and started talking. Before he knew it, he'd told his sister almost everything. There was a certain kind of vulnerability that he was able to have with Angela that he wasn't able to have with Knox. He was so glad to have those two in his corner. "...and I feel like shit."

"Why?"

"Because even though it's not... you know, ideal... I'm kind of excited at the thought of having a kid, you know? I think I'll be a good dad." His sister was quiet as he chattered. "But I also hate that it's Regina and not Miranda's." He sighed and scratched his head at his honesty.