Save Me #1

48| Let go

Plug in your earphones and play that song while reading that chapter. I listened to it while
writing and I promise you it changes the whole reading experience.🤍

The days after Franco's death are like a nightmare. Zach and I returned back to my place only a few hours after Caleb's remark about Zach not being made for a proper relationship. Since then, he's barely talked to me and even avoided touching me throughout the days. No hugs, no kisses, no smiles. Nothing.

Only when he's sleeping, his arms wrap around me as if there's nothing else in this world which gives him comfort. As if I'm the only thing he needs to live. I tried to talk to him. About that horror day, about Caleb's statement. About everything, but each time he finds a way to escape the conversation. It kills me. It literally robs me the air to breathe, and I feel like drowning in all the anxiety and pain I'm enduring at the moment.

My nightmares are getting worse every day. I keep waking up every night, anxious, and in a cold sweat. These are actually the only times Zach returns to his loving and caring self. That's when he's holding me close, whispering soothing words into my ear, and strokes over my hair until I've found a way back into sleep. Back into another nightmare. Honestly, I haven't been more exhausted my whole life, and I have no idea how to get back out of this misery ever again.

Abbey, of course, called me hundreds of times after Clarks had taken me to the station. After I told her everything, she started crying and offered me that she'd be there whenever I needed her. I'm more than grateful for her care, but what I'd need the most right now is my old Zach. The Zach who used to show me so much affection and always tried to make sure I'm okay. I know he's suffering too from the after-effects of that night and I know he's having nightmares as well, but I can't help thinking that these are not the reason for the distance he's keeping between us.

Right now, it's Friday afternoon, three days after Franco's death, and Zach and I just shared a pizza, and are both lying on the couch now. Zach has his earphones in and listens to Metallica. So loud that I can hear every single word. The gap between us is like a dagger right into my heart. Maybe I should just make another attempt to approach him?

I reach for Zach's arm, causing him to wince. His head snaps around and he pulls out his earphones, giving me a questioning look.

"I'd love to talk to you, Zach," I say quietly, almost pleadingly.

Zach eyes me for a moment and then sits up. It doesn't escape me that's he's still keeping that gap between us.

"What would you like to talk about?" he asks warily, his eyes trained on the wall opposite of us.

"About everything. About how you are feeling. About what happened. I don't know, Zach," I start with a shaky voice. As so often the past days, I'm already on the verge of crying again. "I just want to hear your voice again!"

I watch as Zach looks down into his lap and fumbles with his fingers. He bites down on his bottom lip which is still slightly swollen, and I notice a tear escaping his eye.

"Zach, just talk to me. I see how much you're suffering. Tell me what you're feeling. You know, talking can help a lot!" I place my hand on his shoulder and this time he doesn't flinch or back away from me. Instead, he lifts his head and faces me with sad eyes.

His bruises and wounds from his fight with Franco are slightly better already, but he still looks harried.

"Olivia, I can't," he breathes, and I spot a few more tears in his hazel eyes. "This is killing me."

He stands up and walks over to the window. His fingers rake through his dark, tousled hair while his head tilts back.

"You can't what?" I get up as well and step behind him. "Tell me! Talk to me!"