Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

34

With my arms folded together, I lean against the wall and watch the dozens of people gathering in the lobby. Even before Hatter comes into the picture to begin his speech, everyone is already stirring each other up. They yell things to each other and cheer, as if something really nice is about to happen. I wonder if they're really looking forward to it, or if they're just pretending because everyone else is.

I deny the real reason I'm here, but I still go looking for him. I don't know he was able to see me though all those people, but on the other side of the room, Chishiya's standing by a pillar and looking in my direction. A strange feeling goes through my body. This afternoon, we sat together in the music room for a while. After our conversation, we didn't say much more and just listened to music, but I still felt the warmth of his hand. It was difficult to focus on anything else.

I don't know how to act, so I just raise my hand and give him a wave, like we used to do on the good old days. My view is blocked by a group of Beachers. Part of me gets annoyed about that, but maybe it's better this way. I don't know if I could've looked away from him on my own. 'Beachers!' My head turns up to the first floor, where Hatter and some executive members are going to be. As soon as he shows his face, there's an immediate cheer. Hatter waits for the voices to fade, but it takes a long time.

'They pretend like he's some God.' His voice makes me a little nervous, but I still smile at Chishiya for a moment. He also looks my way briefly, after which he averts his gaze again. I saw the same expression in his eyes as this morning: reluctant, as if he's not quite sure how to treat each other now. I don't know that, either. We both seem to agree that we don't know what this is, but at least it feels good.

'Pretend?' I pretend to not understand. There's a slight smile.

Hatter begins his speech. He tells the same bullshit as always, about how we have to work together to collect all the cards and that we all belong together, blah, blah, blah, but then, he also tells something that makes the Beachers down here freak out again. 'Tonight, I'm going to have to renew my visa,' he says, 'so I'm going to play a game!' He's immediately cheered on, which produces a kind of sneering laugh from Chishiya.

'I think someone here is jealous, because he's not worshiped as a God,' I exclaim amused. Chishiya shrugs. 'I really don't care about what others think of me,' is his reply. 'No?' I ask in the same tone. Without turning his face too much in my direction, he looks at me. In his eyes I can see that that statement doesn't apply to me. A part of him still seems confused about that, while the other part makes him look away shyly.

He clearly finds it uncomfortable that he has now ended up in a situation where everything has changed for him. He was always on his own and kept everyone at a distance, but my actions during the games have made him think about me, and my action to save him from the militants has now created this between us. Does he mind? Does he like it? Does he think about the contact our hands have had as often today as I do?

'The time has come to say goodbye to each other temporarily,' Hatter concludes, 'but that's not for long. Tonight, we'll just party again!'

The restless feeling returns as soon as he has said that. I try to hide it, because it's completely unnecessary. With my mind, I really know that Chishiya will be back tonight. Still, I can't help but look at him again and take him in completely. This certainly won't be the last time I see him and if I'm lucky, this afternoon certainly won't be the last time I've felt the warmth of his skin.

'Well,' I say neutrally, 'see you later.' He looks at me and seems to absorb me completely. He looks dubiously, as if he's not quite sure about something, but then he slowly brings his hand to my arm. I feel the warmth of his hand through the fabric of my cardigan. He moves a little closer to me, as if he was going to share confidential information with me, but he isn't. 'Yes,' he says, 'see you later.'