Crush. (Ateez FF)

Chapter 31

Day of the dance has arrived and students were filled with excitement. They didn't know what to expect that night and tried their hardest to stay concentrated on their classes throughout the day.

Well, most students.

Some didn't have that issue as they had an important assignment that day in English.

Currently the six teens were listening to a fellow classmate share their letter. Four other students had already volunteered and shared. Most were hoping more students would start to volunteer before their teacher started choosing.

Every time the teacher asked about volunteers, Mingi, Wooyoung and Yunho would act as if they were making last notes on their copies. San and Yeosang just avoided any eye contact with the teacher.

"Any more volunteers before I start choosing?" Mrs. Bae asked the class, eyes looking around the room.

A hand flew up in the hair.

"I will."

"Are you sure?" Mingi quietly asked his sister, remembering what happened last week.

Kyungmi gave him a small smile. He saw the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sure." She turned towards their teacher. "May I?"

Mrs. Bae nodded, gesturing for the teen to come to the front of the class. Kyungmi grabbed her copy of the letter and walked to the front of the class.

This time was a lot more nerve-wrecking as more was put into the letter. The moment she finished the assignment she knew to get the closure she needed that she'd have to say these words out loud. That she'd have to physically hear the words from her own voice to finally release the heavy weight on top of her.

"I should probably start this off formally, but part of me thinks you don't deserve that. Despite that, I just hope you don't take this the wrong way. I need you to hear this. To know I'm still trying to hate you. Hate the way you had me felt the first day we met. Hate the way you still manage to make me feel every time I look at you. Hate the way you bring a smile to my face with the simplest things. The way your own smile makes me feel so many different emotions at once." The teen paused, nervous to continue. She kept her eyes on the paper and took a deep breath. "Everyday I try to forget you. Forget the memories we made. Just erase you from my life. Sometimes I imagine how it'd be if we never knew each other. Would we still meet? Would you still care about me as much as you say you do now? Would I be happier? If anything, I wouldn't have any expectations from you. I wouldn't be hurt every time you unintentionally hurt me. And I certainly wouldn't want to cry myself to sleep every night. Not being able to even go to my own brother in fear of what'd he do when you're just living your life happily."

At the mention of himself, Mingi moved towards the edge of his seat. He started getting anxious and nearly called for his sister to stop. He saw the paper lightly moving, only meaning she was trying not to shake her hands. That was enough for Mingi to figure out whatever his sister's saying was more personal than most probably realized. The other students sat quietly, awaiting the teen's next words. It was the quietest the class had ever been that year.

"That Iㅡ" Kyungmi paused, trying to hold her tears back. She couldn't though. Everything she felt when she first wrote the assignment was coming back. "That I could forget I love you. There it is. I've admitted to it. I love someone who can never love me back. And all I want to do is hate you. Yet, I find myself forgiving you instead." Tears landed on the paper, smudging a few of the printed words. Not that it mattered. She had this entire thing memorized.

"I forgive you. All I can do is forgive you. You found love. Found happiness. And unfortunately it's not with me. But, I know you. I know as soon as you find out this is about you, all you'll do is apologize though you have no reason to. So I forgive you. My heart forgives you just as long as you remain happy." The teen folded her paper and placed it in her back pocket. With puffy red eyes and a tear-stained face, she weakly smiled. "Truth of the matter is I can never hate you. If I had to choose between never knowing you to be happy and my life now, I'd choose now. Even with all the pain I face, I just can't see my life without you. I can't imagine not knowing what the love I'm meant to have feels like. I'll always hate you finding out this way. But what can I say? I'm a coward. And the past couple months only prove that as I've tried ignoring this feeling. I... I hopeㅡ" Her shaky breath cut her off as she struggled with the last few words. "I hope you and the ones who make you smile remain happy together. And I hope you can just forget this, my feelings, when you realize it's you this is about."