Angel

Angel LX

ANGEL

Understanding our mind is something complex. I admire therapists, really.

I can't understand my feelings, and five months ago I was death set on hating Lukas, now I have headaches just for thinking about him.

Everything about him and us has me overwhelmed.

Emotions that I was certain were in ashes inside of the me, resurrected from the death, and now it's a fucking mess.

I love him, at my own way, but I do.

It doesn't have to have a padron, it's just like the color turquoise... some think it's green others think it's blue. People have different opinions and points of view.

He made my head a fucking mess, and that's why I needed at least this two days for myself. To try and figure some part of this out. My own feelings.

It's such a mix, I feel like I have fireworks for a brain.

Heck, this time we're... on good terms, since I really don't know what we are, we lay down together in silence, and I tolerate it with him, I enjoy his presence, his chest below my head as I trace his inked art, and he combs my hair on his finger.

If it were with anyone else, I would shoot them before they could settle next to me, even if in silence. Before they could have my vulnerable.

I hate people... And I hate him for making me have headaches about him.

What even are we? Is it labeled, or are we just going with the flow, with the mention he, on his most stupidest fantasies, marries me years from here. Which made my heart flutter because he sees a future with me, but still... I would never marry.

That I refuse.

Marriage isn't necessary for anything. It's not because people marry that they'll love each other more, and if that's what proves it to them, then it's because the feeling is not real.

Waste of money and time that I could perfectly use to fuck around in his bedroom.

Priorities.

Throwing the sheets off my naked body, I go to my bathroom, to wash my face and teeth, putting my hair in a messy bun. I don't bother putting on clothes since it's my house.

My house, my rules. If someone broke in they would have a good show before dying with a bullet through their stupid brain.

No need to thank me, I'm generous after all.

Seeing the sunny and warm day through the windows that lead to the outside of this big ass house, I decide that it's good to dive inside the pool.

I miss the view of my other house, to the ocean. It's all blacked styled, with a edge pool with a magnificent view towards the mountains.

Gosh, I miss spending the sunsets inside the pool while looking out into the horizon.

But I won't go until Dimitri is dead. That motherfucker is delaying my whole life.

Diving inside the cold water, I swim until the other end before resurfacing, pushing my hair back, water tickling down my eyelashes and nose.

I do this for about a half hour more, my naked body engulfed on the water, the sun hitting my skin, and me wishing Lukas broke in and fucked me against the pool wall.

Bet he would enjoy it.

See? He's everywhere. I can't live my life without having some part of him in it. Even the smallest.