Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

29

I wake up a little confused and ignorant, but then I see Kuina lying in the bed next to me and everything comes back. Yesterday, I tried to save Chishiya and let four militants watch me, which brought back to me the memory I tried so hard to suppress. Raiden and I have had a fight and he doesn't want to see or speak to me again. The hurt feeling of yesterday comes back to play. I quickly look at Kuina, who's still sleeping peacefully, and I immediately feel better.

She was there for me. She listened to me and supported me by being with me. She even suggested for me to be spending the night in her room so I wouldn't be alone. I know it's not wise, but we're becoming friends very rapidly. That'll only go faster now that we start working together a lot. Wait a minute, I haven't decided yet, have I? But she said I belonged with her and Chishiya now. It feels good to belong somewhere.

I gently get up, trying not to wake her. I make my way to the bathroom, where I wash myself and get dressed. Doubtfully, I look at Chishiya's vest. What am I supposed to do with it? Shall I wash it and give it back to him, or shall I put it on? It would certainly make our act more credible. For example, the boys would think that we really like each other and that we just wanted to be together. That we hung around their rooms because of that, because nobody's actually allowed to come there.

While it will certainly be believable if they'd see me in his vest today, I have to admit that it's not the only reason I'm putting it on. Yesterday, I caught myself feeling nice by feeling the warmth he had put into it. It calmed me down and kind of made me feel powerful. His hand on my lower back didn't feel completely unpleasant either. It's probably because I don't trust those militants at all, which automatically makes me feel more comfortable with Chishiya. Nor did he stare at me as much as they did.

'Hey,' Kuina says when I re-enter the bedroom. 'Morning,' I say with a smile. She looks at me inquisitively for a moment, to which she returns my smile. 'It's nice to see that you're already feeling a little better.' I sit on the edge of my bed and look at her. 'Thank you. Even before I was allowed to sleep here tonight.' She nods, as if it goes without saying. 'You can stay as long as you want. I have to say that it's nice to have someone with me who is a bit like me.'

She's right: we're pretty alike. We both try to do as much as possible with our heads, but in the end, our hearts sometimes overpower us. Maybe she's trying as hard to keep me at an emotional distance as I do with her, but neither of us seems to be doing a great job at that. I notice that in the feeling I get when she gets up and says: 'Tonight, I'm playing another game.'

I almost propose to go with her, despite the number of days I have left, but I hold myself back. I don't know at all if it'll be a game where we'll have to work together or if we have to betray each other. I have definitely not known her for long, but I already know that I'll never want to betray her. In addition, it might be better not to register for a game. Soon I'll be promoted even more and Raiden will get even more angry with me.

I sigh at the ground. 'I hope it'll go well,' I tell her. She doesn't seem too worried about that. 'It'll be fine,' she replies. 'I'll get dressed. Shall we have breakfast afterwards?' I nod. She moves into the bathroom and I wait for her to return. In the meantime I think about Raiden. He's really mad at me. Partly justified, but in my opinion partly not. I don't know what to do. Should I leave him alone or should I approach him? I decide to await his state of mind. If he doesn't make himself approachable when I see him, then I'll wait. When I see on his face that our argument has hurt him as much as it hurt me, then I walk over to him. Of course, I hope for the latter.

Kuina and I arrive at the mess hall. My gaze naturally moves to Raiden to gauge him, but he doesn't even seem to notice me. He's sitting at the table with a number of others, including Aki and Redsuit. Two tables have been pushed together and they have a noisy conversation, which stops a little more as soon as the first person has spotted Kuina and me. I quickly avert my gaze before seeing the others looking and pretend I haven't seen them. Hopefully they'll interpret my dawdling at the buffet as if I can't choose.