MANAL

62: Manal

I felt my chest tighten. I couldn't believe my ears. Jawaad couldn't have proposed to someone else. He made promise to me. He wouldn't.

My breaths began to emerge in ragged pants and breathing itself became a major task for me. My airflow seemed to have been restricted. I had to struggle before I could take in a breath. A huge, painful lump was stuck in my throat. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't swallow. I couldn't think straight.

I wanted to stay and hear more of their conversation. Perhaps he would laugh at her and ask "What proposal?" I wanted to stay a little longer, but I just couldn't. My legs wobbled and indisputably, they would give out if I didn't get out of there. And, it would be totally unwise of me to make a fool of myself in front of them.

I started maneuvering, like a headless chicken. I didn't even know where I was supposed to go to, but I needed to be somewhere faraway from them. I needed to breathe.

I leaned forward, placed my head in his hands and sobbed; finally releasing my pent-up emotion. My whole being shuddered, as sobs racked my body. Each coming in a wave, and, with every sob, I let out a low whimper.

My heart felt cold. It felt like concrete drying in my chest. Jawaad whom I held in high esteem. The one for whom I lit from the inside. A frisson of love always captured me each time his thought would cross my mind, even if it was for a split second. I never had any doubts about him and that was because I trusted him with my whole being. I got mad at Na'eem for trying to advise me.

In all of the years I had lived, I never knew this was what heartbreak felt. I always felt people were overreacting. I felt they were stupid for crying over a man, but here I was, crouched somewhere in the middle of the hospital, crying my heart out.

The image of Jawaad's face once conjured my smile, but at the moment, all I felt at the sight of his image in my mind, was sadness. I wasn't even mad at him. I was sad, heartbroken and in disbelief.

"Why do I always get heartbroken by the people I trust?" I couldn't help, but ask myself that question. First it was Farida—when she misunderstood me, then Hala and now Jawaad Indisputably, his was the most painful. No matter how hard I tried, I knew it would take a long time for me to overcome the heartbeat.

Will I even ever be able to?

I didn't know how long I was stuck there, crying my eyes out, before I was finally able to attain a certain level of satisfaction.

I got on my feet and made sure to wipe all traces of tears from my face, before heading for the exit of the hospital.

"Manal?"

The voice I knew all too well, made me halt in my tracks. I wished I could get away.

"Manal?" Farida called again; the sound of her footsteps getting louder as she approached. "Wow! It's really you." She exclaimed. "Where you leaving?"

I nodded. I couldn't speak, because I knew I would end up an object of ridicule. And besides, there was no way Farida wasn't aware of her brother's betrayal, yet she kept me in the dark. I was equally disappointed in her. It was the second time she was doing that to me. I really wanted to keep the friendship we had—I tried everything I could to get us back to the way we used to be, but at that moment, I was ready to throw it all away—the relationship, memories. Everything!

"Why? Have you seen mum? Didn't you come to see dad? Or did you come for some other reason?"

Their father.

I had totally forgotten why I was at the hospital in the first place.

I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to speak, but my grief in my heart would not let me.