Cancer//adopted by my chemical romance

Chapter 28:

The rest of my week, after my breakdown had gone relatively smoothly.

I hadn't had to do any more online work, and I'd basically spent all of my time with the guys, watching them play and watching movies.

I'd had my obvious upside downs which were ever present, but they hadn't been that bad, not in comparison to how I have been.

I've felt slightly relaxed, protected.

But the ever growing nerves for the upcoming day tomorrow we're starting to get to me, and I knew that it wouldn't last.

I had been eating as little as I could get away with, but still eating a small amount each day.

I had barely been throwing it up, and my sick mind can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

Don't get me wrong, I had wanted to, I had desperately felt the urge to at some points, but I was rarely alone, and I always felt the guys eyes on me after eating; so I couldn't get away with it at the moment.

I hadn't stopped self harming, my thighs were still littered with fresh wounds, but I don't ever see myself stopping or breaking the habit.

I'd tried, multiple times, but it had called to me within hours, the voices in my head taunting me, forcing me to inflict the harm on myself to feel 'normal'.

My two worst habits would never fully go away, at least I couldn't very see them leaving me.

At this point their so deeply ingrained into my head that anything that I do through daily life can set me off to thinking of them, not to mention my deep routed self hatred.

On a more positive note though, my anxiety has gotten better, and I've continued to reach out for the guys for hugs, and I've been the first to speak in some situations.

I've definitely been a lot more comfortable around them, and it's just growing day by day.

I'm happy that I'm able to confide in Mikey and joke around with Frank, Gerard and Ray always being there for me no matter what, and always at the ready to give me hugs and never turning me down.

Frank has persistently been trying to get me to come and play laser tag with him, and to be honest, it sounds like a fun idea, and the more I spend time with him, the more it seems like an incredibly fun idea.

I've never been before in my life, I've never even really been to the children's park much, and that's taking into consideration the amount of times I've been on my own, as my father had never even looked at me as a child.

I decided to check the time by sliding my phone up and reading the little digital screen 17.00.

Any minute now Frank and Mikey are expected back from their little expedition from the shop, where they had gone out to gather snacks as well as buy a new movie, and apparently I had over watched their entire stash of films way too many times by now.

But to be honest watching the same things over and over didn't bother me in the slightest, their movie collection was the biggest that I'd ever seen, considering that if only ever been allowed to so much as glance at my fathers tv when he ordered me to bring him beers or food.