MANAL

61: Manal

I sat down in my bed; a smile tugging at my lips. It had been a day since Ummi had that conversation with me—since Ummi gave me her words that she wouldn't stand in my way if it was my wish to get married, but I still couldn't believe it. It felt nice—really nice coming from Ummi. I did not expect her to be so understanding. She took me by surprise.

I was glad that things would and was finally fallinf in place for me. I thought Ummi and I were close, but after the conversation we had, I realized I could be much closer to her. And that was exactly what I wanted. Like Ummi said, I also wanted to be able to tell her everything. By everything, I meant, the good, the bad and the ugly. I wanted her to be my advisor, my confident, my disciplinarian as well, even though she had always been. I wanted the type of relationship in which I can freely confide in my mother, knowing she would always be there to give me the best of advices. I had wanted all these for so long and it was finally manifesting.

Jawaad.

At the thought of him, a dose of tranquility surged into me. I didn't realize I had a huge smile on, until my jaws began to hurt. 

It had been long. Too long.

When I decided to do as Abi wished—for me to stay away from Jawaad—I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. I thought I would break my promise to dad, but surprisingly, I didn't. Not even for once. I had lost count of the times I would pick up my phone to unblock his number, but managed to stop myself right in time. I was able to stop myself, not because I didn't miss him enough—far from it. I wished I could hear his voice again or sight him even from afar—but I held on to the promise he made me.

"When all of these is over, promise me you'd still be there, waiting for me." I had said to him over the phone.

"I promise."

Those two words of his meant a lot to me. A lot more than anyone would be able to comprehend. Those two words were what I held onto each time I felt he might have moved on after such a long time. He gave me his words and I was certain he wasn't going to betray me.

He mustn't.

I had my heart and my whole soul invested in the future I wanted with him. I had turned down a lot of  suitors, because I knew he must also be doing the same. For sure, he wouldn't betray me. I wouldn't do that to him either.

Many times, Farida had tried talking tod me about her brother, but I always found ways to divert from the topic. I did those things not because I wasn't interested, but because I feared she might say something that would make me disobey Abi again.

"What are you doing right now, Jawaad?" I voiced out my thought. "Thinking about me perhaps?" I smiled, and hit myself on the head. "I have been watching a lot of movies these days."

Trusting Jawaad so much might be considered ludicrous by many, but in my heart, I knew I was doing the right thing.

I'm not an idiot.

I heaved a sigh and plopped into the bed; my thoughts circled around Jawaad and the next move I should take.

Should I call him?

Go to their house?

I was in a dilemma.

"I should call Na'eem. He always knows the appropriate advice to give at times like this." I picked up my phone and immediately called him.

He picked at the first ring.

"Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh." Came his refined voice.

"Wa alaikum Salam." I responded. "So you have been waiting for my call."

"Noo."

"It wasn't a question, mister. It was a statement."