Lost Bird

Chapter 15

Trigger warning- mentions of rape in this chapter.
Sang's P.O.V.

      When I wake up the next day, I just feel exhausted and really emotional for some reason.

      Eventually, there's a knock on my door and when I open it, I see that it's Kota.

"Hey," I say slowly, "What's up?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to talk, about last night. We wanted to give you some time, but I wanted to see if you were okay," he says.

I take a moment to think about it. It couldn't hurt. I know I told Raven yesterday that I didn't want to discuss Axel with them, but I don't have anybody else. "Sure, come on in," I step to the side to give him room.

        "You can have a seat," I say, "Can I get you something to drink or something?"

       "I'm fine, thanks," He gently smiles before taking a seat on the couch. I take a seat and angle my body so I'm facing him.

       "So, last night was intense," he says.

        "Yeah," I nod, "How's Axel?"

         "I'm not sure. He really hasn't spoken to us since last night."

          I groan. "I meant pretty much everything else I said last night, but I don't hate him."

       He nods. "What about the part where you said you lied about trying to forgive him?"

        "I don't know," I shake my head, "He was my favorite person in the world. So, yeah I want to forgive him and go back to the way things were. But,
he hurt me pretty badly. I don't know how I can trust him again."

        "Rebuilding trust takes time. But it won't work if neither of you aren't willing to put in the effort. So, you have to think about whether you want to have a friendship with Axel again. Because if you don't, then there's no point in trying."

I don't have to think about it long. "I do."

"Here's the thing," he clears his throat, "I know Axel needs to make it up to you, so I'm not trying trying to take his side by saying this. He was in a really dark place when he came to the Academy and he isn't the same guy as before."

        "Mr. Blackbourne said something very similar," I respond. "I'm just nervous to talk to him again. I keep things bottled up and then I just say things I don't mean."

"Why do you think you do that?," Kota asks.

I feel like I'm in another therapy situation.

"When I was first joining the Academy, I had an Elder tell me that nobody would take me seriously because I was too emotional. Which to be fair, you can't be too emotional when it comes to certain jobs.  I think I took it too seriously, because it's so difficult for me to say when something's bothering me. Also, I don't have a team, so I don't really have anyone to go to."

       "It's never a bad thing to have emotions. And you can come to us, if you want to talk about anything. We make pretty good friends if you give us the chance."

I nod, unsure of what to say. I don't know what's up with me today, but I don't like it.

"As for Axel," he continues, "Just talk to him, when you're ready of course. Be honest about what you want from him. If you want him to grovel for a little bit, tell him."